The Fifth Wheel lie

I now believe the 5th Wheel tells the contestants several false air dates just to get more people to tune in to watch their stupid show. I was told so many different times when it would air, now I don’t believe them no matter what. Oh well, no big deal. If you are really curious as to when it will air, call the 5th Wheel wankers and ask them: 1-323-954-9424 ask them when is the ‘5th Wheel episode number 537’ going to air.  They piss me off, tell them I said that.

My cousin Rachel is here visiting from CT, she has never been out on the town in NYC, so even though I am massaging Sting’s entourage and I am on call, I am still taking her around the city and showing her a good time. She is also a karaoke queen, in fact, she was into it way before I was, she is the one who got me into it, so it’s all her fault 😉

Gotta rest up for another day of touring the city with Rachel

xx Dot

’bout freakin TIME

Don’t even get me started about the vanishing of ‘Blog City’ for days at a time without a reason or apology. Don’t they know we NEED to blog?
If you are awake tonight at 1am ( NYC time) turn on the newtwork station near you that shows “the Fifth Wheel” show, as I was told tonight is the night they air my episode. They said that last night to, but didn’t pull through. I called today and whined about it and they said “sorry for the mix up, but for sure it will be on tonight” .

Hope it’s good.
Glad the blog is back-

Dr. Dot

Lil’ Kim being a Lil’ disgusting

I know she can afford underwear. I have to say, Lil’ Kim is by far my least favorite celebrity, hands down. I would rather stare at Michael Jackson’s face then hers. She has had so much plastic surgery that she doesn’t even look similar to her first album cover. She is, like Michael, also getting whiter. Lipo, new teeth, fake hair, fake eye colors, tit job, nose job, cheek implants, eyes lifted etc, she was so creepy to see at the Grammy’s. All that is nothing compared to her nasty choice of clothing, or lack of it.

Sure, we all dress hot sometimes, but shoving your FURRY Beaver in the crowds face while you are singing on stage is down right lewd. Why doesn’t she just do porn? I guess since Janet let her tit flop out at the Super Bowl, the shock bar has been raised, so in order to shock now, you really have to let it ALL hang out.

How to deal with Assholes

I was talking today to one of my best friends in the world, Andrea, and she told me that the father of her child is still being a cheap asshole and refuses to take any part of raising the child or give money willingly. I was telling her I think he is an ASSHOLE, ( he is from Iceland, so he is an icy asshole!) and I didn’t understand how anyone can just walk away from such a young angel:

Tara is Carmen; thanks to Prince

How many times is VH-1 and E! going to tell Carmen Electra’s life story and make PRINCE out to be such mean freak. He discovered her and bought her plastic breast, produced an album and video for her, it isn’t his fault that she couldn’t sing. Every time the story is told, Prince is the big bad short guy who controlled her and made her “sleep in full make up and sexy clothing” . Poor girl, makes me weep. Prince is a unique musical genius and she is lucky he discovered her; she should stop complaining about it once and for all. Had it not been for him, she would possibly still be just

Don’t leave us now, we love you Sex and the City! ;)

Was that good or what? My eyes swelled up at least twice. Glad Mr. Big came through and the nerve of the Russian guy slapping Carrie!! How are we to go on now without fresh Sex and the City episodes to look forward to? If you are not into the show, why not? Once you see one show, you are hooked. Thank goodness for DVD’s.

I can understand why Carrie took Big back, you can’t fight real love; it is overwhelming. And in the end, you should stay with who you have the best sex with ( if possible). Just like Samantha said “Who you are in bed, is who you are in life”. Are you wimpy? Quick? Polite? Boring? Selfish? a Pig? God I love that show.

Another note about passion, I watched “The Piano” the other night, starring Harvey Keitel. It was SO amazing!!! I am now a Harvey fan, I mean , I was before, but the way he played that role in the Piano blows ones mind (Not to mention how incredibly SEXY he is in this movie!). I strongly recommend this film if you haven’t already seen it. Awesome and it also proves, passionate love prevails.

It is almost 8am and I am still up, can you say “Sleep Disorder”?

“Oh oh catch that buzz
Love is the drug I´m thinking of
Oh oh can´t you see
Love is the drug for me”

” I got nasty habits” Rolling Stones

Bad habits? Oh, a few I suppose! It is almost 5am and I am not even close to tired. Just had chocolate mouse and just saw Jim Carey on the Conan O’Brien show, which was filmed in Toronto. Jim is out of this world funny, love that man!

