Please feel free to email me your questions. I answer every email personally. Don't worry, I always change the names around, so no one will know your questions or secrets. Dr. Dot drdot@drdot.com
Q.
I'm married for 5 years; we've been together for about 15. Two kids, happy. The thing is that I don't like sex.
I could literally go for the rest of my life without it and be fine with that. For a while I thought it was just him that I wasn't
attracted to, but even in between our dating, I was like that with EVERY guy.
I'm not a lesbian; women don’t turn me on that way. I get turned on by men,
but don't like sex. Goes back to Endometriosis and pain I had a hysterectomy at 28,
but still don’t like sex. I love and adore my husband. He's sexy but due to my lack of sex drive, our sex life is slacking.
I haven't yet said anything to him, but I feel bad about it and wouldn't be completely objected to him
sleeping with someone else just to get that part of him satisfied. In that past I would
have NEVER dreamed of oral sex, but over the past year or two, I've been doing it occasionally
just to get out of having sex. Sure, I have to stop every few seconds to stop myself
from gagging or throwing up. But I still do it. Also, I still refuse to receive it.
This CAN'T be normal?"
Honest Housewife
A.
I know a few women like this. I am not saying it’s normal, but it's not rare either.
Remember Bill and Hilary? You have two kids already and are not opposed to him getting his jollies elsewhere, so you know what you like and what you don't like.
However, if he does have sex with others, there may be a chance he’ll love the sex, gets used to it again, and may end up changing waterfalls, so to speak. MANY women fuck/suck their men just to shut them up (which is sad ) so you’re not alone. Perhaps I am a freak but I think knowing you HAVE to do it, is a turn off, hence marriage can be a catch 22 situation. You marry for love, but the pressure of routine kills the passion. It's best to be honest with yourself and your partner and put all of your cards on the table and see what he says.
It may even make you wet; being completely honest, to the point where you
just don't give a fuck about the consequences, can be so enlightening, that it's a turn
on. Who knows, it may just flip your switch back on.
Q.
My penis is 1 inch when floppy; 2 when hard. I’m only 14 and I have heard it
will grow when you get older but it has been this way since my balls have dropped.
I was about to get a blow job; when I pulled my pants down, she laughed and told
the whole school. I really want it to grow to at least average size so that I
won't have to be afraid to show it off when I am asked to. Help.
The Angry Inch
A.
You have to accept that you’ll never have a monster cock, but you can make it a tad
bigger by using it as much as you can, be it by wanking or screwing. Like I’ve
said in the past, it’s similar to any other muscle; the more you exercise
it, the stronger (and bigger) it will grow. You should learn to be an expert
at giving foot massages and licking pussy, that will be your secret weapon. Making
the ladies laugh will also help them over look any "short" comings you have. Asian
girls have the tightest pussies (um, I’ve been told) so maybe gravitate towards them,
they may even think of your tiny tool as hard to handle. Ps. Does your mom know you read my column?
Q.
I have been married for 13 years. In the beginning, as with most couples,
sex was frequent and fulfilling. Frequency diminished over the years, yet it
was always fulfilling. 3 years ago, during sex, my husband had a heart attack.
An ambulance rushed him to the hospital. That was the last time we had sex.
I have tried to be understanding and thankful he is still alive, yet I need
to have sex. He claims that all sexual desire is now gone. I do realize he is frightened
about what happened, but how can someone totally lose ALL desire? He definitely
doesn’t have a girlfriend, nor masturbate.
I suggested that we just fool around and not have sex. I have made
offers to have a girlfriend join us, one of his biggest fantasies. I have even
masturbated when we go to bed, trying to "guilt" him into touching me.
To no avail. My sex drive is like that of a 17 year old boy. I masturbate, at least,
twice a day. I’m dying here. How can I help him regain sexual desire?
Camarillo Brillo
A.
Dr. Phil and Ophra would probably tell you do drag him to an expensive marriage
counselor that would take ages and may or may not work but would certainly take
a private, sensitive subject and make it even more sensitive & turn a passionate,
spontaneous ritual into an annoying chore for him. How about going away for the
weekend, camping or staying at a hotel and just go down on him in the shower.
I think your bedroom and that bed will always remind him of almost dying in your
pussy. You need to change the surroundings before even attempting to shag him again.
