Dearest Goddess Dot,
If you are ever in vancouver and require a footslave
to perform oral foot massage on your gorgeous feet,
pick me, as your slave for the day.
sincerely,
patrick 
CT Girls on the loose in NYC
I am in CT now, at my Uncle Jack and Tom’s house. My pit bull Frankie is so excited to see me, he won’t let me out of his sight now
Dr. Dot’s favorite places to eat in NYC (part 2)/Chris Botti is a Hottie
While trying to stop the war, one can work up one hell of an appetite, so I have been going out to eat a lot lately and decided to take notes and pass them onto you, check it out:
1) Gabriel’s Bar and Restaurant
11 West 60th street</street />( between Broadway and Columbus) tel: 212 956-4600
I went to Gabriel’s for the second time last week and was impressed for the second time. Gabriel’s is upper class, even though I got away with wearing sneakers. They boast they are the “winner of the wine spectator award of excellence” from 1997 to the present.
It is an Italian restaurant with gorgeous decor and atmosphere. I love the roasted head of garlic they serve and the salads, bread and chicken are delicious. Check it out:
http://www.gabrielsbarandrest.com/ 
The web site is so cool, you can take a virtual tour of the place, sniff it out you know, to see if it is up to bar for you and your date. Count on at least $100 for two, and dress nice.
2)Aureole 34 East 61st Street tel. 212 319 1660
One of the best meals, well, no, actually THE best meal I have ever had was last Saturday night. It was kind of a business meeting that turned out to be kick ass. A client and new found friend of mine, Amir 
invited me to what has got to be NYC’s most expensive restaurant. We had to wait at the bar for our table, so champagne was ordered. I am not much of a drinker, but could you say no to a $285 bottle of 1995 
Dom Perignon ? Didn’t think so. Even the bread sticks were gourmet! (note:above photo of Amir and I was taken later at a karaoke joint, you have to wear a tie at the restaurant).
Click HERE to see the web site.
I had the vegetarian menu, which was about $150. It came with 7 courses. They were all small but packed with so much flavor and so rich, they fill you up. The service was the best I have ever had and they give you a dessert tray of pralines and other fattening but mouth watering exotic chocolate crimes to keep you busy while the real dessert is being prepared.
If I would have known 7 meals were heading my way, I would have fasted for the whole week before. For the most expensive and gorgeous eating experience of your life, I HIGHLY recommend Aureole.
3) Mexican Radio – 19 Cleaveland place tel:212-343-0140
By FAR the best Mexican Restaurant I have been to. Their Guacamole rivals mine and that means it is DAM good. 
The service is a tad too friendly, the waitress starting going ON and ON about her life to the point where I was falling asleep into my black beans, BUT better too friendly then bitchy like Berliner waitresses I suppose. The food is so amazing; you will forget the clingy, over- friendly -for -the- tip waitress in no time.
Anyone will look gorgeous in the lighting, it is warm and flattering and the walls are colorful eye candy. They have a web site with full menus, click HERE to see it.
It is fairly priced and the margaritas are by far the best I have ever had. I don’t drink often, or much, but if I do, it will be for 1)great wine 2) $300 a bottle champagne 3) Mexican Radio’s margaritas! Yeah baby! If you tell the staff you are psychotic, hence, “handicapped” you can use the bathroom upstairs, other wise it is a hike down stairs to the can.
On my site www.drdot.com in the VIDEOS section, there is now a 4th video to view; it is the UK show I did back in October, demonstrating the bite method and all. By the way, if you come to me for massage and want the Bite Method, tell me BEFORE I cover you will oil, otherwise it won’t happen. I won’t bite an oily back, it would make me feel like I am nibbling on sardines and you KNOW I hate FISH!
Have you seen the latest issue of PEOPLE magazine? Well, I will massage Chris Botti; he is in the new issue of People, voted as one of the “50 Most Beautiful People”. You may recall me writing about him back in my blog in March. Click on his photo to get to his fabulous web site 
Anyways, I will massage him today (Friday) in front of TV cameras for the show NBC “Access Hollywood” . They are interviewing me about how important massage is for artists and will ask Chris how it feels and hopefully he will moan “awesome, she rocks!” or something similar. I promised Chris a few free massages for his kindness; not easy to get a star to let someone film their massage session! Yes, massaging such a babe is hard work, but someone has to do it.
