advice – Dr. Dot's Blog

March 12, 2011

Ask Dr. Dot March 2011

Send your questions/problems to drdot@drdot.com and do not worry, I always change the names around, so your secret is safe with me,

Dr. Dot

So I finally did things the correct way, dating a man for a while before fucking or sucking him. He is 30, very attractive and hilarious-makes me laugh til it hurts. We started with oral and when I got down there I found a mini penis attached to him. What? Such a disappointment. I would feel like a cunt if I broke up with him due to his teenie weenie. It does get hard occasionally (he has diabetes and it appears that makes a difference). I will never find the right man. If they are well hung, they seem to be arrogant. When they are kind, sure enough, willy the size of a thumb. Am I shallow?

Goldie Cocks

You can help his cock out by fucking him on the floor. Throw a thick blanket (so you don't bang up your knees) on the floor, put a pillow vertically under his ass and squat on him. This will ensure you get every millimeter of his manhood up inside you. As far as him being soft due to Diabetes, you can ask him in a sexy way to try some Viagra for you. It's ok for a young, fit man to try it once in awhile (the older, heavier men with weaker hearts are the ones whoneed to be very careful taking Viagra). If you really like this guy (it sounds like you do) try and help him out a bit. After all, sex usually doesn't last more than 2 hours a day, so it's a good idea to be with someone who can also stimulate your mind for the other 22hours, not just your snatch.

I don't really have a problem, just fishing for some tips on how to spoil my woman. We've been together for 4 months now and sex is good but it seems to be plateauing. Tell me how to blow her mind Doc. Seriously.

Son of Suzy Cream-cheese

Try and make sure neither of you are full. Having sex on an empty stomach works best (more blood for your genitals). Get your room candle lit and have some Jimi Hendrix (or Prince) music on for her. Tell her to just lie there and let you spoil her. Massage her with some warm oil; her feet, legs, rump. Then when you get to the back, before you put any oil on her, start nibbling her back gently with your teeth. No tiny pinching bites; big, firm but not too hard, grasps, just enough to make her feel delicious enough to eat. Go up and down her back avoiding the spine and bony areas. Then massage her with the oil. Roll her over and nibble her inner thighs. Lick them from knee to crotch with big long firm tongue strokes. But make sure you take your time before diving into her pussy. Make her yearn for you. The longer you spend working on her body, the hungrier and hornier she will grow. You know what to do next.

I have been with my partner for 6 years and have a kid. I have recently found out the over the last 12 months she has often had sex with someone else. She even had a threesome with him and another guy. Is there anyway that we can work stuff out and still be a couple?

Bamboozled by Love

You can't really trust her anymore since she hid this from you. You need to decide how important sex is to you both. If you have a very deep connection and get a long really well outside the bedroom and she treats you well, you may want to over look her sexual habits (or join in with them). However, if you are the jealous type and the thought of your woman sucking off some other guy really gets under your skin, you may have to leave her. It will be easier for you to find another woman that it will be for her to find a man to take her seriously.

Forbidding her from fucking other men would just be a huge waste of time. She would probably promise it right to your face but still shag around behind your back, so it really boils down to this: can you live withan open relationship or not as she likes a variation of cock.

For 1 year I've been with a Scottish bloke. We've known each other since childhood and he moved away 20 yrs ago & recently found me online. We talked; catching up on the past. He was married and has a son and I was married and also have a son.

Aftera while, we noticed that it clicked. And the first time we saw each other again….. BOOM! Since then, we were just so good together. Everything was right, humor, talking and insanely hot sex. His son likes me; my son digs him. Brilliant. We'd both gone through our shit and saw that this was a good thing happening.

For a year now, we've been back & forth to see each other. He can't leave cause he has a business there and my son goes to a fantastic school and I've a great job here.

I'm still keen but he's turned “cooler”. He doesn't call much &he used to go overboard & I'm spoilt from it, but now it's next to nothing. I don't wanna nag, cos that's not me, but at the same time I don't wanna just let it slip. He says he loves me but he's “overwhelmed”. His business had a set back and it's making him grumpy.

It's like a drug he gave me for a year & now it's cold turkey. What does a woman do, that wants her bloke to love her like before? I don't recall feeling this way before. That's why I'm frustrated &not sure how to react

Maggie Mae

Men usually put work first, so if they love their work and all is going well with work, they are happy and it is easy for them to treat theirloved ones well. If work is shit, their moods turn to shit and theyjust do not have the energy or desire to be overly nice to anyone. Just keep busy and if he gets in touch, do not mention the lack of communication, just be happy to hear from him. You two went all those years without contact and you were still ok, what's a week or two with no contact now? All relationships chill out after a while, yeah, that sucks as that "drug" is oh so fucking awesome, but it is not reality. Let him do his thing and come to you when he needs you.

Do NOT nag, whine, cry or mention it, just keep busy and you will be the "different" woman who doesn't give him shit. Join a yoga class, learn how to massage, belly dance,etc. anything to prevent him from being the center of your universe. First comes you, then your son, THEN him. If he still doesn't come bouncing back, you will still be fit and happy because of all the new shit you've been busy learning and that will make you attractive to the next lucky fucker who comes your way.

February 6, 2011

Ask Dr. Dot February 2011

Free Love, Sex and Relationship advice: drdot@drdot.com

Recently I started dating this guy, 26 years old. I am a 28. When we first met, I had been going to his place as I paid him to fix my lap top. I thought that he was gay, because of his mannerisms. He acts and talks very feminine. However, he hit on me and I was surprised but flattered as he is very handsome. I flat out asked him “aren't you gay?”. He hesitantly said, “no”. Then I asked if he was bisexual and he said “not really”. I said “What? Have you ever made out with a man?” and then he told me “yes once or twice”. I don't understand this. How can one not know if they are gay or not? Making out with a man, if you're a man, is gay. He says he doesn't like to be labeled, but I need to know. How can I handle this without scaring him off? He has a HUGE fat cock, which I sucked once already (loves it!) but I am wondering, has it been in a few men's asses or has he been fucked in the ass? Will my twat be enough for this dude?

