Category: Dr. Dot

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Roger Waters = AMAZING!

Roger Waters = AMAZING!

Sometimes it’s hard for me to express in words the excitement of touching certain people. This doesn’t happen often. Last week, June 8th and 9th to be exact I was in heaven and it has taken me a few days to get my feet back on the ground. For some it may be hard to grasp being so excited about a musician, but I could tell you, it would be the same for a boxer to win a match, a soccer team to win the world cup, you get my drift.

I have met Roger Waters several times over the years and each time I am over the moon with glee. He has always been an object of my desire since the first time I heard his music. The fondness grew stronger when I first laid eyes on him in the film the Wall when I was in the 7th grade. Such a talented mastermind and so attractive and on top of that, he is the coolest. If you have any doubts, please watch the film “Pink Floyd: LIVE AT POMPEII” and after you watch it, think of me saying “I told you so”.

It may sound odd to some but for me, Roger is the UK version of Zappa, but probably just to me. His lyrics are so deep, so meaningful, they teach. Waters and Zappa wrote lyrics that I studied more than any subject in school. Ditto with the Beatles, but Waters (as well as Zappa) did many concept albums and they are not just entertaining, they really changed my way of looking at life. Animals, Dark Side of the Moon and The Pro’s and Cons of Hitchhiking are 3 albums I could not live without. I know, sounds obsessive, but we all have our cravings.

Roger wrote 98% of all Pink Floyd lyrics and music, (for example, Roger wrote the Wall and The Pro’s and Cons ALONE, and then presented them to the rest of the band and said “I will do one of these as a solo project, which one would you all like to do as a group. They chose the Wall. The Pro’s and Con’s is just as good, if not better, than the Wall. “Reg” is beyond AWESOME. He IS Pink Floyd in my opinion. I can not go see “Pink Floyd” if Roger isn’t there. I have videos of Floyd when Gilmour wasn’t even in the band. I do love Gilmour and the rest of the band, but I am a Roger fan and stand by that 100 %. Once in 1987, Roger was on tour and so were Pink Floyd. In Providence, RI, “Pink Floyd” (without Roger!) played and the very next day, Roger played ( I went to the show). There were so many fools walking around wearing shirts that said “Fuck Roger” I wanted to hurl! They bought them at the Pink Floyd show and they were black with the same writing as there is on the Wall album. How tacky.  Enough ass kissing you say? Bollocks, don’t get me started, I could go on and on about “Reg” (Roger’s nickname). My 4 musical favorites are Beatles, Zappa, Floyd and the Stones;  sometimes it changes, as in, some months it’s Floyd, Beatles, Stones and Zappa, and other times it’s Zappa, Stones, Floyd, Beatles; know what I mean? Those are my top three, and just like you shouldn’t choose your favorite child, don’t press me to choose just one favorite. Although over the years I have sort of loved the Beatles way more than the Stones. Long story..

I remember driving around NH, in between Grateful Dead tours, with my younger brother and sister, CRANKING the cassette: Ummagumma. I made them listen to it repeatedly. Then it was onto Meddle, Pipers at the Gates of Dawn, Saucerful of Secrets, Obscured by Clouds, Relics, a Nice Pair, even Barretts INSECTS album. I raised my daughter on great music although I never played Zappa for her until she was 18. His lyrics are rated PG. heh heh.

Jasmine can play ‘Wish you were here’ and some Beatles tunes on her guitar, which is so satisfying to me. 

I have seen over 3,000 shows now, all for free. The only time I have bought tickets was before I turned 15 and for a Roger Waters benefit show in 1990 here in Berlin, his WALL show and then again for the Zappa plays Zappa show and more recently the June 8th Roger Waters show here in Berlin. Those shows were so important to me, that I didn’t want to risk it, what if no one wanted a massage? I had to be sure we were getting in. I ended up getting backstage for Zappa plays Zappa and gave my tix away to Jasmine’s pal and luckily, the same happened at the Roger Waters show. 

It was looking like Jasmine and I would just be in the audience to see the show, but in the last minute, I decided to just try- I called Simon, a tour manager turned friend, whom I have known for a few years now. He worked with Dave Gahan and I saw him backstage at Live 8 with Roger Waters. He called me and he said “Dot, where are you? Can’t believe we are in Berlin and you’re not backstage”.