Great thing about Chris is his sense of humor and taste in music. Yes, he is eye candy, but he is wicked fun to hang out with AND generous! I forgot to tell you, that time I massaged Sting in Atlantic City, Chris was back stage giving out chocolate covered fruit. Apparently a certain fan of his gives him this HUGE platter of top notch chocolate covered berries, pineapple, bananas etc, and it is too much for him bring on the plane, so he is so sweet, he was even going up to the security and roadies and offering them some of his delicious gift. I wolfed down most of it ( hee hee, just joking- I had a few strawberries).
My assistant Felicia (see my site to see her) and long time partner in crime Lisa ( remember her, I wrote about her last august when she ripped open her freakin THUMB- go to blog entries August 27 and 28th to see Lisa and perhaps there is a few photos of Felicia singing “I’ve got friends in low places” standing on a table at a CT karaoke club 
Where was I? Oh yes, Felicia and Lisa will pick me up in a quasi “limo” around 3pm and we will all shoot over to Chris’s flat to film. If the NBC director wants to film Chris getting the 4 handed massage, Felicia will be on hand, if not, the girls will shop till they drop until I finish filming. Then we will all go to a few of the Tri Beca Film Festival parties I was invited to. The girls have never heard of the film fest, and if you haven’t and are curious, click HERE to check it out. Robert Deniro is the host of the festival this year, would love to run into him, he is one of my favorite actors.
I will let you know when the NBC /Access Hollywood thing will be aired and post cool photos of the shoot.
Before I go, I want to dedicate a song by my hero, Frank Zappa, called “When the lie’s so big” enjoy:
They got lies so big 
They don’t make a noise
They tell ’em so well
Like a secret disease
That makes you go numb
With a big ol’ lie
And a flag and a pie
And a mom and a bible
Most folks are just liable
To buy any line
Any place, any time
When the lie’s so big
And the fog gets so thick
And the facts disappear
The Republican Trick
Can be played out again
People, please tell me when
We’ll be rid of these men!
Just who do they really
Suppose that they are?
And how did they manage to travel as far
As they seem to have come?
Were we really that dumb?
People, wake up
Figure it out
Religious fanatics
Around and about
The Court House, The State House,
The Congress, The White House
Criminal saints
With a “Heavenly Mission” —
A nation enraptured
By pure superstition
When the lie’s so big
And the fog gets so thick
And the facts disappear
The Republican Trick
Can be played out again
People, please tell me when
We’ll be rid of these men! –
Frank Zappa
Dr. Dot
Throwing gasoline onto the fire
I read the German and British papers online everyday, just to see what their version of the news is, usually they have a more realistic version of what is going on.
In the US, no matter what TV channel you watch or what paper you read, you will NOT get the gory details of the War in Iraq, because if the media did that, no one would want to volunteer to go fight for their country.
If we are only shows tiny pieces of the truth, perhaps Bush will get re-elected (that is what the government hopes). I am totally against this war, HATE it that Bush is in the White House and think that if Americans see more of what is going on, they might get so sick to their stomachs, that they just might get off their asses and vote that war happy fucker out of the White House.
Above, see the British Soldier pissing on the Iraqi prisoner. Next, see Iraqi prisoners made to lie naked on top of each other while the American soldiers have a laugh. (*note: I am not feeling pity for Iraqi soldiers, I feel pity for anyone involved in a war)
Normally I wanted to write about the incredible restaurant I was invited to the other night and fill you in on what I have been up to, but seeing the news the last few days and reading the news online has made me almost cripple with grief. Yes, I am a hippie at heart, peace and love baby, and usually I don’t like to cram my political views down anyone’s throat, but something has got to change or this will be the next
If you have not registered yet to vote, please do so by clicking HERE
Peace
Dr. Dot
Puppy Love
Hey Dot,
Anyway, I have been trying to get the puppy, Leo, into a training program for the handicapped but no luck so far. This dog is way too special to go to the pound or just anyone. I love him like a baby. If youcould work it out so you some one you know could take him that’d be great.
We will be needing to go to Fla in mid June to close on the house so my fiancee sez he has to go by then. ; (
Hugs,
Shira
Hey people, Dot here, can you believe how fucking CUTE that puppy is ? It should be illegal to be that cute.