Dude looks like a lady

A new lover is sort of like a used car; it may seem new to you but you just can never tell how many or what kind people have ridden in it before you got it. I have met a few well hung men who have also pitched for both teams simply because they feel their massive cocks are too precious to be limited to one gender. They want EVERYONE to worship their gigantic rods. If he treats you well and you use protection, just enjoy him for what he is, a well endowed, open minded amusement park ride. You can't change the past, so just enjoy the present (pun intended).

I've been seeing this man for the past few months and we laugh a lot and have a great time but I feel like I am being taken advantage of sometimes. I cook, drive to him ( he lives 30 miles away) . I have to pay sometimes when we go out as he is out of work. I guess I want to prove that not all girls are after a Man's money. I spend a lot on gas and even feed his cat. How can I get out of this routine without coming across as being mean?

Lovely Linda

If you give too much people will take too much. Be nice but stop giving. See what happens. You will find out if he still wants to come around and see you, etc. If he asks you why the sudden change, tell him "I am exhausted from making such a big effort for us". You need to know the truth. If he really wants you, he will make a bigger effort and start being more generous. Keep in mind, there is one thing you can never change and that is biology; The sperm come to the egg; not the egg to the sperm.

I'm 20 years old with an 18 year old fiancee. Young, yes, but we have a lot of love for each other. Just recently she has been shying away from sex, she said she just didn't have the urge to… She had recently been put on the depo birth control shot. Which I figured (A) Sometimes people go through dry spells, and (B) Birth control can really play a toll on females. Well on top of the whole not having sex thing, she has become more stand-offish. She will fight with me about anything, and yell at me for the simplest of things. I don't know what is going on, I don't want to believe she's being unfaithful because I trust her. She was walking to grab a screw driver just now and turned around half way through the hall to grab her phone, maybe because she knew I would go through it, or was waiting for a friend to respond, I don't know the case.I really am fighting to hold on to what I have, but it seems like every time I try to better things, they become worse. And thoughts? Tips? Advice? What should I do? I'm really lost,

Hasty Hal

You say you trust her yet she “knew” you would go through her mobile phone when it was unattended. This proves something is brewing between you two. First of all, she is only 18. She probably doesn't know her ass from her elbow yet. Her yelling at you and protecting her phone are signs that she is bored with the relationship, probably having an affair (this is pretty much expected from teen-agers). At your age (20 and 18) getting engaged may be a sweet gesture but you see now that the security you sought is quickly killing the love and passion you had. I suggest sitting her down and telling her you love her madly, still want to be romantically involved but are calling off the engagement. Tell her "why rush into things? I can see the pressure of being engaged is getting to both of us, there is no rush, we are both young, lets just love each other and forget the contract". If you don't have the balls to tell her to her face, write a nice letter to her, making sure you stress the fact you are not breaking up with her, just ridding the engagement which you feel has changed things. Stand by your decision and you will find out the truth; she will either crave you more or be relieved and move on to whatever it is that is distracting her so much. You need to know and this gesture will show you if she can live without you or not. Getting married, in my opinion, is old fashioned and unnecessary-unless immigration plays a role in it. Getting married before age 30 is just inviting chaos into your life.

I am 22 years old girl and had my first relationship with a guy who took my virginity and after few months he dumped me. I decided have another affair with a guy who made me pregnant. I am not in a good relationship and I wish to go back to my first boyfriend who too my cherry and ran. I try to find his whereabouts but only found that he's in jail and was sentenced for 15 years. I love him very much and I wish to have him back whenever he comes out of jail; am i right to go back to him? I miss him so badly and I have a 4 years old daughter I don't know if he will accept me. Help me.

Ditzy Donna

You may THINK you "love him" but loving someone who doesn't want you is retarded. People tend to romanticize about their first ever lover. The one who took their virginity sometimes stays in our hearts and minds but this does not mean they are "the one". In fact it seldom ever works out being the one. He already dumped you once. It's over. It will never work out. Not only does he not want you (you can TELL when a man wants you, he makes it very clear by calling, texting, emailing, trying to find you like the sperm tries to find the egg) but he is in JAIL. Do you really think this is the best father figure for your daughter? You need to get busy as it sounds like you have way too much free time. Would you want your daughter to spend her time chasing a criminal who doesn't even want her? I doubt it. Set a good example for your kid by working hard and only loving men who love you (and I don't just mean sex you, I mean LOVE you). You are wasting your time even thinking about this idiot. Get busy, move on and the right man will come along. Men usually don't mind when a woman has a child already, especially a cute little daughter. It shows them you are capable of pushing out a healthy kid and either gives them hope they will get one out of you too or if they don't want any of their own, they will enjoy the fact you have one and won't be bothering them for a child.

I have been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now, and we have been having serious relationship issues because every time we have sex, she gets a yeast infection. Its to the point where she resents me so much for it, that we constantly fight, argue, and refrain from sex all together. She claims its my fault and I keep giving it to her, but I don't feel any symptoms and she is the only girl I have had this problem with. I work part time and I don't have medical insurance so I haven't had the chance to see a doctor either. I really love her, and I don't want to do anything stupid like cheat on her, but more importantly I don't want to lose her over this. What can I do?

