Q.
I like to practice safe sex, but almost every time I have sex the condom rips
and I have had a lot of sleepless nights worrying about getting preggy or worse, aids. What
am I doing wrong? Are there condoms that won’t tear?
Petrified Patty
A.
It could be the guy you are with isn’t getting you wet enough first of all. The
condom tears when your snatch isn’t wet enough. So take your time with foreplay, lots
of kissing, anticipation and oral to get your juices flowing. To be sure, carry some lube
with you, like
K-Y Jelly in a tiny inconspicuous container so it won’t be so obvious (if you
aren’t shy, whip out a big tube of gel and lather up). Take a tiny amount
of gel and wet your lips ( you know what lips I mean). If you put too much on
it, the condom may slip off inside of you and that’s not safe/fun either. Don’t save money on
condoms, buy a well known (and already lubricated) brand. If he moans about this lube process,
tell him he should spend more time making you wet and you wouldn’t have to bring your own juice.
Q.
My girl can’t suck my dick properly. I showed her videos and she still doesn’t
do it right.
Would I be out of line leaving her because of that?
Oral O’Brien
A.
If you left her for that, karma would kick you in the balls big time. Just take
her index finger and suck, lick, stroke it just like you would want her to treat your rod.
She will be able to feel how you like it.
Q.
Hey Doc, saw your column online. I am an American guy living in London. I have
only been here for a month and finally met a girl. We haven’t gotten down and dirty
yet, but we talk about it a lot on the phone. I am circumcised like all American men, and
I know from talking to my buddies over here that they are all uncut. I am afraid to
whip out my dick in front of this English girl. She said she has never been with an
American man before, so how should I go about showing her my snipped sausage without freaking
her out? I am really nervous and need help fast.
Butchered Brian
A.
First of all, think positive. You can’t grow the skin back or even by a new one,
so what’s done is done. Stand by your, erm, man, and be very confident that she
will love it. If you present it like it’s a freaky thing, she may panic. Just
don’t say a thing about it, just stick to your regular make out routine and if she
mentions it, just make a little joke and say "our Mom’s are so afraid that we won’t keep our
pecker skin clean, that they cut it off to prevent any dick cheese from growing".
She may love your cock because it’s different for her. The grass is always
greener theory could work in your favor.
* I’d like to take this opportunity to say, I prefer the natural "look"
and find the circumcising ritual to be stupid, selfish, cruel, and completely
unjustified. It should be illegal
^ Circumcision 🙁
Q.
I’ve been married for almost 5 yrs now. Everything was great except sex life.
I feel we don’t do it as much as in the beginning, we only do it once a month!.
I feel like he isn’t attracted to me as he used to. We talked about how I feel
a few times and he says he loves me and he’s really tired.
Beside all this I’ll get to the point, I gave my coworker a blowjob in my car
and my husband walked up to the car and saw it. I was drunk (I know, I can’t use that as an
excuse).
I still don’t know why I did it, I have never done anything like that before and
I ‘ve never cheated on my husband. That was the one time only. Now my husband won’t talk
to me, he said I am no longer his wife. I am only in the house because of our son. I know I did
an unacceptable mistake but I beg for his forgiveness and I beg for him to take me back. I
know I hurt him so much.
(We did have an agreement b4 we got married not to fuck any one else but I
broke my promise)
Now I am in hell, and it’s unbearable to think that He doesn’t love me
anymore. I can’t live this way..
Whats worse is that I don’t know what came to my head, for me to do what I have
done. I felt lifeless. How can I get my husband back????
A.
Tell him to lighten up! Hilary forgave BILL for getting a blow job. You did NOT
break your promise if it was not to fuck anyone else. Oral sex isn’t fucking someone else.
We are all human, and sometimes these things happen. True love should be able to withstand
a few mistakes. Write him a letter and tell him "it may be hard for you to trust me
again, but please believe I love you and that was just a physically weak moment, a point
where my lack of sex was too much to bear. Make sure you emphasize the points:
a. He was not giving it to you often enough even though you kept asking
b. Even the president was forgiven after a oral sex affair
c. You love him and would forgive him if that happened to him
d. Sex is NOT love. You love him, the other guy was just a drunken mistake.
e. Nobody is perfect ….And as far as your own piece of mind, remember, what
will be, will be and just because
you love one, doesn’t mean you have to hate the rest!