I already have 3 turtles and 2 dogs, all of which can not live in the flat I am right now, so I have to “stash” them at friends and relatives houses until I plant roots and get a big fat house.
I would take that puppy in a heart beat if my landlord wasn’t such a wimp ( can’t stand up to his mommy).
So if you adore the dog as much as I do and find space and time for him, let me know ASAP and I will arrange a doggie delivery!
“Pigs On The Wing (Part Two)”
You know that I care what happens to you
And I know that you care for me
So I don’t feel alone
Of the weight of the stone
Now that I’ve found somewhere safe
To bury my bone
And any fool knows a dog needs a home
Pink Floyd
“You gotta read this”
a magazine called “You gotta read this” did an interview with me, felt liberating:
DON LEMMON ASKS: First of all, what is a day in your life like? What do you do from waking to hitting the hay each day?
YOUR REPLY: I am a night owl ( not a party girl, just a night person) and I am usually on the computer until around 4 or 5 (AM!) each night. Then I sleep until around 1pm, get up , answer about 300 emails, I have to answer about 30 phone calls a day from all over the world ( which I hate!) I have a protein shake, jog and work out at home, eat something healthy and get ready to either go massage someone, get a massage ( my audition for new assistants) or run errands. On a night where I find time, I try to sneak in some karaoke in the city ( NYC).
DON LEMMON ASKS: What would you say is the highlight of your career so far and how does it compare to your overall career goal?
YOUR REPLY:Meeting Paul McCartney and touring with Frank Zappa was for me the highlights, as they are my heroes. Moderating the Berlin Film Festival in Germany was also a highlight, my overall career goals are so huge, I am aiming to take fitness, massage and humor and make a TV show that rivals Ophras, I have more ambition than you can imagine, I have only just begun kicking butt here in the states!
DON LEMMON ASKS: Who was the first person to tell you getting into this profession was a crazy idea? At what point did you agree (even if it was momentarily)?
YOUR REPLY: The manager of the Stones told me when I was 18 that no one would want to read such a book ( The diary of a rock and roll masseuse) and tried to make me ” focus” on other goals, but it only made me more determined. I once stopped massaging Rock stars for a few months in 1987 to study photography at UNH, but after a few months the Grateful Dead toured again and I couldn’t resist reviving my career all over again, I just can’t stop!
DON LEMMON ASKS: Have you made some contacts using the internet that you know you wouldn’t have made if it weren’t for the web?
YOUR REPLY: Of course! The Associate Press article was made possible by the internet, every one finds me, including you Don, via internet, I could NOT live with out it. My web site gets over 1 million visitors per month, so I rely on the net!
DON LEMMON ASKS: Funny how it usually works. We grow up wanting to be firefighters or nurses, then due to the glory of media, rock stars, actors, or millionaires and then reality sits in. What’s your story? How did you get into what you do?
YOUR REPLY: I was raised by very young hippie parents. They only listened to Rock, smoked grass, and all that hippie crap. The had me walking on their backs at age 4 and 5 already, and then I would massage my parents, especially my mom. So massage and music is what I was raised on. My parents constantly brought me to rock concerts and by the time I was 14, I was going on my own with friends. I wanted to meet my “heroes” and tried. It was not easy to do that after the shows. I then came up with the idea to go to the concert halls in the day time, before security was tight and offer massage to get in for free. I was 15 years old and massaged Def Leppard in Hampton VA, that is when it clicked that my massage talent could bring me closer to the stars and get me in to see music for free. It is, needless to say, snowballed into an amazing career for me, but it wasn’t an easy task!
DON LEMMON ASKS: What would your dream project be?
YOUR REPLY:I have many! I want to do a movie, I have written a screen play, it super funny, but I can not give details. I want to have my own weekly show ( daily is to much) I want to have a chain of massage/spas all over the world, bring out my own line of Massage oils, tables, and “how to massage” DVDs, plus publish all 4 of my books,so you see, I haven’t just “one” dream project.
DON LEMMON ASKS: Tell me one of the negatives aspects of your field. Do not say there are none!
YOUR REPLY: People give me shit all the time, assuming I shag the stars because I look sexy in some of my photos; other massage therapist who are madly jealous over my success write me hate mail, sometimes the stars don’t want to pay, they try to put that part off, everyone wants something for free. Most ALL articles written about me have at least 3 wrong quotes and facts in them! But the press won’t let you proof read their story before it goes to print, that’s why folks, don’t ever believe everything you read!