Tortured Tommy

This happens A LOT. Tell her to make sure she cuts back on eating sugar, carbs and avoid using any soaps on her snatch. Get some yeast infection cream, like Yeast Guard or something similar. Try and give it a rest for a few days to work it's magic (if you simply have to fuck, use the creme as lubrication). She also needs to wear cotton panties (no thongs) to bed so her crotch can breath. You can both eat acidophilus tablets and lots of natural yogurt to keep your bodies bacteria in check. Try using a condom next time, perhaps that will help. Tell her MANY women get itchy/irritated pussies after sex and it's not your fault that she too much cheese on her Taco.

December 7, 2010

Ask Dr. Dot December 2010

Email me: drdot@drdot.com your questions and I will answer them personally. I always alter the names so your secrets are safe with me x

My girlfriend and I (both in our 40's) have been together for 16 months, and live together for last 6 months (her flat). Pretty fast I know, but finances played a role (I am out of work).
She seems to shave her pussy before she goes out with her "male mates" without me (she has quite a few), She told me she slept around A LOT before she met me, and though she also told me she never cheated on a boyfriend, I did find that she lied about having slept with a particular one of her closest "male mates" prior to meeting me. She also recently told me she feels like she has to lie about seeing some of said mates because she thinks I won't like it.
I told her the truth is extremely important, and if I have any discomfort, it is far LESS important than telling the truth, and we could talk about it.
Thus, I am now left feeling uncomfortable with the situation and am not sure how to deal with it. How far would she take these lies? Any advice

-Wondering Wilhelm

A.
Perhaps she feels she has the right to behave like this since you aren't contributing financially. She seems to be acting like a macho man.
You have already caught her in a big lie and frequent "little lies"; she admitted to feeling like she "has to lie to you" (too much lying going on here) and no one has to shave their genitals before going to out meet "friends". It sounds to me like she thinks of you as a Dad or a Brother, not a boyfriend.
At her age, I really doubt she will be changing her behavior patterns anytime soon. She used to be very promiscuous? Once a slag; always a slag-
not that it's a bad thing but that shit never changes and it seems to bother you. Either accept her "independent ways" or find another roommate to help with the rent. You will easily find another woman to love you but she will have a hard time finding any man to put up with her bullshit, especially at that age.

After my divorce I have just had my first experience with a man. As I never used condoms with my husband I never remembered to use one with him.
He was younger than me and very clean and sporty so I also did not see him as a big risk. Have I broken a big taboo by having a one-niter in this fashion and need to watch out in the future or is the odd one ok?

Petrified Paula

You can't judge some by their age or appearance. Some young people sleep around much more than older people, simply because they can.
Using a condom is always the best route to take. I would go have a check up and blood test to ease your mind.

I have been dating a woman for last six months. Once we had a conversation about cheating. I said I would never do that, and that if I wanted to be someone else that would mean we should not be together. I really do believe that. When I asked her would she cheat, she said “ I would cheat on you if you piss me off!”. I could hardly believe what she said. In my opinion this is a very bad sign, especially since we did have 2-3 times when one of us got pissed. I think that conflicts happen sometimes in mature relationships, we are both 45+ years old, and having what I think so far was a serious relationship. When I told her later that this did not sound very good, she tried to avoid direct answer, excusing it on her previous husband who cheated on her and that she was reflecting on that. Sounds quite bad to me.

Non cheating boyfriend.

Women usually stray for two reasons (1) Revenge (2) To get more attention/admiration if they are not getting enough with their partner. Most women do not cheat when they are in love. The word cheating bothers me. One cheats on a test or at a game, but not so, in my opinion, in a relationship. The difference between dating and marriage, in my eyes, is people should still be able to do whatever they want before they make that HUGE commitment called marriage. “Cheating” used to be called "playing the field". Thing is, you can NOT force someone to be monogamous. People are physically committed when they want to be. Stressing about monogamy will not coax it along; it will simply push your lover away. EVERYONE loves to do forbidden things, so if you forbid her to shag around, it will be on the top of her list of things to do. All one can really do is be kind, fun to be around and a generous partner ( be wild in bed, willing to massage when asked, etc) and this should make your lover want to be exclusive to you. If you do all that and they still want to fuck around, so be it. When people reach the age of 45, they are pretty much set in their ways. No teaching older dogs new tricks. Avoid having "conversations about cheating" as often as you can, as that will surely lead to drama. If she says she might "cheat" if you piss her off, try not to piss her off.

Is there any safe way of licking pussy? Last time I licked my new girlfriends pussy, the bottom of my tongue was black and blue and tender as fuck for days and my bottom lip looked like someone punched me. I LOVE licking her pussy but she moves about a lot when I am at it and I pay the price for the few days after. I have not licked pussy for a couple of years as I underwent cancer treatments and it seems I must have forgotten how. Her favorite thing is oral, so I have to keep at this.

Swollen but Eager

I know what you mean. Not an easy task. Go to a drug store (CVS, Walgreens, etc) and get those rubber teeth guards one wears to avoid grinding teeth while sleeping. If you can't find those, look for the rubber inserts they sell with teeth bleaching kits, or lie to your dentist and tell them you tend to grind your teeth at night and want to prevent any damage. Put those on you and then give it a try. You won't injure yourself and will probably be able to munch her out longer and more intense than ever before. One thing to look forward to, you won't have this problem later in life when you lose all your teeth.