Um, say no more, Jasmine and I grabbed a cab and were bouncing off the taxi walls with insane excitement. The taxi driver was about 70 years old and took the longest, slowest possible route which made me want to explode, but nevertheless, we got there as the show started as we ran towards the stage singing the first song “In the Flesh” out loud (all of the Germans were looking at us like WTF??!!), but we didn’t give a flying fuck.

I was wearing an English Football (er, soccer for you yanks) shirt  and this made me the object of hateful glares all night from the German football fans. They kept saying to me in amusing  English “You are VEARING zeeee  VRONG SHIRT!”. heh heh, we’ll see mates, we’ll see.

Jasmine wanted to watch the show from the side, but I dragged her backstage as I wanted to thank Simon profusely for the backstage passes. He was super happy to see us and insisted we watch the show ON the stage in the VIP section.  Jasmine was basically hyperventilating at this point from too much joy at once. She and I have watched Live at Pompeii an unhealthy amount of times and she has never seen Roger live before. *sigh*.

Simon bring us drinks on stage, hello, could he be any fucking nicer? Simon is the bomb!!!!  ^

Please don’t read me the riot act here, yes, Jasmine had a beer. She will be 17 on Monday (June 19th) . Hello! They all start really young here in Europe, enjoying their beverages. If you try to prevent/forbid it, they just do it even more. I just go with the flow and trust her judgment. 

The sound was amazing, I haven’t head such amazing sound quality since last years Live 8 when Pink Floyd reformed.

Roger is a perfectionist and I am grateful for that. My ears were smiling all night long. Jasmine started to weep during Wish you Were Here. You know how certain songs remind you of a certain person/time, well, that song had a lot of folks bleary eyed. I love how Roger goes to the edge of the stage and sings, even when he isn’t in front of a mic. I told him that I like that and he said he likes to encourage people to sing along and it works. The whole place seemed to know every word to every song, even though English isn’t their mother tongue.

^  Has been playing guitar for Roger for ages. Mr. Andy Fairweather Lowe, the Great!

I am wearing the RIGHT shirt!   ^ 

 < Jasmine and I in heaven!

  The set list ^ which Roger Signed the next day after his massage. So, I massaged Simon after the show and he said that Roger wanted a massage the next day at 6pm, You know I was there early, with bells on, so to speak. Simon brought me to Roger’s room to set up and get prepared for when Roger returned from Golfing. It was the first warm and sunny day in ages in Berlin, great for Golfing. Funny how so many rock stars go Golfing in Berlin (Alice Cooper is one of many).

The TV was on and the first game of the World Cup was on. Germany vs Costa Rica (Germany won that game  4 – 2 by the way).  Roger arrived and was in a great mood. He remembered me and was really sweet. I started his massage with my special invention (started doing this method when I was 5 years old on my mom) the “Bite Method massage”. He was keeping one eye on the game most of the time and he loved the massage. I was paid in advance for 90 minutes but I massaged him for 2 and a half hours ( I was making it last as long as possible 🙂

We had some small talk, I usually don’t speak during a massage, but we had tiny breaks to have a sip of water etc, and I asked him why he has never done “Across the Universe” live. He didnt recall ever doing that song and I  said “I have it on video, you and Andy Fairweather Lowe on guitar”. “ah yes”, then he remembered. He said that he never thought about doing it live, but hey, if he ever does, feel free to thank me. He does an AMAZING version of that song.  I asked him about the gorgeous turquoise/silver ring on his right hand. He said he has had it on since 1969. He banged it once and it bent and he can’t get it off. I found that to be really cute. By the way, no need to ask me “Did you ask him if Pink Floyd will ever get back together” because I would NEVER fucking ask him that stupid question. Don’t ask Sting about the Police; Eric about Cream and don’t ask Roger about Pink Floyd, it’s insulting and fucking annoying.