DON LEMMON ASKS: What are your 5 favorite websites?
YOUR REPLY: Discovery Channel ( Animal Planet), David Letterman, www.drdot.com, Frank Zappa.com, Beatles.com, www.catch.com, I am not much into surfing, I am always writing my blog everyday and have no time to surf! I use www.ask.com constantly!
DON LEMMON ASKS: Tell me something people do not realize about you, maybe it’s not a secret, maybe it’s not anything special, but it could be something no one else has ever asked you about until now.
YOUR REPLY:I am an extreme animal activist, I donate to so many funds and watch Animal Precinct every night. I HATE cigarettes beyond belief and I don’t drink, I am a health not, everyone thinks that because I hang out with rock stars, I must party, but I don’t!
DON LEMMON ASKS: What’s the craziest thing you have experienced in the industry? Maybe it’s something you witnessed and didn’t participate in that would shock us, make us laugh or show us another side to things besides the obvious.
YOUR REPLY: Charlie Watts of the Stones actually sketches his unmade bed in every single hotel he has slept in since the last 30 years, I get to see such things, which makes my job special. I got to see KISS do their own face make up before a few shows, I got to BURP into Frank Zappa’s sampler on the 1988 tour and he used my burp throughout the tour to make fun of the TV evangelists, so now you can hear my burp on his CD called ” the best band you’ve never heard in your life”. I have seen over 20 years of strange shit going on back stage, it would never fit in this interview, that is why I wrote the book ” Butt Naked and Backstage” which isn’t out yet here.
DON LEMMON ASKS: Anything embarrassing happen when YOU were trying to look cool? What?
YOUR REPLY: I fell down while massaging Bruce Willis for the first time. He had the room so freakin dark, I forgot I put a stool near the head area of the massage table. I did one arm and while moving quickly around to do the other arm, I flipped over that stool, almost like a cartwheel! I landed on my butt and Bruce was like ” Dot, where are you? ” After that night, he always called me Ms. Bean ( as in Mr. Bean is clumsy too).
DON LEMMON ASKS: The biggest lie about your industry ever is:
YOUR REPLY: That I fuck stars!
DON LEMMON ASKS: The biggest PLUS FACTOR about your industry is:
YOUR REPLY: I am my own boss, I constantly get free advertising thanks to the press interest in me, so my biz keeps growing like crazy. I have seen over 3,000 concerts for free ( that was my original plan!) and I get to see every star I massage naked, the full monty! AND, I get the best stories out of them, because, when they are naked, they never shut up!
DON LEMMON ASKS: Have the people around you changed since you’ve gotten recognition for your work? Sometimes those who weren’t so supportive in the beginning, suddenly became supportive or possibly vice versa; they became less supportive. Do fans freak you out?
YOUR REPLY: oh, you mean, to people kiss my ass now? Yes, in Germany I am a star and I noticed this brown nosing effect already long ago. I get on the VIP guest list to every party, get into every club for free, get free food etc, I don’t take it seriously at all, I still have my old friends and do not let any of that shit go to my head, I have been around it since I am 15, I have seen every angle of it, even how people kiss the stars butts all the time, in fact, that is why the stars love me so much, i DO NOT brown nose! Fans don’t freak me out, I am polite and cool to them and they relax around me, fans only freak out if you treat them like a fan!
DON LEMMON ASKS: What is your most frequently asked question and/or what question makes you crazy whenever asked but you somehow remain composed enough to answer?
YOUR REPLY: “Who is your favorite star?” or ” Can you get Mick or Sting to let us video tape you massaging him?” ( TV stations ask that every time, as if Mick would just allow cameras to tape me massaging him! For FREE no less!
DON LEMMON ASKS: Who do you see in the media, on TV or hear on the radio that just makes you wonder how in the hell they got there or who in the hell does this person know?
YOUR REPLY: Lil’ Kim is so nasty to look at, she has had more plastic surgery and has fake hair, eye color, boobs, teeth, lipo and her clothes simply scream “CRACK WHORE”. I can not even look at her without feeling ill. I also find Ben Affleck totally BORING, what was J.Lo even thinking?