Not sure if they are for sale yet, but the oral condom could help too…

September 6, 2010

Ask Dr. Dot Sept. 2010

Please feel free to email me drdot@drdot.com with any questions you have, I always change the names around, so you're secrets are safe with me 😉

  I found out the man I've been with for three years has been having a very intimate correspondence with a woman. Not sexually but emotionally. He knows I can open his email as we sometimes shared it for work. He deletes some mails but forgets to delete others. I know it's invasive but I just couldn't stop.
We live apart as he "loves his space". He is 36 and I am 45 but I look young for my age and he looks old for his age. I'm very dependent on him, not only emotionally – my 16 year old son sees him as the male authority, we spend vacations all together, etc. He's never seen this woman, only talks to her on the phone sometimes as I learned from his mails.  I don't blame the woman as he made her believe he's single. She's married but obviously looking for changes in her life. I knew he liked to be surrounded by women – both virtually and in reality so I thought she was just one of his fan club but this is different. He's talking to her practically in the same way he talks to me. I'm trying to ignore this and not tell him anything but it's torture. He sees something is wrong with me. He treats me so nice, we see each other almost daily and have sex only once a week ( I want it more!). What's worse we've long planned to spend Christmas holidays with my son and his mother in the country where she lives. The woman lives in the same country.
Now my boyfriend tells me he wants to stay there longer to spend more time with his mother after we leave. What should I do? Cancel the trip altogether?
But my son wants to go and I have my own friends there that I wanted to see. Keep ignoring this and let him do whatever he wants to do? But I'm very emotional and I know I won't be able to feign indifference for a long time. it makes me really sick, I can't concentrate on anything and I know it damages my ties with my son and other people and even my work performance. 

Cynthia the Couga r

The more you try to prevent this meeting from happening, the more exciting and important it will become for him. If you email her and tell her he is 'taken', you will loose him for good as he clearly likes and demands his freedom. If you confess that you have been following this affair per email, he will see you as a nosy, sneaky, jealous and clingy ball and chain. You two are not engaged, not married or even living together so neither of you can demand monogamy. Would you REALLY want to prevent him from doing something he really wants to do? You would then start to wonder if he is only with you because you intercepted and what would stop him from finding another female fan in the future? Don't mess with fate. If it is meant to be, it is meant to be. Like the boss says, everybody has a hungry heart. He may just be bored. You say he treats you and your son very well and takes care of you and even fucks your properly once a week. You can NOT expect more from a person.

You can't chain them physically down and put blinders on them ensuring they are focused only on you and why would one want that?  Just remain calm, stay busy, work out, stay sexy and easy going, get ready for your trip and see how it unfolds. Either way you win. He will either find her boring in
person or irresistible and this would then set you free from the constant wondering and feeling of being 2ND in line. You can't change this situation, you can only change how you handle it. Perhaps SHE will find out he is taken and flip out making him appreciate you even more. Let him play his little game, you need to stay busy and enjoy your life, we only get one, this is not a dress rehearsal.  

I just starting seeing this amazing girl and we have great sex often, she is amazingly beautiful but a little insecure in bed not helped by the fact shitty ex bf told her she was a wank jump. I am really into giving her orgasms whenever possible but basically the head job discussion is completely OFF LIMITS. She has advised it's strictly Christmas or birthdays, but has made it clear she's just not into it. I've tried the denial method but fuck that, I love eating vagina. Part of me thinks who cares I'm with someone who likes me but I think maybe the denial is making me want it more. She is young (21) and I'm 34 which is fine, but she had a tough time in her teenage years.

Oral Otis

You have "great sex often" with a girl who is more than ten years younger than you? Please count your blessings and stop whining. Eventually she will come around and let you lick her pussy on a more regular basis. She is 21, which is when most women are merely starting to figure out what they like and dislike in bed AND you just started seeing her, so please chill and be more patient. Ask her if she would try 69 with you, that way her pussy isn't the only focal point. If she still frowns upon it, oh well, you are still getting what most men crave; regular great sex with a younger woman. If you give up and leave her, the next girl may hate GIVING oral, then you will really be fucked!

I am a Premature ejaculator. I doubt I am the only one with this problem, but I suffer from this greatly. My last girlfriend cheated on me and when I confronted her she said "I had to fuck someone else, you don't satisfy me" since then, I haven't stated another relationship as I am feeling unworthy of any pussy. My penis is rather large, but I can't hold out for more than 2 minutes. Any advice you have for me would be a gift for me.

Quick Nick

There are some tricks you can try (1) Wank off hours before you see your girl (2) Always use a condom so it doesn't feel so overwhelmingly amazing (3) Fuck standing up (ejaculation will take longer as your brain is slightly preoccupied keeping you standing & less blood will be in your cock; some has to be in the legs to keep you up and moving (4) Make her cum BEFORE you even start fucking her so she has less to complain about if you finish quickly once you're in there (5) Date a woman who could care less about sex (I KNOW there are many out there, I hear about them everyday from their frustrated partners).

Relatives keep giving winding me up about being a 36 year old single woman. I really can't take all of this nagging anymore. They harp on me every chance they get. The "I just haven't met Mr. Right" expression isn't helping anymore. Am I the only one who just doesn't care if I am dating or not? I have a cat so I am never lonely.
Sick of it All Sally

At the next family gathering as soon as someone goes there, in a very loud pitch say "I am single because I refuse to take it up the ass, which is a deal breaker nowadays." See how that grabs them.

Q.

