The Weblog Of Dr. Dot Stein
I tried to go swimming today and was quickly reminded how GAY Berlin really is:
Then went out to eat at an Asian restaraunt and accidentally saw how they made their "Chicken" Stir Fry
So, as you can see, I am pretty excited about my upcoming trip to NYC this Sunday. I hope to get the freakin' Jeff Beck and
Stones blog done soon. But that Chicken Stir fry gave me a belly ache, so I have to lie down, too ill to blog 🙂
x
Q.
I like to practice safe sex, but almost every time I have sex the condom rips
and I have had a lot of sleepless nights worrying about getting preggy or worse, aids. What
am I doing wrong? Are there condoms that won’t tear?
Petrified Patty
A.
It could be the guy you are with isn’t getting you wet enough first of all. The
condom tears when your snatch isn’t wet enough. So take your time with foreplay, lots
of kissing, anticipation and oral to get your juices flowing. To be sure, carry some lube
with you, like
K-Y Jelly in a tiny inconspicuous container so it won’t be so obvious (if you
aren’t shy, whip out a big tube of gel and lather up). Take a tiny amount
of gel and wet your lips ( you know what lips I mean). If you put too much on
it, the condom may slip off inside of you and that’s not safe/fun either. Don’t save money on
condoms, buy a well known (and already lubricated) brand. If he moans about this lube process,
tell him he should spend more time making you wet and you wouldn’t have to bring your own juice.
Q.
My girl can’t suck my dick properly. I showed her videos and she still doesn’t
do it right.
Would I be out of line leaving her because of that?
Oral O’Brien
A.
If you left her for that, karma would kick you in the balls big time. Just take
her index finger and suck, lick, stroke it just like you would want her to treat your rod.
She will be able to feel how you like it.
Q.
Hey Doc, saw your column online. I am an American guy living in London. I have
only been here for a month and finally met a girl. We haven’t gotten down and dirty
yet, but we talk about it a lot on the phone. I am circumcised like all American men, and
I know from talking to my buddies over here that they are all uncut. I am afraid to
whip out my dick in front of this English girl. She said she has never been with an
American man before, so how should I go about showing her my snipped sausage without freaking
her out? I am really nervous and need help fast.
Butchered Brian
A.
First of all, think positive. You can’t grow the skin back or even by a new one,
so what’s done is done. Stand by your, erm, man, and be very confident that she
will love it. If you present it like it’s a freaky thing, she may panic. Just
don’t say a thing about it, just stick to your regular make out routine and if she
mentions it, just make a little joke and say "our Mom’s are so afraid that we won’t keep our
pecker skin clean, that they cut it off to prevent any dick cheese from growing".
She may love your cock because it’s different for her. The grass is always
greener theory could work in your favor.
* I’d like to take this opportunity to say, I prefer the natural "look"
and find the circumcising ritual to be stupid, selfish, cruel, and completely
unjustified. It should be illegal
^ Circumcision 🙁
Q.
I’ve been married for almost 5 yrs now. Everything was great except sex life.
I feel we don’t do it as much as in the beginning, we only do it once a month!.
I feel like he isn’t attracted to me as he used to. We talked about how I feel
a few times and he says he loves me and he’s really tired.
Beside all this I’ll get to the point, I gave my coworker a blowjob in my car
and my husband walked up to the car and saw it. I was drunk (I know, I can’t use that as an
excuse).
I still don’t know why I did it, I have never done anything like that before and
I ‘ve never cheated on my husband. That was the one time only. Now my husband won’t talk
to me, he said I am no longer his wife. I am only in the house because of our son. I know I did
an unacceptable mistake but I beg for his forgiveness and I beg for him to take me back. I
know I hurt him so much.
(We did have an agreement b4 we got married not to fuck any one else but I
broke my promise)
Now I am in hell, and it’s unbearable to think that He doesn’t love me
anymore. I can’t live this way..
Whats worse is that I don’t know what came to my head, for me to do what I have
done. I felt lifeless. How can I get my husband back????
A.
Tell him to lighten up! Hilary forgave BILL for getting a blow job. You did NOT
break your promise if it was not to fuck anyone else. Oral sex isn’t fucking someone else.
