Month: March 2004

Ok, which one of you has my ” How to spot a Bastard by his star sign” book? See, here I am being all nice and lending shit out to people and what happens? I forgot who I lent it to, and no one is cool enough to just think ” oh, I am finished reading Dot’s favorite book, perhaps I should return it to her as I promised her when she reluctantly lent it to me” .

Apart from Cigarettes and Fish, my pet peeve is lending something to someone and then they don’t return it. Normally I write it down somewhere, what was lent to whom, but this time I slipped and forgot and now *poof* the book is gone. I am also cranky because 1) I can’t add photos to my blog  2) I haven’t had sex lately  3) Now I can’t even add smileys from Smiley Central to the new Blog layout. CRANKY!

I learned my lesson LONG ago not to lend shit out, I lent Robert Plant some of my blues tapes, Chess Box collection tapes, and he swore he would mail them back to me after the tour. That was 1993 and I still haven’t received them. But he is coming to town Sunday and if I massage him, I will take them out of his ass. ( not literally you freak!).

In 1997 ( or was it 1998?) I lent a 5 month pregnant Lauryn Hill a copy of ” the womanly art of breast feeding” and I haven’t gotten that back, but I forgive her, she is so frickin’ COOL!

I can not count how many tapes. cds, videos etc I have lent out and never gotten back. Why do people do that! It is ignorant. If someone lends you something, enjoy it and give it back, keep the good vibe of generosity and trust going on dammit!

I am thinking, I don’t let THAT many people in my flat, and I have asked most females I know if they have it, they all say no 🙁

Then I started asking the guys I know, thinking, well, some could possibly be gay and not know it yet, and perhaps they wanted to read ” How to spot a bastard by his star sign” but so far, even the guys have said no. You have GOT to read this book, it is hysterical!

Thank god for Amazon.com I will just order a new copy and never lend anything out again- “I am a rock, I am an island” ( Simon/Garfunkle)

Not 100% sure yet, but I may drive to Philly to massage Sir Sting this Friday. I am not looking forward to the drive, I don’t know how to get there and the last time I went to Philly, I saw the Grateful Dead there in like 1988 and did NOT like the scene there. But who knows, perhaps it is clean and safe and friendly now. (As if).

I am filming with A&E TV on Tuesday; they want to interview me for a show “It also airs
on A&E’s Biography Channel. The show features profiles of people who work with
celebrities or who provide services for celebrities, and we’d love to profile
Dorothy Stein ( aka Dr. Dot).”

So that should be fun. I am thinking of who I can make over that day. I don’t just want to have the usual boring interview in which I bite someone’s ass and then massage them, I want to do a make over, take a plain Jane and turn her into a sexy vamp right in front of rolling cameras. Then I will bite her back/butt area and massage her.

Any plain Jane in the NYC  area who wants a free make over and massage from me, and has free time on Tuesday, email me and send me a small jpeg ( no bigger then your hand as not to clog my freakin mail box).

Even though my endless tales of karaoke are pissing you off, I wanted to say, I brought Stings tour manager, William out tonight and dragged him  AGAIN to my favorite karaoke spot and thank GOD the DJ was there and not ill like last Sunday. Anyhoooo, He saw me do an awesome rendition of ” Down on me” by Janis Joplin and said it was great. I then tried “Ramble on” by Led Zepp and tore that up too, I can do Zepp pretty good. Sometimes I SUCK royally, like when I did “Tumblin Dice” but the Stones, jeez, I will never do that again! In  fact, I can only do a few Stones songs, Mick’s shoes are hard to fill. I know the words  by heart, but he is hard to copy! I also destroyed the Beatles ” We can work it out”!! Although it is one of my all time favorite songs, I just sucked at it big time! I know my ranges, James Brown, Tina, Janis, Rod Stewart, Zepp and Ac/DC but forget anything like Mariah or Celine ( but who the fuck wants to hear that at a bar anyways!?)

Ok, I better get my cranky celibate self in bed now, it is 5:30 am.

“Live your loving life,
Live it all the best you can
And if you pay no attention darling
To what you might ever hear from your man,
I think you’re just like a servant
And try to keep it all to yourself.
Don’t you know it makes the world go round,
You gotta go and honey share everywhere else.
Come on, come on, come on!

As good as you’ve been to this world
So good i wanna be right back to you.
As good as you’ve been now,
As good as you’ve been to this whole wide world,
So good i wanna be.
As good as you’ve been now, say,
As good as you’ve been to this whole wide world,
As good as you’ve been, babe,
So good i wanna be here.

Ain’t no use in being faithful,
I see you look at the sky.
I know what’s in it make you happy there,
But it only make you cry.
I think you got good intentions too,
They don’t manage to show through.
Whatever you give to the world outside,
I wanna give it right back to you, yes i am!
Come on, come on, come on!