I love my wife of 18 yrs; everything used to be OK. I had a drinking problem, and I rarely got sex even though I wanted it. I tried EVERYTHING to turn her on.
She's the receiver; never makes any effort to instigate or give sexual pleasure. I quit drinking a year ago and realized how controlling she is. We would be at a party, I would say “I'm going to go talk to whoever” & she would grab my shirt and tell me "NO, stay here, have a drink" Family members would put me down, yet she never said anything, etc. She yells at me for no reason/snapping. I told her it gives me chest pain, yet she continues.
I let her control the bills; she has ruined my credit!
All this was OK till I started standing up for myself. We Almost divorced 3 times this year, but avoided it by me giving in and trying "once more". Each time we reconciled she would give me all the sex I wanted (for awhile). Then started snapping at me again. I really cant afford to leave her, I don't make enough to live by myself and I love her but I WANT sex, BTW, she Loves me eating her out, but wont give me head where I get to come in her mouth, I told her I really want that- ( not happening ) when we do have sex shes never into it, she just tells me to " hurry" I feel I'm missing out on a lot. I don't know what to do. She says she Loves me more than anything- hhhmmmm

Suffocated Steve

A.
In my opinion, if she "loves you more than anything" she would let you cum in her mouth, stop bitching at you and smack the shit out of people who put you down. She is probably so used to you being drunk and apathetic that she doesn't really know the real you anymore and can't understand why you can't be ordered around anymore. If you are going to stay with her, you need to write her a letter so you can get your real thoughts out on paper without her having the chance to interrupt or snap at you while doing so. Tell her you are sorry for being drunk for so many years, but you are back and it is time for you to make up for loss time and take charge of your bills, household, spunk and life in general. She can either relax and enjoy the new your or move the fuck on and spend some other wimps money. Words don't mean anything. Anyone can SAY "I love you" but their actions reveal the truth of the matter. I would personally rather be broke than live with someone who sucks in bed, spends all my money and nags at me. If you do leave her, avoid getting married again, the same fucking thing will happen all over again. Like Chris Rock says "if you like fucking, don't get married".

April 15, 2010

Ask Dr. Dot April 2010

Email me your questions and I will answer them for free and I will change your name to protect your identity. Your naughty secrets are safe with me 🙂

I have been dating this girl for about 2 months. We almost broke up two weeks in because she thought we were moving to fast.
She said we were having sex to often, but I was never the one coming on to her, she always came looking for me.
We eventually just went on, having regular healthy (great for both sides) sex. She text messaged me describing what she was going to do to me sexually, but then after shopping with her, she texted me saying “I don't want to have sex for a while” (so we didn't fuck after all). I asked her about it because I found it unusual. She didn't have much to say other then it's “not a big deal”.

I will admit the past two times we have had sex, it hasn't been the best. She seemed a little uninterested. When I asked her about this, if she was losing interest or what, she simply said “well, I wasn't really in the mood but I fucked you anyways to please you”. No girl has ever openly said such a thing to me, so I found it somehow sweet and endearing. I just need a girls point of view on this whole thing… is it really not a big deal, that I'm blowing out of proportion?
Or is there something hiding behind this whole ordeal? Any thoughts, suggestions would be appreciated. And by the way I'm 26 and she is 25

Horny Hans

Not a good sign. If this is going on already, imagine being bound to her for the rest of your life. Imagine her saying "oh honey, you can fuck me if you have to, but I'd rather fold laundry, so hurry", as that's probably where this will end up if you stick with her, move in together or worse, marry her.
I'd keep your options open and play the field. You're too young for such restrictions. Best to have a girlfriend who wants to fuck you, rather than just tossing you a mercy fuck from time to time. Get out while you still can my friend.

A guy I have been seeing on and off for the last couple of years (we live in different countries) never, ever licks my pussy. I have a very clean tight twat and I know it smells and tastes good because other men tell me so and I often lick my fingers after masturbating. He is considerably younger than I am so I have remained patient. I asked him flat out once "why don't you lick my cunt?" and he replied like a smart ass "you never ask". This infuriated me and I almost ended contact with him. A while after wards I asked him, full stop on the phone, about this one way oral sex street we are on and he then came up with a new excuse, that I am older and he is afraid he won't be as good at it as any former lovers I have had. Do these excuses sound good enough to you? Am I over reacting?
I am extremely generous with giving head and I feel ripped off.

Oral Ora

He sounds like a lazy sack of shit to me. Trying and failing is still better than not trying at all. Age has nothing to do with it either. You can't let him off easy all the time just because he is younger. When does he plan on learning? When he is 50? It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. Suggest teaching him how to do it exactly as you like it. The fact he said "you never ask" shows he is being a selfish prat. Hold off on those generous blow jobs and if/when he asks why you stopped, give him a taste of his own medicine and tell him "ladies first" and guide his thick head down towards your neglected cunt. If he still refuses, show him the door. There are plenty of men around, of all ages, who love to lick pussy.

Why is it hard for a 45 year old man to cum but still maintain a rock hard penis. It's like "the feeling" or "itch" want to rise but just doesn't. I also tend to get hot (body temperature wise). My beautiful girl comments that my penis always tends to make me sweat first before I cum. Now sometimes I do cum and it usually always explodes out as if there is a blockage in the valve and the pressure just pushes it out. I'm aware I might have a control issue as I generally don't have a problem masturbating. Rarely however, do I cum during intercourse. I don't hammer away, sometimes I go slow, sometimes I wiggle about – depending on how my partner is feeling or wants.

Diamond Dick-Dave

It sounds to me like you and your cock are very dehydrated. When a person isn't drinking enough water, the body tends to get selfish and holds onto every drop of fluid it has. Avoid excess coffee and tea, which simply dry you up from the inside out. Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day and go to a Urologist to have the "blockage" checked out. Blockages can occur as a result of infections (including STD's). These can be cleared up by taking antibiotics. If you have a structural blockage, you may need to undergo minor surgery. So a trip to the “Cock-Doc” and drinking more healthy fluids should cool you and your hot willy off and make ejaculation easier.