We are all human, and sometimes these things happen. True love should be able to withstand
a few mistakes. Write him a letter and tell him "it may be hard for you to trust me
again, but please believe I love you and that was just a physically weak moment, a point
where my lack of sex was too much to bear. Make sure you emphasize the points:
a. He was not giving it to you often enough even though you kept asking
b. Even the president was forgiven after a oral sex affair
c. You love him and would forgive him if that happened to him
d. Sex is NOT love. You love him, the other guy was just a drunken mistake.
e. Nobody is perfect ….And as far as your own piece of mind, remember, what
will be, will be and just because
you love one, doesn’t mean you have to hate the rest!
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THANKS!
Jasmine has been in Italy for the last 11 days. At first some tiny island near Naples, now in Pompeii ( I can’t be bothered about spelling at the moment, it’s 6am and I am still up).
I will go back to NYC in a couple weeks, to see those close to me and make the rounds at my favorite karaoke digs. My band, BITCHFEST is taking up a LOT of my time now and well,
it’s not financially lucrative to say the least. Now I can put my heroes like McCartney, Zappa, Waters on an even higher pedestal, seeing how much work it actually is to write songs, rehearse, gig, etc, all for free. My least favorite part of the whole being in a band thing is all the fucking cigarette smoke I have to be around. EVERYONE in my band, including my manager, CHAIN SMOKES! Then at the studio and gigs, it’s even worse. I may very well just quit the whole "rock star" shit because of the smoke! ( I bet I would be the first artist to quit for such a petty reason). Anyhow, can’t wait to get my hands on Jasmine again, squeeze her madly, then bring her school shopping, spoil her, etc. *sigh* she is a cutie!
I STILL haven’t done my Jeff Beck and Stones blog. When the weather is nice, it’s hard to focus (read: sit still). I am super happy now, lovin’ Berlin more than ever before. Ok, there are still some things that get on my nerves, like I said, the cigarette smoke here is EVERYWHERE, they even smoke in the bank, video store, etc, it’s really ILL. AND the Germans could be a tad friendlier, but the World Cup seemed to help a bit, there is still a party atmosphere on the streets, hope it lasts.
I don’t exactly hang out with many Germans anyways (well, my band and a couple of my best friends are German) but I hang around with English people mainly, there are LOADS of them here and they make everyone laugh, they make Berlin fun. I wish Satu, my Finnish friend still lived here, then it would be even better. She is back in Helsinki now..booo, hissss!
^ Chrissy, our drummers girlfriend, drew this onto my ass before a live television appearance I made last Wednesday. For a gag, we told them
our whole band got a BITCHFEST tattoo. They asked me where mine was and so I pulled my pants down and showed them. Ahhh, that was fun.
If you have never seen the League of Gentlemen I HIGHLY recommend it. It’s an English tv series, the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, honestly! I am hooked on it now.
later
xo Dot
< I KNEW she had a cock
Q.
I seem to have a problem getting girls, I am 18 almost 19 had not one
girlfriend through high school. I have been told i have a great personality
and I’m very funny but I have somewhat a low self-esteem and think that the girls
I find attractive are better than me and the other ones I just don’t find
attractive. Do you have any advice?
Lonely Luke
< Frumpy gals can be fun too
A.
Young guys are usually too picky with girls. But, as time goes on and you
realize they aren’t exactly throwing themselves at you; you may need to lower
your standards a bit, as in, she doesn’t have to look like Angelina Jole or
Hilary Duff. Girls that are super hot are sometimes shallow and/or mean, they
don’t have to develop a good character as they get by on their looks, so maybe
you should take notice of the plain girls for once.
Confidence wins over most girls, and to build it, you may need to "date down"
(a girl less attractive then yourself) I know this sounds mean, but it will
give you practice and build your confidence. Making girls laugh is the best
aphrodisiac that I know of.
Q.
I broke up with a girl in June who I was seeing for over a year and was madly
in love with. I know she was in love with me but she walked in on me
and my female friend who was sleeping over my apartment and went nuts.
Long story short, the situation got very ugly. I don’t know what to do
now.
I still love her but I don’t know if I could trust her or she trust me if we
ever got back together again. She’s tried calling me to talk about things but
I’ve just been mean because I’m still confused and hurt. I don’t know
how much time should pass
between us for this to settle down. Help me out Doc.
Burnt Out Brian
A.