DON LEMMON ASKS: Tell me a joke!
YOUR REPLY: THIS IS EVE’S VERSION
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.
So, how is everything going?” inquired God.
“It is all so beautiful, God” she replied. “The sunrises and
sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful.
But I have just this one problem. It’s these three breasts that you have
given me. The middle one pushes the other two out, and I am constantly
knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on
bushes. They’re a real pain,” reported Eve. Eve went on to tell God that
many other parts of her body such as her limbs, eyes, and ears ! came in
pairs, and she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more
symmetrically
balanced, as she put it.
“That is a fair point,” replied God. “This is my first shot at
this, you know.I gave the animals six breast, so I figured that you needed
only half of those,but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right
away.”
God reached down, removed the middle breast, and tossed it into the bushes.
Three weeks passed, and God once again visited Eve in the Garden.
” Well, Eve, how is my ! favorite creation now?”
“Just fantastic,” she replied, “but for one oversight on your
part.
You see, all the animals are paired off. The Ewe has a Ram and the Cow has
her Bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.”
God thought for a moment and said, “You know, Eve you are right.
How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will
immediately create a man from a part of you……now let me see….
” WHERE DID I PUT THAT USELESS BOOB?”
NOW, DOESN’T THAT MAKE MORE SENSE THAN THAT BUSINESS ABOUT THE RIB?
(well, you asked for a joke!)
DON LEMMON ASKS: What is your favorite music album and what music group do you listen to most often?
YOUR REPLY: Joe’s Garage and anything by Frank Zappa, then ” Abbey Road” and ANYTHING by the Beatles. I also like Led Zepp,old Pink Floyd, and Janis Joplin, Hendrix, Moody Blues, and sometimes I like funk, I love Prince and Outkast.
DON LEMMON ASKS: Who should hang up their hat in this business? Why?
YOUR REPLY: Michael Douglas, because I find him dull and annoying AND I hate the fact that no matter how friggin old he gets, he always plays the boyfriend or husband of some pretty young thing, even in real life- EW!
DON LEMMON ASKS: Tell me your favorite movie genre, name a few titles, and the video or dvd you have watched the most:
YOUR REPLY: I like romantic comedies and just plain comedy in general. Guy Ritchie films:Snatch, Lock Stock and even Swept Away!I love Ben Still and Adam Sandler. Forrest Gump is amazing, I have watched it at least 20 times. I also love Austin Powers, and LOVE Sex and the City ( I know it is not a movie, but I LOVE every episode).
DON LEMMON ASKS: What is the TV show do you miss from childhood… I used to love Land of the Giants and Dance Fever (kidding)….
YOUR REPLY:Happy Days, Sesame Street, Fat Albert!
DON LEMMON ASKS: Ever had someone from school or an odd job back in the day try and track you down after realizing what you do for a living now?
YOUR REPLY: Oh, every day. Everyone I have ever met seems to find me now online. I have gone to 15 different schools in 12 years of school, from TN, to GA, to ME, to NH, RI, CT, VA etc etc, and they ALL find me now and want to chat. Almost every boy I have ever kissed too!
DON LEMMON ASKS: If you were anyone else besides yourself, who would you be (even for just a day, on a good day) and did you emulate them growing up?
YOUR REPLY:Paul McCartney or Ellen Degeneres, I didn’t know of Ellen when I was growing up, but I like her style and humor. Paul has moved the whole word with his lyrics and he is a true man, an animal activist, I love him.
DON LEMMON ASKS: Who is the most intriguing person in your business today besides yourself? Why?
YOUR REPLY: I think Drew Barrymore and Angelina Jole, both are gorgeous, rich, famous, but caring and fun, not slutty or dumb, like most females in the biz. I adore their strength and inner beauty.
DON LEMMON ASKS: What did we forget?
YOUR REPLY: My web sites www.drdot.com and www.puredrdot.com 
Don Lemmon
www.donlemmon.com
The Fifth Wheel ( Man Magnet)
This time the big boss of Universal, who produces the 5th Wheel, wrote me and assured me this time it will REALLY be on!