So you meet somebody on the street,
You know you treat him mighty fine,

Or you meet somebody on the street
And you give him a real hard time.
It’s gonna come on home baby,
I said it’s gonna come right back home to you.
I said it’s gonna visit you now,
Yes it is, oh yes it is.

As good as you’ve been to this whole wide world,
As good as you’ve been, babe,
So good i wanna be here.
Oh, good as you’ve been to this whole wide world,
As good as you’ve been, babe,
So good i wanna be here.
Ah, the way you love your mother,
The way you love your sister, your brother,
The way you love your aunt, your uncle,
Anybody now, everybody now.

Good as you’ve been babe
’cause i’m just gonna show you now
And i’m just gonna make you want it now
’cause i ‘m just gonna give you a thrill
Say, good as you been babe,
Hurrah, good as you been babe,
Come on, good as you been babe,
I say, good as you been babe,
Oh daddy, good as you been babe,
My man, good as you been babe,
All right, yeah hey.”

Janis Joplin  “As Good As You’ve Been To This World”

xx Dottie

I have surfed around for hours in the new layout of the Blog and can not find any way to upload a photo or as Blog City suggested, a photo album, as in, “in order for me to show you one photo, you  have to create a new photo album for each new photo.”

They tell me if I am so unhappy with the Blog lay out to just get refund and leave it at that, but what they don’t understand is, I am happy when it is running correctly. I just want to be able to write and share my almost daily photos- 

That is not  possible right now, I have searched high and low for HOURS  to see any button or so that says ” upload photo” and there is nothing. Can someone out there in Blog City land tell me how to add a photo or photo album ( which I think is silly just for one photo) as I have so many new photos to show you but can not until it becomes possible on Blog City to add a photo.

Ho hum. I am off to Berlin next week for 19 days or so to visit Jasmine. I am sure I will feel some left over hate thanks to the Jew Bashing experience I had. The journalists there had a field day making the German guy who knocked me out to be the poor victim,  and me the bad one who wore the Star of David etc- I get hate mail from Germans every day about this bad press and hate crime case. They should get over it and see the light.

Oh, I gave up on the 5th Wheel, I called them and now they say ” Oh, your episode will for sure air on May 27th!” Hello?! Forget it, if you accidentally see me on the show, tell me how it was, otherwise ( to quote Eminem) ” I just don’t give a fuck!”.

(NOTE: I NEED “spell CHECK in my blog!”)

Going to show Marylin Manson’s tour manager around tonight, probably bring him to a HUGE karaoke birthday party and make him sing some KISS or something hard rock. I spoke to Arturo again finally and asked him “why the HELL do you dissapear like that?” and he said he is busy working on his book with Johnny Ramone. It is a book about the technical/buisness side of the Ramones career, not a peronal one. Like I told you, the further down south one lives in Manhattan, the more you have to go to them ( even call them).

I wanted to post a HOT photo I took of Sting’s trumpet player, Chris Botti, but like I said, I can’t do this now, and it is making me crazy!

This meeting I have next week on the 16th is so important and I am dying to tell you about it, but I have to keep it a secret until it happens, then I will purge in the blog and either celebrate the good news or whine and moan about the let down, but it is a BIG DEAL. Basically what I have been waiting for, say for YEARS! Cross yer fingers for ol’ Dottie would you?

I am off to jog, 6 miles or so,

” I don’t know but I’ve been told, if you never slow down, you never grow old”  Tom Petty

Dr. Feakin’ Dot

Another wonderful night out in Manhattan. Excuse the non-photo blog again, but I got alot on my plate right at the moment, what with showing Rachel around etc. She had a falafel for the first time of her life today and bought a baby pink New York Yankees cap tonight. We tore up karaoke again and are up WAY  to late as usual.

A shout out of joy to Blog City administration for the now more modern version of Blog City and sorry for being impatient. For a while there was around 100 people per hour reading my blog so I felt a bit of pressure to write and a few days without writing feels like months to me. Rachel goes back to CT tomorrow, she should bring a few men with her, they seem to love her! She said ” it’s raining men here!”. A note to CT men, be nice, she said CT men don’t have the manners like NYC men. She didn’t have to buy one drink the whole time she was here and was being chatted up frequently. I told her, well, in CT or in any suburb kind of place, the men know there isn’t much competition and the women get used to being treated only “fair” but in the big cities, there is ALL kinds of competition and you have to be nice, friendly and fit to make it there, so people try harder at everything, and that is a good thing in my eyes. Don’t get me wrong, every area has its good and bad points, the city for example is not so nice for big dogs, jogging ( unless you are directly next to a park) blah blah, we all know what I mean. I just love it here in NYC, it ROCKS!

and now, a few lyrics from my hero, Mr. Frank Zappa:

“Hey Hey Hey all you girls in these
Industrial towns
I know you’re prob’ly gettin’ tired
Of all the local clowns
They never give you no respect
They never treat you nice
So perhaps you oughta try
A little friendly advice
And be a CREW SLUT
Hey, you’ll love it
Be a CREW SLUT
It’s a way of life
Be a CREW SLUT
See the world
Don’t make a fuss, just get on the bus
CREW SLUT
Add water makes its own sauce
Be a CREW SLUT
So you don’t forget, call before midnite tonite
The boys in the crew
Are just waiting for you
You never to get move around
You never go nowhere
I know yer prob’ly gettin’ tired
Of all the guys out there
You always wondered what it’s like
To go from place to place
So, darlin’, take a little ride
On the mixer’s face
Be a CREW SLUT
Just follow the magic footprints
Be a CREW SLUT
Hey, you’ll love it!
Be a CREW SLUT
It’s a way of life
I ain’t gonna squash it
And you don’t need to wash it!
CREW SLUT
Hey, I’ll buy you a pizza
CREW SLUT
Of course I’ll introduce you to Warren
The boys in the crew
Are only waiting for you

At this point, the road crew, as all road crews must from time to time, borrow some of the big rock group’s equipment and have a blues jam session, indicating to the kneeling maidens that they are endowed with a great deal of raw talent, as well as massive meat. Obviously impressed with LARRY’S ability to suck so hard on his harmonica that screeching little noises come out of it, MARY kneels again and reaches upward in gestures of supplication, listening intently as LARRY continues to sing…

Larry:
Well you been to Alabama, girl,
‘N’ Georgia too
‘N’ all the boys in the crew
Is bein’ good to you
I know yer sayin’ to yourself
‘This is the way to go’
‘Cause when you need a little extra
They will give you some mo’
`Cause you’re the CREW SLUT

Mary:
Eh, hah ha, I’m into leather…

Larry:
That’s good! A lot of the boys in the crew Love leather…

Mary:
And rubber…

Larry:
Yeh, they like rubber too…shrink-tubing
With a hair dryer…

Road Crew Chorus:
Trade your spot on the bench
For a guy with a wrench
And be a…

Mary:
Ha ha ha…

Larry:
You like that, huh?
I told you you’d love it…
It’s a way of life!

Road Crew Chorus:
The guys in the crew
Have got a present for you!
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah

Mary:
A present for me?

Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah

Larry:
Hmmm, we got a present for you!

Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah

Mary:
Whaddya got?

Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah

Mary:
Whaddya gonna give me?

Road Crew Chorus:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah

Larry:
It looks just like a Telefunken U-47
You’ll love it…

Mary:
With Leather?

Central Scrutinizer:
Eh errr, eh eh…This is,eh, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER again…
And so Mary was enticed away from Joe
By an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket
Lured into a life of SLEAZERY
With the entire road crew of some
Famous Rock Group
(I don’t know whether it was really Toad-O or not
…I don’t know… I’ll check it out)
Again we see
MUSIC
Causing
BIG TROUBLE!”

I now believe the 5th Wheel tells the contestants several false air dates just to get more people to tune in to watch their stupid show. I was told so many different times when it would air, now I don’t believe them no matter what. Oh well, no big deal. If you are really curious as to when it will air, call the 5th Wheel wankers and ask them: 1-323-954-9424 ask them when is the ‘5th Wheel episode number 537’ going to air.  They piss me off, tell them I said that.

My cousin Rachel is here visiting from CT, she has never been out on the town in NYC, so even though I am massaging Sting’s entourage and I am on call, I am still taking her around the city and showing her a good time. She is also a karaoke queen, in fact, she was into it way before I was, she is the one who got me into it, so it’s all her fault 😉

Gotta rest up for another day of touring the city with Rachel

xx Dot

Don’t even get me started about the vanishing of ‘Blog City’ for days at a time without a reason or apology. Don’t they know we NEED to blog?
If you are awake tonight at 1am ( NYC time) turn on the newtwork station near you that shows “the Fifth Wheel” show, as I was told tonight is the night they air my episode. They said that last night to, but didn’t pull through. I called today and whined about it and they said “sorry for the mix up, but for sure it will be on tonight” .

Hope it’s good.
Glad the blog is back-

Dr. Dot

I know she can afford underwear. I have to say, Lil’ Kim is by far my least favorite celebrity, hands down. I would rather stare at Michael Jackson’s face then hers. She has had so much plastic surgery that she doesn’t even look similar to her first album cover. She is, like Michael, also getting whiter. Lipo, new teeth, fake hair, fake eye colors, tit job, nose job, cheek implants, eyes lifted etc, she was so creepy to see at the Grammy’s. All that is nothing compared to her nasty choice of clothing, or lack of it.

Sure, we all dress hot sometimes, but shoving your FURRY Beaver in the crowds face while you are singing on stage is down right lewd. Why doesn’t she just do porn? I guess since Janet let her tit flop out at the Super Bowl, the shock bar has been raised, so in order to shock now, you really have to let it ALL hang out.