I wouldn’t let too much time pass or she will have found another. No one is
irreplaceable. You say you aren’t sure if you can trust her yet you had a
female sleeping over that she didn’t know about, and you are being mean to
her when she calls. You must have a huge cock. Not many girls would put up
with that shit, sorry. If you "still love her" like
you say, you better get busy and show it, or you can kiss that one good bye.
Q.
Recently my girlfriend stopped halfway through sex, so i asked her about
it and she told me that its always the same and she needs a little change in
how i do her. She says it has nothing to do with the position but just how i
do her. I have no idea what that means. i don’t know if its speed or pressure, I
just don’t know. She also said she wants more excitement. I know a healthy sex
life is really important. I want to keep her wanting it. I basically want her
to be desperate for it. lol. I’m scared that she will go elsewhere for what she wants.
Please help me.
Joel
Doing it in public can add excitement to your sex life ^
A.
Making your girlfriend "desperate" for sex will usually back fire on you, as
(a) girls don’t NEED it as bad as guys do (b) Girls can get laid any time, any
where, so don’t push your luck.
Try doing her outside to add spice. Ask her to wear a skirt or dress and just
lift it up somewhere quiet (or a public toilet) and give her a good licking/stickin. Always doing it in
the bed room will bore anyone. Use your imagination and ask her for ideas. Communication
and fantasy are vital for a hot sex life.
Q.
I want to surprise my boyfriend with an intimate piercing but I cant
have sex for one or two weeks because of the healing process, so what’s a good
excuse I could use to avoid sex for a week?
< Piercing the clam
A.
Tell him you have a ragging bladder/yeast infection. If he gets to nosy and/or
pushy, give him oral sex to ease the tension.
Q.
My boyfriend and I had a long distance relationship for two years. He told me
if I move to the East Coast we would marry and move into a big house. I moved
into his tiny apartment 3 years ago and guess what? Still no marriage proposal
and sadly, no big house. I feel he has gotten so comfy that we will never move on
in our relationship. He is 38 and I am 35 and I don’t want to wait forever to
have a kid and live in a real house. I feel cheated as I left my whole life behind
for this mirage. How do I get him to move his ass?
Pissed off Pammie
A.
Ah, the old Bait and Switch.
I think it’s a bad idea when the woman changes her life for the man. He should
change his life for you if anything. Now it’s done and you see the results.
It’s an old expression, but why should he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free?
If you miss your old life, tell him you want to move back there and he can
join you if he wants. If you like the East Coast, try to get your own place
and make sure you tell him why you are moving out. If he
wants you bad enough, he will move his ass and fulfill his promise. If not,
you won’t feel as guilty leaving that bullshit behind.
Q. My husband has been asking me for a "titty-fuck" lately, I wonder where he came up with this all of the sudden. I am too shy to rent pornographic movies, being a mom and all. How does one do this correctly? My breasts are only 36 B.
Timid Tara
A. Sit him on the corner of your bed (doesn’t work if mattress is on the floor) or put him in a chair. Kneel in front of him, with lubrication gel close at hand. Blow him a bit first to make sure he is up for the occasion, then lube your cleavage a bit, stick his knob in between your breasts and squeeze them together as hard as you can, then slide your tits up and down his shaft in a nice, slow rhythm. It’s rather difficult (they make it look so easy in the "movies"). Smile and make eye contact to let him know you are having a blast. It may be difficult/impossible to get him to cum like that, so don’t take it personally; the titty fuck is mainly for wank-bank footage.
Q. My girlfriends vagina has a fishy smell could she have some kind of infection if so what could it be?
Wondering William
A. Bacterial vaginosis (BV) causes a fishy smell and some itching/burning (oh so fun). It’s not 100% clear how BV is related to sexual activity, although there may be a link with having a new sexual partner and/or a large number of sexual partners. The coil seems to increase the risk of BV. Sometimes the "fishy" smell comes from the sperm, after all, sperm is like a fish, a tiny Tadpole. If there is any sperm lingering around in her snatch, it could start to smell like dead fish after a while, so don’t be so quick to blame the chicks for smelling like fish when you guys are the ones who produce it.