I love his work with Pink Floyd but  I also love all of his solo albums, so we talked about those instead. I asked him why there is no dvd for the Pro’s and Con’s tour, He said they didn’t video tape that tour or Radio Kaos tour either. I find that VERY unfortunate. I own the “In the Flesh” dvd, it’s from Roger’s 2002 solor tour, it has Doyle Bramhall on guitar and it fucking ROCKS!!!! If you don’t have it yet, I highly recommend it. I have two copies, one for my NYC place and one for my Berlin place. Can’t be without that. Doyle isn’t on this tour, he is cheating on Roger with Eric Clapton (so all is forgiven). Clapton played the night before here in Berlin, so Roger and Doyle were up most of the night chatting and having a drink or two. Roger waited as long as he could for Eric to return from a recording studio, but he had to hit the hay eventually and they missed each other by minutes. Clapton played guitar on Rogers ‘Pro’s and Cons of Hitchhiking’ album, oh GOD, it’s AMAZING!!!

Note: I asked Roger (as I do every musician I massage) what he thought of Zappa. He said ” I used to hang around Frank a lot in the 60’s and even stay at his house for a long while, and ended up breaking Suzy Cream-cheese’s heart, unforunately.” He almost forgot about jamming with Frank until I reminded him. He said “are you sure?” Yes, I am very very sure:

Pink Floyd jamming with Frank Zappa  ^

      < THE ring

Rubbing Roger’s feet ( me= happy)

Roger said, even though there was no live footage for the Pros and Cons tour, he had JUST received a dvd the day before of never before seen videos he made back in the day for the Pros and Cons Album, Radio Kaos and even Amused to Death (“What God wants, God gets” with Jeff Beck on Guitar).

He said “after the massage you can see them if you like”. Uh, ya think? YAY! He set up the videos on his lap top for me to watch and HE put the head phones on me and headed for the shower. I sat there for almost 30 minutes with my jaw open, one constant “WOW”. The videos he made simply MUST be released. I told him all of his fans would buy them. He seemed open for comments/feedback. Looking into his eyes is so exciting, I am still smiling. Bad news is, he is engaged and very much in love. I told him I find that to be a pain in the ass and extremely unfair. He is ALWAYS taken. I told him him it’s not fair and he should give other girls, like me for example a chance. He just grinned, never said a word when I was talking that shit. I did tell him his ass was in GREAT shape and he is still HOT. Again, just a grin 🙂

Face the facts,  I have the balls to say what you want to say, it’s as simple as that. heh heh. Jasmine didn’t make it to school that day (day after the show), we both slept until 2pm (already has those rock star habits). I wrote her yet another rock and roll excuse note “sorry, Roger Waters was in town”. The last one was “Zappa plays Zappa was in town”. Her home room teacher smiled and said “Jasmine, you are lucky I am your homeroom teacher. Tell your Mom I am jealous”.

She made an incredible portrait of Roger and I brought it for him to sign. He was really flattered and signed it “To Jasmine, love Roger”. She is gloating. 

 ^ This is now one of my favorite photographs. He is smiling at me. Not the camera. I can die peacefully now. 

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Ask Dr. Dot

Q.

I am an eighteen-year-old college student get really horny. But when my bf and i
fuck each other he says the wrong name. Could this mean that he is putting his
cock in some other girls pussy? Is this normal?

A.

It could mean he is not over his ex or he is indeed fucking other girls. Sooner
or later, one should learn to just use the term "sweetie/babe/honey/cutie" so
that this problem never occurs in bed.
If you want to have some fun, next time you fuck him, yell out a woman’s name when you cum.
 When he asks "what the fuck?"it will be your cue to tell him "doesn’t feel good does it?".
Or you could just stick to the story that you also sleep with a woman from time to time to
keep him guessing, just like he keeps you guessing. Mystery keeps things hot.

Q.

I just came back from a business trip and my wife seems super loose in the
pussy.  After a couple days she felt normal again.  Then after another business
trip the same thing happened.  I am wondering why she could feel so loose, the
only time I have felt her that loose is after we use something like a cucumber
in her.  What do you think?

A.

Perhaps she is screwing the UPS man and his cock is ooooh so much wider than yours, OR she
has a monster dildo that you don’t know about.
I think her "feeling loose" could be that she is very wet and horney because she is excited
to see you/fuck you again. You say after a few days it returns to normal,
it could be because she got bored of your ass already. Absence does make the heart/genitals grow fonder.

ps. The ONLY way you can ensure she is saving her self just for you, is to get her one of these:

Q.

Dear doc, i’ve been hearing about a muscle called the "Vip Muscle", it is suppose
to give guys more orgasms and some penis growth by exercising it. but i have no
idea where the hell it is located.   could you help? thanx

A.