If you stay up LATE next Friday night, which is April 30th, stay up until 1am(which is technically May 1st), and you are just channel surfing, why not have a look at that show, the 5th wheel. I put a lot of time and effort into filming the episode I was on, and it is worth watching. Now, I must say, I know they can use those cartoon like pop up windows and antics to take the piss out of someone on the show if they (producers/editors) didn’t like one of the people on the show, but as far as I know, it went WELL and it was a very sarcastic atmosphere, everyone at eachother’s throats and groins.
If you want to see what I wrote about the show, click HERE and to see WHO is on the show click HERE .
I put some really funny photos in that last “HERE” and made fun of the other contestants, it is all part of the vibe there, it is very competitive! By the time they threw me into the 5th Wheel van, the other contestants had already been together the whole day, the females had already showed their tits to the guys and they had already made out with eachother etc.
So it was up to me to convince one of those guys to leave their nasty girls for me. I did this without showing any skin or kissing anyone. Words are oh so powerful!
| The 5th Wheel | ||||||||
| Episode #3537 |
click HERE to see your local listing |
|||||||
| An insomniac New York date has fishing poles, contortionists, truth-or-dare, the Statue of Liberty, Russian beauties, and a “man-magnet.” (TVPG) |
||||||||
To find out the local channel that will air this episode, click HERE . I am taking a risk here, as they may have well twisted it all around in their editing techniques, but what the hell, have a look, have a laugh. The “man magnet” they are writing about is me. They tell all people who are picked to be the “5th WHEEL” to do a short 2 minute monologue about themselves, that would purposely provocate and annoy the other contestants, to stir things up. They really DO tell you to be outrageous and to stir things up. So that is what became of my little clip. They let the two couples spend all day together, swapping partners, and getting all cozy with one another, then they sit them all down in the van and show them all the little video of who the 5th Wheel will be that day.
Naturally the females watching the film are already loathing me and are ready to rip my hair out before I even get onto the van! So, immediately after showing the clip, they throw the 5th Wheel in, this time being me.
You have to be very confident, hold your own, as they all want to verbally rough you up, all at once. After my roughing up on the Howard Stern show back in March 6, 2002 ( in which I did hold my own as good as one can against a room full of obnoxious, agressive PIGS) I have learned to never let that shit happen again, so I was ready and we had a sharp exchange of words, it was fucking funny!
I will be up watching and if I stay up and wait for the show and it doesn’t come on again, I will just give up on ever seeing it. So this is the last time I plus this friggin’ show on the blog. If it comes on and you see it, email me your comments – the good, bad and the ugly ones too.
Dr.
Chris Rock RULES
“If you like Fuckin’, marriage ain’t for you!”
My face hurts from watching Chris Rock’s new special “Never Scared” on HBO. It is the funniest shit I have seen since his last special “Bigger and Blacker”. He is definately at the top of my wish list, as to who I would like to massage and hang with. Glad I am not the only one who is against the idea of marriage. It is old fashioned and makes people too comfortable. You just try harder when you are just in love without a contract.
Advantages of both sexes
A poem for females….
I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify
any shopping spree.
Don’t go to a barber,
but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends,
about the size of my ass.
My beauty’s a masterpiece,
and yes, it takes long. 
At least I can admit,
to others when I’m wrong.
I don’t drive in circles,
at any cost.
And I don’t have a problem,
admitting I’m lost.
I never forget,
an important date.
You just gotta deal with it,
I’m usually late.
I don’t watch movies,
with lots of gore.
Don’t need instant replay,
to remember the score.
I won’t lose my hair,
I don’t get jock itch.
And just cause I’m assertive,
Don’t call me a bitch. 
Don’t say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear,
I can do better!
Flowers are okay,
But jewelry’s best.
Look at me you idiot…
Not at my chest????
I don’t have a problem,
With Expressing my feelings.
I know when you’re lying,
You look at the ceiling.
DON’T call me a GIRL ,
a BABE or a CHICK .
I am a WOMAN.
Get it?, you DICK!?!
WHY MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
What do you expect from such simple creatures!?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president. 
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because
“this one’s just too icky”.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress — $5000; tux rental — $100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $5.95 for a three-pack
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives…
on December 24… in 45 minutes.
No wonder men are happier!!!
(thanks to my pal John for this man “poem”)
A male friend of mine let me in our pure man talk the other day. I get that a lot, I get the raw shit, stuff guys hide from their girlfriends, or even females in general!