^ Looks FISHY to me
Q. I have tried everything to please my boyfriend (we are an item since 2 years). Even though he keeps getting fired, I still treat him like a king, I fuck him constantly and cook for him too. He is always in a bad mood and snaps at me all the time. I even started to use your massage tips to pamper him but it only seems to make him worse. He is super good looking and has a giant dick, so it’s hard to leave him. What can I do to cheer him up and make him happier.
Hopeless Heidi
A. If a man hates his job or feels inadequate, it is difficult for him to be nice to his girlfriend. He probably resents you for loving him and treating him so well, as subconsciously he feels he doesn’t deserve it and gets pissed off that you put him on such a high pedestal when he knows he hasn’t earned the privilege. If they have a tiny dick, no car or hate their job, they may take it out on their loved ones. Sooo, the nicer you are, the meaner he will get. Stop putting so much effort into things, just BE. Make him swoon over you, it’s his turn to be the fucking cheer leader. You will see an immediate change. Not for all, but for some it’s : Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen.
Finally, some one DIRECTLY in NYC that can hold the fort while I’m away or busy.
Meet Daryl, the latest addition to my growing massage team. It is SO hard to find
a dependable, STRONG and high qualified Massage Therapist in big cities, but I
got lucky when I found Daryl. I am sooo grateful to have her on my team. Please
read more about her below and have a look at her picture. If you need a kick ass massage
in the big apple, just give me a shout. If I’m not there, I will send Daryl and if I am there
and you want the 4 handed massage, we will sort you out together!
cheers!
Dr. Dot
My name is Daryl and I am a NYS Licensed Massage Therapist. Like many of Dr.
Dot’s assistants, I have made massage and healing therapies my life’s work. I
presently work in the Big Apple providing therapeutic massage work to many a
stressed out New Yorker. I may only be 5 foot 1 but don’t let that fool you… If you
need deep work, I’m your girl! My style of massage tends to be a mix of Eastern
and Western modalities, including Swedish, Shiatsu, Deep Tissue, Sports, Trigger
Point and Myofacial Release work. I am creative and intuitive, always remaining
focused on the needs of my clients. I am also certified to do Healing (Hot/Cold)
Stone massage and Pre/Post Natal massage.
In addition to my Associate’s degree in Massage Therapy from the Swedish Institute,
I hold a Bachelor’s in English from SUNY Buffalo and will be starting a Master’s in
Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine at Pacific College, this Fall ‘06.
What got me to Dot? I saw her on TV a couple of years ago and when I heard
she was looking for a NYC assistant, I jumped at the chance to be part of her team.
It’s important for entertainers to be able to perform their best. Massage can help
Keep you less stressed and in peak physical shape in order to rock our world!
In Dr. Dot fashion, I am a true lover of music as well! My favorite concerts will
always be Lenny Kravitz ‘92, Phil Collins ’87, the Black Crowes Oct, 29, 2001 @ the
Beacon, Metallica summer ‘92, Sting opening for the Dead in Chicago and all the
Grateful Dead shows through my years in college.
So now that you’re here in the city that never sleeps, come see me for a session to
work out all your kinks! Oh did I mention I give a killer foot massage?
< Click to hear our band
We did LOADS of publicity stuff for our first gig in Berlin. Lot's of TV spots (some were dumb, they had me massage random people on the street in front of the club) but hey, sometimes you have to sing for your supper. That's Enno on the right. He is almost impossible to photograph, moves around so much.
Funny thing is, Sansi ^ (guy with hat and sun glasses) is our drummer, but they had him play guitar for this one TV spot. Sansi doing what he does best at our gig ^
;
< I was surprised how packed our gig was
From left to right ^ Vitri, Enno, me, Frank (bass), Sansi (hidden) and Thimo on guitar. ^Me with sexy groupies/dancers. I was singing Highway to Hell
The first two rows were just press. They stayed the WHOLE show. I poured a whole bottle of water over my head. I was like "fuck it, I'm wet anyways, let's just go for it".
I started with a Frank Zappa t-shirt ^ (this was made by a friend called Ines especially for me) then I changed into a Motorhead shirt that Phil (from Motorhead) gave me. I ripped it up right before show time. Then at the end of the show I put an Aerosmith shirt on, that was customized by Ines. I decided to just sing barefoot the whole time and I was afraid of getting electrocuted since I poured all that water on my head and there were wires and cables all around my feet, but hey, I'm still alive.