There is a book called ‘Scientifically Guaranteed Male Multiple Orgasms and Ultimate Sex’ by Alan Ritz.
My suspicion is that the author pulled this term out of his ass to get quick shooters/tiny men to run to the shop
to buy his book. However, there is a muscle called the vastus intermedius profundus (VIP) in rabbits.
And there is a vastus intermedius in humans, but it’s origin is Anterior and lateral shaft of femur
and it’s purpose is to extend the knee, which is ironic as when most men cum they
extend their knees, you know, flex their legs straight, point their toes. Anyways, the vastus intermedius
is muscle that has nothing to do with the penis.
You could buy the book and decide for your self. Silly me, I always thought the man’s VIP muscle was his cock.

 < The vastus intermedius muscle is sadly not a secret cock muscle, sorry.

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What’s new pussy cat (that wasn’t a question)

One of the funkiest keyboardist on earth died today. Billy played with the Beatles first and then the Stones noticed how amazing he was and then scooped him up for themselves. He toured not that long ago with Clapton as well. Basically everyone in the music biz knew who he was and respected him greatly. I have some old Stones video's (bootlegs) and Mick bascially dry humped Billy on stage rather frequently, he was just a people magnet oozing with talent. Sorry to see him go.

I landed in Berlin this morning at 7:30 am and now I've been awake almost 48 hours so excuse any mistakes please. Phil from Motor Head just called me from the club here in Berlin called WHITE TRASH (it's the best bar/club/venue in Berlin). It's totally rock and roll, I love it. That's where my band BITCHFEST will make our debut on June 22nd… Anyways, he wanted me to come out and raise hell with him and who ever else he is with from the band but I had to decline, I am fucking TOAST at this point (not literally screwing toast, you know what I mean).

Rather than coming home and just going to bed I went and practiced with my band, I have to say, we are GREAT! lol… really tight!  YES!

 My favorite Massage assistant Catherine just text me, she just massaged Debbie Harry (Blondie) in Vienna, Virginia, she is super excited. Blondie is a wonderful woman!! YAY! Our team is doing so well… Tomorrow I am on call to massage Mr. Clapton and band, but you just never know, not good to get one's hopes up. Then the next day is ROGER WATERS!!!! *sigh*. I actually BOUGHT tickets to his show for Jasmine and I, didn't want to take ANY chances at all. If I end up massaging him, I will give my tix away to my buddies as it is WAAAYYY sold out. He will play the whole Dark Side of the Moon album. It will be a giant orgasum for my ears. I have to get my jet lagged ass into bed greetings from Berlin, home of the World Cup 2006!! x Dot

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Ask Dr. Dot

Q.

 I started dating a younger guy, he is 26 and I am 30. We decided to see each other occasional for only sexual activities. I really like him because he is a very handsome man. The first time we made love, it took only 2 minutes for him to cum. The second time the same thing and his penis is only about 5 inches long. Why he does cum so quickly??? This doesn't give me a chance to cum too….please answer! but he becomes erect so quickly with me…no problem on that side. PS: It is because his penis is not bigger or he doesn't like me?

 

A.

Sounds like he cums so quickly because he doesn't care about you, just his little cock. The size of his penis has nothing to do with his stamina. Obviously he likes you a little bit otherwise he wouldn't be dogging you. He is young and selfish. Make him lick you until you cum, then let him fuck you, get your priorities straight.

Q.

 My wife and i have been together since 1989. we were having wild hot sex almost every night . She would always cum a couple of times before i'd fill her up.Then last year i found that i did not feel as horny around her (she looks great and has a firm body) . seems that i always have to be the one to make the first move and if i don't initiate sex then there probably wont be any. I am becoming flustered by always having to be the ONE start the ball rolling and sometimes when were having sex its like ho-hum didely dum .but whats worse is that now my cock hardly ever gets real hard and alot of the time it goes soft long before either of us are pleasured . and the more i thing about the fact that it may go soft … the faster it happens . this has become an obsession with me now . I ve got Viagra from my Doctor but with a small dose my cock still went soft … any ideas on how help me regain my stiffness would be greatly appreciated 

Big Softie

 A.