I am 24 and left my boyfriend (age 26) of four years for another guy. Then my relationship with that guy went bad and we broke up. When I first left my ex I heard many friends tell me how they had seen him constantly out drinking himself stupid in the corner of bars by himself and he looked unhappy. He used to email me telling me he missed me and still loved me, I was polite but not really interested. He stopped emailing, then friends started seeing him out with other girls and then one day he ran into me at a coffee shop and it seemed like he had been living in the gym, the guy was ripped. I added him on facebook and see a lot of girls always flirting with him on there including girls I know. I am shocked he has gone from the dotting depressed ex boyfriend to this. What's the best way to win back his heart and start dating again without looking stupid? I would also be very upset if one of the girls in my social circle try to fuck him and I fear they might. Help……

Goldie Cocks

The good news is, men can forgive. But they don't forget. If he really loved you, he may give you another chance. The other girls may be different and new to him, but sometimes a history between people can mean more than fresh meat. You can send him a real letter; not an email and tell him you are sorry and that you know for sure leaving him was a grave mistake. Mention that sometimes it takes such a stupid move to make one realize how good they had it and how grateful they should be for what they have/had, the grass always seems greener but it isn't, yadda yadda yadda. Make it short, sweet and to the point. He won't want to read a book, just one short page of how you would love to see him again. That's all you can do. Do NOT call him as you may catch him at a really bad time and that could make things worse. A letter is less threatening and gives him time to think. You may want to slip an old picture of you both into the letter to spark memories (and a few nude self portraits too of course). If he doesn't answer you, it means he's moved on and nothing can change a man's mind once he has it set. If he does start fucking around in your social circle, you just have to write it off as "the one that got away" and remember they are experiencing your left overs.

Is it true what they say that "once you go black you never go back”?

Wondering Wanda

I'm sure that rumor was created by a black man. I've seen plenty of naked black men as I am also a massage therapist by profession+ most take off their clothes.

They don't have bigger cocks than other men, it's just that the ones who do have massive dicks are in porn, hence the reputation. I've never fucked a black man (would shag Chris Rock if he wasn't married + was given the chance). Not racist at all, but I prefer light eyes on my lover (green or blue) so that narrows it down considerably for me now doesn't it?

I have been dating this girl for about 5 months, and I cannot seem to make her climax. It seems like no matter how long we go I always end up going first, and then going limp. I have never had this problem before, and am used to being told that we have to stop and not getting to jizz all over the place, then finishing the deed later by myself. I don't know what I am doing wrong with her. We try different positions and I ask her what she needs to make her get there (she is shy) and still I don't get the satisfaction of her screaming in joy from a little present that I gave to her.. Is there any way I can extend how long it takes me to cum, to be able to hold a stiff dick after I come or to loosen her up so that she climaxes' harder faster?

No-Go Jo

She needs to know how to make herself cum before she can cum with you. Ask her in a nice, calm manner, how she makes her self cum. If she says she can't, there is your answer. It's not you, it's her. If she says she can and tells you how, ask her to SHOW you how she makes herself cum. Then try to integrate that method into your fuck fest. If she doesn't know how to cum (some women just don't). Then bring her ass to the edge of the bed, kneel on some pillows and lick her clitoris as long as it takes to make her cum. Don't worry about sticking your fingers in there, just concentrate of long, firm, constant strokes with your tongue as wide as you can make it. Lick South to North and vice versa and check in with her once in a while and ask her if that's the right spot/ rhythm. Don't let up until she cums. It could take a while but if that is your goal, you have to hang in there. Make her cum first then you won't have to worry about how long it takes you. It didn't sound like she was complaining about you taking forever to cum, some girls like a long ride. Women can enjoy sex without climaxing. We don't have to climax every time to enjoy it, like most men do.

March 4, 2010

Ask Dr. Dot March 2010

Email me with your questions and I will answer back personally as soon as possible. I always change names around, so your secret is safe with me: drdot@drdot.com

I am with a new femme fatale right now and she has opened up new doors (no pun intended) of giving me pleasure through the ass.

I once thought it was the domain of gay men but I fight it most agreeable to say the least.

To stimulate my hiney she has used a variety of methods including a finger with lots of lube and a massager she applies to my taint.

Dr. Dot, this woman claims that through my sphincter hole she can reach my g-spot. Is that true?

Also, as a follow up do men have g-spots and are there alternative ways to reach them.

Thanks for your mastery on this hard matter Doctor.

I gotta go play with my taint.

Tainted Timmy

The man's prostate is pretty much the equivalent of the woman’s G-spot.
Easiest way to reach it is to lie on your back, legs up in the air and lots
of lube near by. If you don't mind a bit of pain, you can also be in the
doggy style position and let your partner take you from behind.
Have your partner explore your taint and hole with her
hopefully short fingernail fingertips. Try to relax your sphincter. They
should search for a chestnut-sized lump a couple inches
inside of your entrance. Rubbing, thrusting, pounding it all stimulate
and you just have to find out what your preference is, as when done
correctly, they can make you cum like you've never cum before.

Do you think a woman faking an Orgasm could actually be a good thing at times?
What I mean by this is by making the guy think he's doing something right, he actually
gets into the act more, and therefore faking a O could actually produce one and
make sex better for both parties? Does that make sense?

By leading the guy on, he wants to produce more, other than killing his ego at the
very beginning, where the sex has no chance of being good. I've actually faked
Orgasms recently just to get it over with because it was SOOOOO boring and
I'm a guy. How fucking hard is it to make a guy happy?

Hasty Hal

No, it is never good when people fake orgasms. We all know women do it more than
men but it's completely counter productive and full of shit. Why praise someone if
they aren't doing it right? Make them WORK for it. If a person just can't cum, they
should just say "go ahead and finish; go for it, I won't cum but I still want you to".
It is ridiculous to pretend reaching climax. Telling your partner that you've "got a
spot that gets you hot, and you ain't been to it" as Frank Zappa sang, should
actually create a challenge and in turn, make sex better for both parties. Fuck the
candy coated lies. Truth rules.