See that cutie in the shiny black rubber skirt? That is Vitri, my back up singer. Jasmine in the crowd ^ watching me belt out some Janis
< From L to R: Enno, Vitri, me, Thimo
^ The girls in action ^ ANOTHER change of clothes (fuck, I'm worse than Cher!
Not sure if you saw our Flyer but we had a Groupie Application form on the back. Jaeger Meister saw our flyer, found the idea amazing and said they will watch our show and they want to see how we do the Groupie competition. So what started out as just a joke, actually turned into a real Groupie contest. I had some of the girls come on stage and show their stuff. Literally. Our drummer, Sansi, got a lap dance while he played.
Christy came from far away to be there, I was really grateful. ^She shared her tattoo with the crowd and they went WILD!
^ Shai and Danielle were part of the groupie game, and made the after show party in our dressing room a men magnet.^ Christy with her brews
< Um, this fella LOVES feet.
I gave Danielle (who danced for me in our version of HOT LEGS) a nice foot rub after the show ^
I have been to WELL over 3,000 shows so far and I have to say, our dressing room party was one of the best I have ever seen. Not just saying that, it really ROCKED! It was packed until 6:30 am!! A few famous German actors popped in and there were loads of Brits raising HELL all night long. The venue is called "White Trash" and they loved us so much they asked us to play once a month starting in September. Bitchfest will play the first Wednesday of every month from Sept 6th on. I will be doing A LOT of flying back and forth from NYC to Berlin from now on.
< Finally some male groupies for us!
Like I said, our dressing room was PACKED! These lads kept pounding the SHIT out of the ceiling all night, singing soccer chants (yay!)
I have written a few songs for Bitchfest. I am good with words, but can't get a melody going. I guess I am too intimidated by my musical heros. I mean, how the fuck can you top
"the long and winding road"? . I come up with lyrics everyday, then send them to my band, and then they put them to melodies. Here is one song I wrote called "Adios Hedgehog" let me know what you think about it. I feel with a name like BITCHFEST I am allowed to vent and bitch in my songs if I want. We are not the Bay City Rollers ok?
Hey Mr. Bait and Switch, you psycho son of a bitch,
you are shorter than me, that just won't do. Only thing you could do was massage and screw,
and that's just 'cause I taught you to.
Only takes the girls weeks to escape from you. Locking them in your house just
won't do. I hope when you hear this song you start to shake and bite what's left
of your nails, get nervous like you do.
*chorus:
I'm glad it's over, finally sober, not drunk on your lies anymore
This parting has surely inspired, you say there are ten men
at my door? Send one home, I'm tired
Your music bores, so save your pennies for the whores. Such a fibber,
pretentious Indian giver,
Remember this sound: What goes around, comes around, you vicious little troll.
Goodbye insecure tiny scammer, I hope they toss you in the slammer"
*chorus:
Move on shorty, it's over, won't take your stalkin' anymore
This parting has surely inspired, you say there are ten men at my door?
Send one home, I'm tired
A few days after my gig, I got into the Football mood (soccer for you yanks) and went out partying big time. I passed by this bar on Oreinienburger strasse in Berlin
and saw everyone toking off this massive pipe and had a go. It's NOT grass, it's scented tobacco so I spat it out right away, ew! It is a very popular thing here to toke for hours off of these
"Shisha" pipes, the bars and cafes hand them out, it does smell better than cigarettes.
John from Belfast, me, and Rory enjoy a crowded as FUCK Ku'damm after German just won a world cup game. Here were are again raising hell ^
Christy took this ^ shot of me spitting off a very high balcony at Tacheles < click to see picture
Next day Christy and I headed to Fan Mile to watch England play against Portugal ^ (photo taken by Rory)
We were GUTTED when England lost. I feel they had no chance with an Argentinian ref, but what's done is done. We got TONS of shit from German fans the
rest of the night. They were hissing and boooing at us and telling us "Englanders" to go home. Even though we aren't English, I still got defensive at the seemingly
racial tension going on. One guy even tried to start a fight over our English shirts. 'Hello, calm the fuck down', was my attitude for the rest of the weekend to say the least.
Rory's photo of me supporting England ^ the final world cup game when Italy won ^
^ Rory took some amazing pictures of the whole world cup Berliner scene, thanks for letting me use them for my blog 🙂