 Notice how the sperm race towards the egg? They fight to be the first one to the egg. In my opinion, sex is always best when the man initiates the sex. Sure it's hot once in a while when your lady shows you she is hot and ready, but if she was the one usually starting the romp, wouldn't you feel more feminine? How strange would it be for the egg to suddenly chase after the sperm? I doubt your problem has to do with the fact that she isn't asking for sex, I think it's more that you are getting bored and worrying that a mid-life crisis/dry spell is heading your way. I am against pill popping, even though I am aware millions make a living cramming pills down peoples throats. You have two separate problems, the first being your sex life has become tedious and boring. This happens to most couples, sadly. I feel that sleeping apart keeps passion alive. Sleeping next to your partner makes them so familiar it can be hard to lust after them. All the tossing and turning and smelling each others farts can turn any hot romance into a predictable hell. Try sleeping separately once in a while (I prefer ALWAYS sleeping apart, but that's just my twisted mind). Make sure you are having alone time with you and your best friend: your cock. Make sure you two have naughty sessions to remind you who's really in charge. As far as getting soft, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it does come with age. You can try to prevent it by avoiding fluoride ( tap water/tooth paste) because I think it's a hard-on killer (it can't just be a coincidence that men born and raised in places that have fluoride in their drinking water have trouble with erections but have nice teeth, where as in Europe, etc, they have crappy teeth because there is no fluoride in their water, but have NO problem getting and staying hard). You two could also try a change of scenery, fucking in the same old bed time after time will make fantasy and passion difficult.

Q.

 Even though it's over between me and my long term boyfriend (7 years) I am still obsessing about him. I always imagine how it looks when he fucks another girl. I put them into every position and worry if she is better in bed than I was for him. I always worry if he still loves me or if we will ever get back together. I wonder about him so much that I can't even sleep anymore. My girlfriends are tired of hearing it, so I am all alone with this problem. If you could just tell me how to get over someone, how to stop thinking about someone, maybe that would help.

Not over him Nat

A.

Sounds like someone has too much free time on their hands. Get busy, get your life back, in other words, get a life.What will be, will be. You can't make someone love you or come back to you. If it's meant to be that you two reconcile, it will happen, but sitting around sweating him will not change anything, it will simply waste time. Before my Grandmother, DOT senior died, she told me "if you have one foot in the past and one in the future, your legs will be wide apart shitting all over today." Stressing over what was or what will be is actually ruining your present life and that's all we really have so cheer up, this isn't a rehearsal, it's the real deal, we only live once.

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Zappa Plays Zappa (and how!)

 

Pic I took of Frank and his son Ahmet during sound check in Long Island 1988 ^

(note: Ahmet is sadly not on the tour)

Monday  ( May 22nd) was one of the best days I have had in years. I saw the ZAPPA PLAYS ZAPPA  show . You must know by now that I am pretty much obsessed with Frank Zappa’s music, so seeing Frank’s son, Dweezil, play his fathers music with perfection was pretty much heaven on earth. My obsession started LONG ago when I was a child. My Father (well, he adopted me when I was 1 year old, so he is my Father) is to this day a huge Zappa fan. Chet raised me on Zappa music,  and my Mom constantly played the Beatles when he was out. My hippie aunts (both really young, in fact, my Mom was 16 when she was preggy with me and my Dad was 17 when he adopted me) always played Janis Joplin and Zeppelin when I was around. The house was pretty much a hippie flop house ( “every town must have a place where phony hippies meet, psychedelic dungeons popping up on every street” Frank Zappa). So, out of all that music, I really hung onto the Zappa and Beatles the most, as you can see.

Zappa was not only the best musician I know of, but his lyrics are so funny, they make me literally roll on the floor with laughter when I hear them. What a great combo, what a RARE combo. My Dad brought me to several Zappa concerts when I was a young whipper snapper, and I am grateful for this, thank you Dad! At one of the shows he got me a Zappa t-shirt that said ” Tittie’s and Beer”, which is the name of one of his songs. I wore it to school the next day (I was in the 7th grade) and the teachers were “not amused” and I was sent home. Frank has never been mainstream. I mean, how many times have YOU heard Frank on the radio? Seen him on TV? Not often. People who are into Frank were usually turned onto him by someone who cares. It’s mostly through word of mouth that you hear of Frank, that’s why I spend so much time preaching him, I want to turn as many folks onto Zappa’s music as possible, it’s that amazing.