If none of that works, come right out and tell him you need sex and he should
either fuck you or give you permission to fuck someone else (he can watch?) or
you may end up cheating without his knowledge or leaving him all together. A hungry
pussy should never go to waste.
Ps. maybe you and the “Honest Housewife” should
trade spouses every weekend.
Q.
I have been here in NYC for 4 years and am like many others, not from here originally.
However, at 36, I am older than the average new immigrant. I am also black,
well-educated and traveled, have good social skills and am employed. (Read, "not of the young and tragically hip")
In the last 3 years, I have had plenty of sex, and a couple of long-term lovers with whom I have enjoyed more than time in bed.
But, once I decided I wanted to look for more, my search has yielded nothing. I haven't yet met anyone with whom I am mutually
attracted and who also has an interest in a long-term relationship. I am not too picky: cute, smart, funny, mature, and sexually confident
can't be too much to ask for someone in my age group, right?
I do the dating sites regularly, meet people constantly, and can even count a number of my former dates among my pool of friends.
But in the last month alone, the number of married or partnered men who answer my ad suggesting an affair has been depressing.
(I'm not a moralist about it, just not interested.) And the number of single people I meet who believe asking for a 2nd date 3
weeks after the first is staggering. (And, just for clarification, those are not sex dates.)
I am tired of being single! I want a partner! I have been reading your column faithfully, and it seems that your overall assertion is
that Manhattan is not the place for partner-minded people.
Surely there are strategies or gathering sites for we similarly afflicted people even in the city of the Swingin' Singles?
Or should I seriously consider a(nother) move?
Somebody to Love, Sadie
A.
Big cities all have one thing in common:
The masses of people/oportunities make it difficult to concentrate on just one person; one relationship. It's easier in the suburbs
and country to find a partner to settle down with, simply because there are less people to choose from and less going on.
Big cities like NYC are crawling with sexy young singles and although it's an aphrodisiac, it can also be torture for
monogamous minded peeps. Unless you are willing
to move to a small town and start over, I suggest placing ads and being VERY specific about your needs.
I placed an ad for a girlfriend a few years ago, just for fun. I wrote it for her as she was too shy.
I was really blatant in the ad, stating "Sexy, Single woman wants generous, nonsmoking, relationship
minded man. Send pics if you want a reply". She got over 50 replies and on the 3rd date she met her current husband/father
of their child. They are still together and that was 9 years ago. There IS love in Manhattan; there's just too much of it.
You have to be more aggressive when courting a long term love here as the hetero men have the advantage of being outnumbered
by women (and gay males) two times over, which leaves the single women very few single, straight men to choose from.
So, either be more specific in your ads, turn “bi” to increase your chances or stop looking all together, as if you've given up;
and love may sneak up on you (a watched pot never boils) or move to a smaller city, one where meeting people is a
bit easier as Nyc, the city of fun,
will never change, it loves to be "single, but dating".
Q.
I am currently seeing this 28 year old – I'm 31. It's been 9 months. I know all his friends, his parents,
and he wants to see me, calls, etc..
We have had a few dramas – what beauties – but in the end we worked thru it and we keep moving forward.
We are both fireballs and a little stubborn – him more than me, but he is patient and forgiving. We are both 'catches'.
The problem: he is not verbal at all – but when I mention it, he does try to correct it. There is very little talk of future.
I asked him over dinner if he saw me in his future and he said “yes”, and that he “doesn't waste time”.
Is the non-verbal thing ok, if he is showing in other ways? Should I stay in this and keep flowing or change
it by breaking up? Part of me thinks maybe he'll never be ready.
Ms. Stay or go
A.
You asked a question I would personally never, ever ask a man: "do you see us sharing a future?". That is a waste of breath
and shows them you are insecure and aiming at putting pressure on them. He said "yes, I don't waste time". This should have
made you feel really confident, but you are still questioning the relationship. You seem to be looking for a way out,
in my opinion. Love doesn't come with insurance and all we have is today. You can not ensure a future with anyone.
You can get hit by a car; he could die of cancer. Just chill and enjoy the present with
this man who seems to really love you (you met his parents, friends, he verbalized seeing you in his future).
So what he isn't verbal? If you want verbal, date a woman.