I didn’t go to Letterman, I was invited and could have easily gone, but Alan sounded like he REALLY didn’t want to go due to his busy schedule: He just picked up Ron Wood from the airport and had to get him situated. Ronnie is in town for a few gigs, among them two with Rod Stewart. It is Alan’s job to get Ronnie and his wife Jo settled into the hotel etc, and Ronnie’s son, Jamie ( actually Jo’s son from a former marriage) is Ronnie’s tour manager, so he is in town too. I am on call for massages as usual but like to stay out of Alan’s hair and I could tell by his stressy tone that he did want to bring me, but wouldn’t mind if I cancelled.

It is this sixth sense of mine that has gotten me where I am today, you have to be able to read people, their voice, face, tone etc. Alan is mainly here in the city as Elizabeth Jagger is moving out of her flat, and Alan is here to help her store her things, so he has his hands full, as usual. He is around 63 years old and has worked for Mick over 30 years, starting out with the Stones at the very beginning, as Brian Jones assistant. I owe it to Alan for introducing me to the Stones in 1985 for the first time and then later having me massage them. So, I give him space and never crowd such folks. I called and cancelled this morning as I really didn’t feel all that hot anyways, and Alan sounded relieved ( as I predicted) and assured me we can see Letterman again in the near future, so it was a good call.

I had millions of things to do anyways, do you know some folks will do anything to get on the Dr. Dot team, it is so flattering and a good thing, the team is growing like a strong weed! A guy named Roddy contacted me a few weeks ago and asked about joining the staff and mentioned he is from London. At the moment, I don’t have any help in London, so I said sure, but you would have to massage me to join and show me your credentials, sign the contract etc. He mentioned he would be in town this very weekend (Thursday to Sunday) . So I set up the time for him. Little did I know, he flew to NYC JUST for this interview. Now that is ambition!

He massages soccer players at a sports club in London and has several diplomas, he is very impressive. I had him come over at 7pm last night and he massaged me for about two hours. It was wonderful. His dad is Scottish and mom is from Jamaica, so he has a nice color to him and loads of manners. Super organized, I thought for sure he is a Virgo, but he is a Capricorn. He told me when he told his wife and family that he was flying to NYC to massage a “Dr. Dot”, they all laughed and told him to have fun massaging a 70 year old lady, they all assumed that I was like a Dr. Ruth type, and that I must be super old. Does my name scream “Old timer”? . Hmmm. Anyways, he told me he showed them my web sites and his wife was like “WHAT?” but still , stood by him and gave him the nod to go for it. He not only flew here, but paid for a expensive hotel and all that, I must admit, he has courage, as what if I didn’t like his massage? He must have been very confident to take such a risk. But I can assure you, he is dam good and I am super hard to please when it comes to massage. You have to have hands of steel and be able to crush my shoulder knots and pinch me like there is no tomorrow, even he admitted

Late Night with David Letterman and the 5th Wheel show

Top Ten Signs You Should Get A Divorce

10. For Valentine’s Day he gives you a box of Pop Tarts and says, “If you need me, I’ll be at Hooters.”

9. The only thing you have in common is your hatred for one another.

8. You ask the guy at Hallmark where the “Controlling Bitch” section is.

7. You keep finding receipts for the guys she’s hired to kill you.

6. You still haven’t forgiven him for nailing that fat intern when he was a resident.

5. She brings a date to couples counseling.

4. You just married Liza Minnelli.

3. He won’t shut up about how great his secretary is in bed.

2. You sleep in separate beds in separate bedrooms in separate houses in separate states.

1. Her pet nickname for you — “Numb-nuts.”

‘Frankie the lucky Pit Bull’ update

It was about a year ago that I found the 8 month old Put Bull tied to a street bench, he was very thin, you could see his ribs and he was bleeding in various areas around his face and neck, in other words, it looked like he had just lost a fight and some wanker tossed him away because of that loss.

I was just out power walking on a Friday night and saw him; some kids asked me if I wanted the dog! I was shocked but still rescued him. My landlord is a PRICK who won’t let me have any animals, so I have to keep Frankie at my Uncle Jacks house in Connecticut. Since one year, Frankie has gone from a skinny to wide and meaty, and he is so spoiled. He sleeps under the covers in between my uncles ( one is my uncle the other is his husband)

The boy who cried “Love” ( Sex and the City RULES!)

Carrie ( oh please don’t say which Carrie) hit the friggin nail right on the head tonight ( er, last night) on Sex and the City. Big waltzes back into her life, per radar ( oh, Carrie must be happy again, let me play with her heart again) and expects her to drop everything for another round with him. I have been through that before and not too long ago either.

You know, the boy who cried “WOLF” story, well, Carrie is right, why do men do that? “Don’t it always seem to go, you don’t know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone”. Right BEAR? That is what I will call him, as no way would I write