Are there extra fat dildos? The ones I have, and the ones I see online and
while browsing assorted sex shops around here just don’t have enough girth for me.
Perhaps from squeezing out one too many kids. I could never afford one of those
fancy pussy operations to that make one’s snatch tighter. Any idea where get a wide,
not long, dildo? I am not joking here. I LOVE girth.

Girthy Gail

Until “Blackzilla” (google this guy, he is Vin Diesels twin black brother?) makes a rubber replica of

his ridiculously wide cock, you could always just buy a fat cucumber, warm it up first, put condom on it and PRESTO, girth.
(Condom keeps things hygienic and smooth). Naturally you have to keep buying them
but if you are on a low budget as you insinuate, you can peel it and eat it; feed to pets
or put in compost bin after you’ve had your wicked way with it so you don’t feel
guilty for being wasteful.

I’ve been hanging out with a girl recently and we're sorta like friends / drinking partners.
We haven’t had intercourse yet but every time she gives me a hand-job (three times) and
a blowjob (twice). She covers her hands in my cum and plays with pussy for a good 5 minutes after.

She seems a genuinely nice girl but is she attempting to get pregnant or is this a ridiculous
accusation to make? please help. One major reason I haven’t whined about this to her yet is
she is my boss and the way the economy is, I am hesitant to rock the boat.

Scared Shitless

She CAN get pregnant like this, yes. Sperm can wiggle
their way up her twat and make a dash for the egg. It's not
the easiest journey but it is possible.
This is a dangerous game she is playing. She is obviously into you but dumb,
as she doesn't know you well enough to know if you have an STD or not or
if you have enough time/money/desire to become a father.
The fact she loves your spunk may be flattering, but ask yourself this:
are you ready to be a father or settle down with such a risk taker?
Tell her she can/will get pregnant if she keeps wanking off with your lube and
make sure you use a condom when/if you shag her unless you're ready take
on a lifetime commitment to a child.

I met a man last spring, we began getting intimate after a few dates that spanned
over a period of 2 months; he seemed interested, and serious about it.
After becoming intimate, he clearly showed me our relationship would only consist
in sex every other week, and that I was his booty call early in the morning – after 1 am,
after done partying with his buddies. He is 5 yrs younger (him 27, me 32).
I soon realized and stopped seeing him. He went away for the summer and we kept
in contact by messenger, on weekly basis; he wasn’t really deep, but interested on how I was doing.
This made me hope things would turn for better between us.
He came back this October, I agreed to meet him to clarify things, but we ended up having sex.
We met 3 times since his return; the 2nd time I got over my fear of finding out hurtful truth,
and asked him what's up with us, and told all my suspicions – that he's sleeping around, etc.
He confessed he is single, he's only into sex, he does it almost everyday, he runs away from
feelings, and he’s got "no time for softness"…

And last time, after a 3 weeks break he told me after we got intimate again that I should not fall
for him, as he enjoys sex too much and has lots of partners, and as to my question “what have
you done during weekend”, he did not answer as I “might not be too strong to take it”, as I have
a weakness for him. Hearing this, I suggested he stopped calling, we stopped meeting.
I am curious about that, as I can feel something keeps bringing us together.
He is protective, I wonder why.
I am mature enough to understand things and split, but I am single and keep convincing myself
I am doing it for sex only, since there's no one else in my life right now.
I wonder how you see things – what leads him to act this way in his life and with me, why am
I accepting such a relationship, why am I not stopping.

Hopeful Hannah

I feel that all boys start out soft, fall wholeheartedly and very deeply into their first love.
Once they get their heart broken, they usually harden up and never love that way again
unless they have a daughter. Not all, but most.
Some men love twice, but never as completely as that first delicate time. They close
off a part of their heart and from then on focus on their friends, job, self and that includes
satisfying themselves however they choose. That's what makes men different then
women. They can be harder and think with their heads, not
with their hearts as most women do. (Not many women found in the front lines of war).
When a guy TELLS you “not to fall for him” and/or that he “likes to fuck around with
multiple partners”, he means it. You should have listened to your little voice the first time
around when it told you to get rid of Mr. Booty Call.

Don’t let your genitals rule your life.
Sleeping with someone who is clearly using you is a sign of low self esteem unless you
REALLY only want sex with no strings attached but
from what I gather, you wish it would turn into more. This guys is obviously enjoying his
bachelorhood and should not be taken seriously. If you do keep banging him, make sure you practice safe sex, which by the way can't protect you from the nasty viruses you can get from swapping spit with a player (Mono, Hepatitis C, etc). You may enjoy the challenge of being the ONE that ties this bad boy down and makes him change, but you can NOT change people and why bother? There are probably other men around that would be happy to give you more than the occasional shag.
If you don't love yourself, feel proud of who you are, what you do and how you treat others,
how can anyone else?
Only YOU can set the boundaries as to how you are to be treated. As far as him being “protective”, well, naturally he wants to protect his booty call.
Step outside yourself + ask, "Do I deserve this crap?" No, you don't. You can't be mad at others
for using you; it’s YOUR fault if you tolerate it. Never forget that.

