This is my syndicated Sex Column. Feel free to write me with any problems you may be having and no need to be shy, I always change the person's names around.
x
Q.
How can I politely hint to my girlfriend that I want to buy her a new pair of tits for her Birthday?
Hers are nice but less than a handful. I love her but need more Breasts.
Tittie Man Stan
A.
She will either be offended (imagine she bought you a penis extension because your knob wasn’t big enough for
her) OR she will let you buy them and get turned on by all that extra attention she is suddenly getting from men
(her confidence may soar) and she may want to try them out on those other, adoring men, who also love her new
implants. Unless your girl asks you for them, it’s probably better just to enjoy what she has and use your
imagination. Don’t fix what isn’t broken.
Q.
I am probably too young to be reading your column (I am a 15 year old girl) but I learn a lot from you and education
is never a bad thing. I am on the pill and sometimes I forget to take one. I have a steady boyfriend and yes,
we do screw very often. My question is, what if I sleep over his house and forget a pill or two, can I make it
up by taking them when I get home? I don’t want to get pregnant; my Dad would kill both of us.
Little Suzy
c 
A.
No, you can not make up for forgotten pills. If you take two at once, you will throw up violently (well, it may take 3
to make you blow chunks). You just have to be religious about taking them. Take one every morning you wake and if you miss a day, take it the next morning you can. The only way to avoid getting knocked up is by using condoms or not fucking at all. If you missed a day or two, put a rubber on him to be extra safe. If he whines about the condom (like most guys do) tell him it’s sexier to wear a condom than to be changing diapers.
Q.
I have fallen for probably one of the most unavailable men on the planet and can't get myself unhooked. I keep showing up at his gigs, as he is a hot Brooklyn rocker dude, he keeps coming home with me, or in the past, me to his, and we have sex – which is OK. And then he leaves a few hours later. The sex has been increasingly more like 'meat and potatoes' mainly because I think he does not want me to get too attached to him and fall in love. He never takes me out on a date – we only have sex after his gigs, I am a 38 year old groupie to a 40+ rocker. Why do I do this? Because I love the warmth he creates at his shows, because I think he is a brilliant writer and I am in love with his voice and have found so much music I like through him.
This has been going on and off for a year and a half. I don't want to marry him – just have some sort of passionate breakthrough -how can I make him feel something and show it?
-Groupie Love
A.
First of all, if you fall for unavailable men, you may subconsciously feel you don’t deserve to be loved. Dig deep, find out why and fix it.
I am totally against trying to convince a man to like you. The men either love you, or they don't. I have also been in your shoes, and it doesn't feel good, it feels like you are number 2, or maybe even number 3 and that is not good for one's self esteem.
You are settling for tiny scraps of affection he tosses your way when it's convenient for him.
It may go on like that forever, or until you demand more.
Dating a pop/rock star is never easy (look at Jerry Hall, Pam Anderson, Heather Locklear).
If the man isn't head over heels for you by now, he never will be.
I am sorry if you were expecting tips on how to convince him to love you, but I have to speak my mind. Great blow jobs do keep a man happy,
but you should only do that if you like to do it, not to convince a guy you are the one for him.
Successful and famous men are used to having women fall at their feet and do whatever they want, whenever they want, so they usually end up
falling for a women who doesn't give a fuck about their fame or fortune, one that acts indifferent; one who is a challenge. All men LOVE a challenge and face it, you aren't one for him. You are his booty call, and maybe not his only booty call.
Shake things up a bit by not being available for the monthly meat & potatoes. Maybe it would heat things up if you went to one of his shows with a hot male "friend" to finally see if he gives a shit or not. I totally understand the groupie love; the hero worship; I would probably do the same for Paul McCartney, but then again, I would pretend to not really care about who he is, like Heather did when she met him (yeah, right, an English girl who doesn’t know who the Beatles are). Only difference would be I wouldn't fuck it up like she did.
Q.
My wife got pregnant last summer and she miscarried about six weeks into the pregnancy.
She thinks it happened because we had sex right before she lost the baby. The sex was a
little rough, but everything I've ever heard is that there's
no way having sex can cause a miscarriage. There's many other factors that could have
caused it, and she knows it. For one thing she smokes, even when she's pregnant.
She's pregnant again, and she's afraid to have sex,
fearing it could cause her to lose this one too, yet she's still smoking as much as ever.
I just don't understand this. Doctors have told her, smoking is not good for the baby,
having sex will not hurt the baby. Yet she's more focused on giving up sex rather than her smokes.
How can I convince her that it's okay to have sex, but put it gently that maybe the smoking has
been the problem the whole time?
Future daddy–or not?
A.
Sex will not cause a miscarriage. Smoking will. Smoking increases the risk
of losing a genetically normal baby. Women who smoke more than
14 cigarettes a day are about twice as likely to miscarry.
The risk of miscarriage increases with the number of cigarettes a woman smokes.
Women who smoke during pregnancy are ignorant and selfish.
Go online with her and surf, there are endless articles that prove sex is FINE
during pregnancy, and smoking is can be deadly. I feel for you buddy, I really do.
Q.
I wank nearly every day so I am worried would I run out off cum, so how many
times can we cum?
Young, Dumb and hopefully, full of cum
A.
Lucky for you, you are a never ending fountain of spunk. Your balls produce about
about 300 million sperm every time you cum; they start brewing a new
batch as soon as you shoot your wad. It's impossible to run out of sperm.
In fact, the more often a man cums, the more sperm he produces, which explains why
Men never use up all their sperm. Wank away my friend.
Q.
I am in a tough situation and bet you can help. I was friends with this guy long ago,
and he got married and I became best friends with his wife. In fact, I get along with
her much better than I ever did him. Before I became such great friends with her, he used
to ask me to let him use my apartment to screw other girls. As time passed, this stopped
because he noticed that his wife and I were best buddies. Now it bothers me badly not to
tell her the truth that I know he cheats on her. He doesn't treat her well anyways and I
just wish I could tell her he is not worth the stress he puts her through. I am afraid but
something inside me tells me she has to know. Do I tell her or not?
Stuck with the Truth
A.
Would YOU want to know if your man was cheating? Even though the truth will set you free,
it may well turn you into the enemy. The messenger usually gets shot. Some people are so
in love that they don't want to believe the truth, even if you had photographs of him
cheating, she may find a way to deny it; to defend him. She may end up thinking of you
as the one trying to break up her marriage. What would you gain? Nothing. If she is meant
to find out that her husband is a lair, and then she will. What will be, will be. If she finds
out and knows you knew all along and asks why you didn’t tell her, blame it on me.