For some reason, they don’t hold back, they tell me the same shit they tell their guy pals. On one hand, that is great, then I can take that knowledge and help people with it, on the other hand, over the years, it has made me jaded, as in, no one can pull the wool over my eyes/bullshit me. Anyhow, he was saying, you see, a woman like you, well you are a “1” . I was like “huh?”-
“Yes, we rate chicks on a scale from 1 to 5, 1 being the best, hottest, 5 being a double bagger, emergency shag” he continued. Us guys, well, we all love to drool over the “1” chicks, but know they are too much trouble, you can never have them to yourselves. All the other guys want them and it is not worth the trouble. We prefer a “3” who thinks she is a “4”.” HELLO!! I was a bit annoyed, but then again, I hear women say the same thing, “He is hot, but I wouldn’t want him for my boyfriend, too many chicks would be after him and I don’t need the extra hassel!”
Funny how when Spring arrives, I get more business in the “relationship help” department. I get so much work, so many calls, sessions, emails, mostly from females in distress. They are all having the same crisis. Their guys are all action apathetic. Suddenly their men don’t call much, don’t visit much, they act like they don’t care much.
It is the time of year ladies. Spring, they want to be single and check out the other females. Let them fucking go if they want to. Just get busy. Work out big time, eat healthy, learn something new, go to new places you have never been to, just go go GO! Nothing worse than chasing a guy. It never works anyways.
How can you prevent this horn-dog triggered behaviour? What could you do differently? Not much, you could buy him a hat or cap of some kind come April 1st, so that not so many sun rays get to his head, which trigger his hormones to go wild and balls to grow bigger. Keep him inside, in the dark like a mushroom if you can. heehee.
Just get busy I say, that’s all you can do or just………
“Love the One You’re With”
by Stephen Stills
If you’re down and confused, and you don’t remember who you’re talkin’ to. Concentration slip away, ‘cause your baby is so far away.
by Stephen Stills
If you’re down and confused, and you don’t remember who you’re talkin’ to. Concentration slip away, ‘cause your baby is so far away.
Well there’s a rose in the fisted glove and the eagle flies with the dove, and if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with.
Don’t be angry, don’t be sad, and don’t sit cryin’ over good times you’ve had. There’s a girl right next to you, and she’s just waitin’ for something to do.
And there’s a rose in the fisted glove and the eagle flies with the dove, and if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with.
Dit dit dit dit dit dit dit dit, dit dit dit dit dit dit dit dit, dit dit dit dit dit dit dit dit, dit dit dit, dit dit dit.
Turn your heartache right into joy, she’s a girl, and you’re a boy. Well get it together, make it real nice,
You ain’t gonna need anymore advice.
Wolves in Alaska are still running for their lives
Hi Dr. Dot,
Wolves in Alaska are still running for their lives, but I
personally wanted to thank you. With Defenders of
Wildlife, we have already raised over $80,000 and
generated an additional 30,000 petition signatures
demanding that Alaska’s Governor Murkowski end the
savage aerial killing of wolves.
Despite our efforts so far, unbelievably, the killing
continues. We are more committed than ever to ending
this barbaric slaughter. We need your help to step up
our public education and mobilization advertising
campaign calling for an end to aerial gunning which
will run in major newspapers across the country.
Support our efforts here: http://www.care2.com/go/z/13454
Plans for the next ten days include:
** Purchasing ad space in editions of The Washington
Post, USA Today and the Los Angeles Times that will
reach over 1.5 million and help us to reach our goal
of 100,000 petitions. Launching an email mobilization
campaign that will go to over 900,000 wildlife activists
and supporters. See ad: http://www.care2.com/go/z/13503
** The public must understand the brutal nature of
chasing down wolves from airplanes until they are too
tired to run any further. They need to know how wolf
packs suffer when their family members are shot
point-blank, too exhausted to escape.
Our goal is to raise another $45,000 by Earth Day, 4/22,
to place more ads and expand our public outreach and
mobilization campaign. We need your help.
Go to: http://www.care2.com/go/z/13454
Thank you for caring,
Randy Paynter
President, Care2 &
The Petition Site
PS. When I hear about these sickening wolf hunts, I feel better
knowing that so many of you are out there who also care.
Thank you so much for your help — it makes me proud to
be a part of such an amazing community.
You can help here: http://www.care2.com/go/z/13454