In 1988, I went on Zappa’s “Broadway the Hardway” tour and never asked for a penny for massaging Frank and the rest of his giant band. I made it clear, I wasn’t “only in it for the money”. I told Frank and co. that I would massage them for free and my payment would be the honor to see every sound check and show for free. Sooo , I got to see their sometimes 3 hour long sound checks and shows every night, it was PARADISE. Yes, I was missing classes and pissing off parental units but I didn’t give a fuck. This was much more important. Hey, I even got to eat their catering, so it was all good. Frank was very fun to be around, I was in awe the whole time, but tried my best to hide it. Me and about 4 other Zappa freaks got to sit in the empty hall during sound check and during their Portland Maine sound check, I accidentally let out one of my MONSTER BURPS. When I drink Diet Coke, all hell breaks loose. AnyWHO, I let one rip and Frank (who had his back to the empty venue while he was conducting his band)  turned around, leered at us, and said “which one of you did that?”. Naturally the other Zappa fans who were somehow connected and lucky enough to be watching the masters sound check turned on me and all pointed at me. I turned NEON RED and raised my hand sheepishly and said with a , squeaky, cracking voice “it was me”.

Frank motioned to me and said “come here, come up here” and pointed to the stairs on the side of the stage. I reluctantly went to him, like I was going to lay my neck down on a wooden block, waiting for the blade. The whole band was watching impatiently and Frank had me come right up to him and said “could you do that again into the sampler?”. I exhaled so strongly I almost fainted. I thought for sure I was about to get my face ripped off and expelled from the Zappa sphere. But no, it was time to perform. I said “I need another Diet Coke though”. Frank said to a stage hand “get her a Coke!”. I said, “um, it has to be Diet Coke, more bubbles”. “Ok, he said, get her a DIET Coke, and make it snappy”. So  finally my burps were recorded into a sampler and they used it for the rest of the tour to make fun of the TV Evangelists at the time, and now you can hear it on the Zappa live Album called “the Best band you’ve NEVER heard in your life”.. or simply click on the banner below..

The tour was amazing and I got to meet Dweezil and Ahmet, Frank’s sons and Frank affectionately crowned me “Dr. Dot”. I was just DOT before, as Dot is short for Dorothy. My Granny was named Dorothy and most called her Dot. I was named after her and so most called me Dot. Frank would say “go get the Doctor” or “hi Doctor Dot” and so it stuck. I am honored. When Frank died of prostrate cancer in 1993, I was in tears for days. I have never gotten over it and preaching his music is my way of thanking him for his music and allowing me to see his sound checks and shows. I was estatic to hear that Dweezil is touring with an amazing band, playing his Father’s music. Even though I knew I would probably get in for free and end up massaging them all, I still bought a ticket, just in case.

 Napoleon Murphy Brock  (< click on link to read about him) and I have been buddies for years. < Napi and I

He has been touring with a Frank Zappa tribute band called Project Object, keeping the faith. Now he is on tour with Zappa plays Zappa. He does most of the vocals in the show. He usually steals the show, he is so talented; sings and dances like no other. He knows Frank’s music inside and out as he played with Frank for YEARS. Anyways, Napoleon and I have kept in touch and he called me from the Zappa plays Zappa Norwegian show, telling me the whole band is excited about getting the Dr. Dot rub down on Monday in Berlin. I was so excited, I think I didn’t sleep for a few days after that. Monday finally came and I arrived with my guitar player (for my band Bitchfest) Eno, who is one of the biggest Zappa fans I know. Napoleon, or Napi as everyone calls him, was outside to greet me personally. He gave me a giant bear hug and then shook Eno’s hand. Eno handed him 10 Finish marks (on one live Zappa recording, it was said, if one handed Frank 10 Finish marks, they would play whatever they were asked to play). Sadly, it didn’t work heh heh.

Napi proudly introduced me to the band. I already knew Steve Vai, but never met Terri Bozzio before, so I was star struck, yes, even I get star struck! I got to watch the sound check *sigh*

  <Dweezil at sound check

 

Sheila,Terri, Jamie, Joe , Aaron  (part of the Zappa plays Zappa band) ^

Terri Bozzio warming up before his AMAZING performance ^

(how my camera SUCKS!! Note to self, get a fucking new camera!!!)

 

 

 I chatted with Dweezil (haven’t seen him for years). He was more gorgeous then I remembered. I tell you, all he would have had to do is say “I want you” and it would have been done. BUT, contrary to the rumors I heard (I heard he was single), I was let down to hear he was married and is expecting his first child next month. BOOOOO! Well, I am happy he is spreading those genes, but gutted that it’s not with me. heh heh.

 I first massaged Sheila Gonzalez (sax, keyboards, vocals). She loved it and did good PR for me which made everyone else in the band fight over who was next. YAY! Next on the slab was Steve Vai (one of the best guitarist in the world)

Sorry Ladies, Steve has been happily married for 28 years to his college sweet heart.

 

Steve is so polite and friendly, I have been massaging him over the years and have yet to see him in a bad mood. He said this tour was like a tiny vacation for him as he didn’t have to play during the whole show. He just showed up for the last 30 minutes or so and kicked ASS! He was busy in his dressing room writing/composing the whole time.  The papers he was writing on were so big, they covered all the tables, like plans for a house, but covered in musical notes that would confuse Beethoven . I introduced him to my daughter, Jasmine (who also plays guitar) and he was super nice, Jasmine kept saying to me”as a guitar player, I have to say, I’m not worthy”.

One of the funniest parts of the night for me was when Steve Vai picked up one of my BITCHFEST flyers, which were laying around all over the backstage area and he read the GROUPIE APPLICATION out loud to everyone, he LOVED our Bitchfest flyer. He then asked me to explain the whole thing to him and was laughing his ass off.

Jasmine and Steve Vai (my little cutie turned Red upon first meeting the guitar hero) ^

The show was amazing, but the venue had shitty acoustics. I stood next to the sound man most of the show. I asked him about the sound and he was furious. He was cursing the venue the whole show. He couldn’t turn it up louder as the shape of the Tempodrom was so strange, the sound merely got fuzzy when he turned it up. They played wonderfully, words escape me, but I like it loud and this joint couldn’t accommodate. Keep that in mind if you are ever touring you are about to play the Tempodrom in Berlin. Tell the booking agent/promoters, NO THANKS!

During the encore , some Frank Zappa fans held up a BIG yellow banner that read “You may have the genes, but we keep the spirit alive: ZAPPANALE 2006!”. This was like a big FUCK YOU to Dweezil. He told me how much it pissed him off and why during his 90 minute massage. Zappanale  (please click the link to read all about it). It’s an unofficial, annual festival that celebrates Frank Zappa. There are two sides to the Zappa story. Well, you see, there are millions of Zappa fans that are starving to hear someone play live Zappa music and to hear unreleased Zappa tunes, and they satisfy their desire by seeing Zappa tribute bands and going to the Zappanale etc. But the Zappa family frowns upon such things because they want his music done EXACTLY how Frank made it, and preferably by his sons, Dweezil and Ahmet. So some Zappa fans resent the Zappa family because they know the Zappa family doesn’t support these festivals etc. Frank’s sister, Candy Zappa makes special appearances at the Zappanale and Frank wasn’t even close to her at all. Kind of like what Pete Best does at Beatles conventions. This pisses off the Zappa family, so it’s complicated. I think it was fucking RUDE of those idiots to hold up that bitter banner right in front of Dweezil, he is trying his best to play his father’s music exactly how it is meant to be played and has hired incredible musicians to help spread the music around the world. Dweezil says he really hopes more young people get into Zappa music and was happy to see my daughter wearing an official Zappa t-shirt at the gig. Dweezil said so far the best audience was in Sweden. He was amazed to see what appeared to be three 15 year old GIRLS in the front row singing to every song, he said they knew every single word to every song and was very impressed.

I told him that people write to me every day and ask me what is a good starter kit to get into Zappa, as in, what albums should one buy to get into Frank. I usually tell them Joe’s Garage; We’re only in it for the Money and Tinseltown Rebellion. Dweezil said “really? I always suggest Apostrophe and Overnite sensation as a starter kit”. I usually don’t speak during a massage, but Dweezil was very chatty and hello, I wanted him to be chatty, I couldn’t get enough of his insight and comments about his father and the music. Dweezil is so relaxed and cool, so down to earth and friendly. I mentioned is amazing blue eyes and he said he is the only one in the whole family with blues eyes. I also asked him why doesn’t he sport his dad’s signature stash and tiny beard. He said he grew it once but it looked ridiculous on him and shaved it off.

This man is extremely talented, his guitar playing rivals his Dad’s, but yet it’s different. If you are on your way to see a Zappa plays Zappa show, please, show the band how much you LOVE the music, give big time applause, show the love, make Dweezil understand how grateful we are that he is taking this show on the road and let him know we support him 100%.

–
 Dweezil and I *SIGH*   ^
 Dweezil and Jasmine  ^ (she was in heaven ok?)
Jasmine and Terri  Bozzio ^
 
 Jasmine, Terri and Me ^  (no, im not a midget, they are sitting on a table)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on

Ask Dr. Dot ( polygamy/ Blaming Bitch/ Faking it)

Q.

My girlfriend keeps accusing me of cheating, even though I'm not. I want to know how I can stop her from this insulting behavior. Sometimes I work late or go for a few brews with my friends, and this prompts a huge amount of questioning and blaming. I love her madly but this has got to stop or I'm history.

A.

Perhaps you should open your eyes a bit more as to what she's up to, why she's so quick to blame. The next time she throws accusations your way, say "Just like a thief lives in fear of someone stealing from them, a cheater is always afraid their partner is cheating on them, is that why you keep accusing me?". This should shut her up. If you really are being faithful and she won't let up, warn her once, then walk.

Q.

I have a confession to make, I have been faking orgasms with my boyfriend and I want to come clean. I am 34 and he is 27, we have been together for 2 years and he has never made me cum but I fake it so well, he thinks I cum every time. It started out harmlessly, I just faked the orgasm because he was working so hard at it and I was getting tired. Now it's a game I have to keep up and I am getting sick of it. I can make myself cum, but he can't. Please throw me a bone.

Faking Fran

A.

Faking an orgasm is like bombing for peace, or fucking for virginity. It's the most ignorant thing one can do. Just be yourself and you can never go wrong. Telling him you have been faking it will surely end the relationship so if you want to save it, just stop faking it immediately and when he asks what's wrong, just tell him you are stressed/tired or you feel it's time to try new things in bed, then SHOW him how to make you really cum. Show him how YOU make yourself cum. If you really don't give a rat's ass about the relationship, tell him you have been faking, it will make you feel great to come clean but surely it will crush him and make you look like a lying cunt. Being brutally honest is empowering and can hurt others, but being too diplomatic and acting is far worse.

                           

Q.

I have been "dating"(no sex yet , well maybe a little) a man whom I have had an incredible connection with . I hadn't been physically attracted at first but he made it clear he was and if we spent time together I would be too. He is an amazing man, kind, romantic, well respected ,very creative in many ,many ways (musician), treats me with great respect and appreciates the woman I am, we work well together, my affection did grow over time(about 9 months ) and now we are madly in love. The problem is he is a polygamist  ( different than a swinger ) and of course a GEMINI . He is also Muslim ,very committed to his faith . Now when he first told me I thought no problem I was not attracted and we will have a great friendship, now that we are in love I have to decide to end it or continue, the thought of ending it breaks my heart . We have spent hours talking about his lifestyle and mine and I have come to understand the place his has and have come to accept it. I am very contemplative, intellectual person and have done a lot of reading on Islam and polygamy. He is very clear about his intentions to make me his 2nd wife (spiritual union before god , not a legal marriage) and despite my upbringing I am considering it on so many levels it feels right. He is not the player type , if I want to be with him I have to make a real commitment. He is planning a night out with his wife and I so we can meet each other. This will either snap me back into reality or be a pleasant surprise.

My question to you is :"Is it possible for a good descent man to want two wives? Is it also possible for a strong independent woman to truly accept this? Or am I compromising because I am so madly in love , have I been brainwashed?
Willing Wanda

A.

Most men find it hard to be physically true anyways, so what's the difference? (spare me the bitchy emails, I said "MOST") At least he's being honest about it. As in, "I am strong enough to care for more than one woman, and I want you to be one of them". Marrying him means you are cool with his ways and don't feel threatened. Nothing last forever anyways and we only live once. If you "marry" him and find out later it's not for you, just leave, as you said, it's not a legal marriage, just a spiritual one. No big deal.
Take a chance, love is worth it. Live, Love, laugh and do like Janis Joplin says "get it while you can!"