I just started a relationship with my ex-wife’s best friend, well now former best friend. She was in an "on again off again" relationship with my brother-in-law. It’s been a month; I have already moved in, I watch her 5 kids while she works nights. When we have sex it is awesome, mutual orgasms, everything. Sometimes I take too long reaching climax. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the sex, I'm just not ready for it to end yet. I know a lot of men would love to extend their lovemaking, but she is beginning to think that she is the problem. I can't
seem to get her to understand that my ejaculation, or delay of, is not what counts. It is the sex act itself, the closeness, and human contact. As long as I am inside her, and feeling her body against mine, I don't need anything else.
I am hopelessly in love with her. But she is not ready to settle down, she has a couple of fuck buddies, she just cannot commit right now. I am more than willing to wait for her, but I don’t have the coping skills to deal with the other man and "lady friend". I don’t want to lose my mind, but I have to be with her. What do I do?

Manny the Masochist

Perhaps you can't cum because her pussy is too loose after having 5 kids and so many fuck buddies, it must feel like fucking a can of paint.
You not being about to shoot your load may also stem from your subconscious knowing she can not commit yet, so your sperm is like "why fucking bother, there is probably other sperm up there waiting to attack us anyways!” If she is "not ready to settle down" and "has a couple fuck buddies" yet you have already moved in and started playing Mr. Mom, I need to tell you that you are WHIPPED. Grow some balls mate.
She is walking all over you. It sounds like there aren't many females to choose from in your area if you are dating your ex wife's best friend/brother-in-laws ex. Time to look outside your area, find someone with less baggage (five kids,
fuck buddies, uses you as babysitter),
Hello?! You claim you "have to be with her" yet you are putting up with so much bullshit, which shows you are lacking self-esteem and confidence. You can't change her, so either shut up and put up, or move out.

My wife and I recently had a discussion about women being able to “ejaculate” or “squirt” while having an orgasm.
Is this possible? If yes, how do I get this to happen?

Thirsty Tim-bo

There is research that claims every female is capable of squirting, but most of the time, her ejaculate shoots up
the urethra into the bladder, and she will just piss it out later on. Tests showed that similar hormones were found
in the woman's after-sex urine, which can also be found in male ejaculate.
The clit, some say, is just a tiny penis (keep than in mind when trying to make your woman cum). So, if stimulated
enough, it may just squirt, but not
all females squirt the same way. Naturally the freaky ones
end up on film, leaving people to wonder if ALL females can
squirt like a water pistol. I have personally never squirted; don’t have any female friends that own up squirting
and don't feel I am missing out on any fun. You can read more
about it here though: http://www.squirting101.com

I have supreme trust issues with my partner since I found out he lied to me about going to an erotic massage parlour.
You know the kind, where they give you a release?
Anyway, he went twice; a year ago, and a few months after that, went again. So he says nothing happened and he says he
was completely embarrassed the last time he was there and would never go again. He said he went there because he was depressed;
his father has cancer and still does. So he goes to see his father at least 5 times a week in the same town where he went to the massage parlour. It's a 20-minute drive from here. The problem is, every time he is in that town, I have anxiety and I feel as if he will be tempted to go again. If I bring it up, he screams and yells at me. Tells me I'm creating problems.
I can't help myself and want to be there for him for his father but this is driving me insane!!!! Please help.

Losing it, Linda.

The chances of one of those happy ending whores falling in love with your partner are pretty much NIL. I am not saying it’s kosher that he goes for a full release, but you can't stop him from wanting to do so. Either leave him and move on or just ignore what he does when he leaves the house. As I have said a few times already in the past, the more fuss you make about a man's wandering eye/cock/body, the more enticing the object of his desire becomes. If THAT is the only crime in your relationship he commits, let it roll right off you. If he pisses you off in many other areas, time to walk.

Simply stop mentioning it, no matter how tempting, as it makes you look extremely jealous, insecure and turns you into the nosy nag.
People who are busy and fulfilled in their lives don't have time to snoop and nit pick. If you really love them and don't want to move on, try some role-playing and surprise him once in a while and dress as a sexy nurse and give him a sponge bath,
massage then a very happy ending.

I am a traveling business man and am now faced with a
love triangle from hell. Thing is, I left my blackberry
out on the desk one night and my fiancé' (been dating
her for over 10 years) found it, snooped and called who
I call my "new love". I met new love a year ago and see
her when I travel. She is my dream girl and could not
be happier with her. Old love called new love and told
her who she was, about our engagement etc. and then new
love emailed me next day saying things like "I don't
even know who you are anymore! Move on, liar!" etc. I
tried to apologize and explain but she is ignoring me.
How can I get her back? I am going out of my mind. I
don't want to lose her!

Frantic Fred

Forget it Fred. New love will never forgive and forget.
I understand HOW it happened but still, women do not
put up with that crap. I am sure the old love will be
more forgiving and just dismiss it as a passing phase;
a fling, but new love will never trust you again. Either
leave old love and make your heart truly free for another
love that may cross your path, or try and patch things up
with old love and either shit or get off the pot. You
aren't doing anyone any favors by keeping them on a string.

I'm a 29-year-old woman, frustrated and disgusted because after
I go on a few dates with a man, he expects unprotected oral sex
from me, and I am only comfortable doing this with a monogamous,
tested partner as I know HIV and other STDs can be transmitted
from oral. When he pressures me and I say: "I love doing that, but
I wait until I'm in a relationship" I never hear from him after wards.
Nobody I know realistically uses condoms for oral sex, so I hold off
until testing/monogamy. My question is: Is there a way to communicate
this request to a new partner in a way that doesn't turn him off?
I'm starting to despise men and don't want to, but I wonder if I have
to compromise my health and peace of
mind to get a boyfriend. Thank you for your help.

Angry Alicia

Although you can get STD's from giving oral sex, the chances
of getting HIV from oral sex are slim (unless you have a huge
open wound in our mouth and/or he has one on his cock and
blood and personal fluids get the chance to co-mingle).
A man who expects unprotected oral sex after a few dates
is probably not the type of man you are looking to be in
a relationship with anyways, so they are doing you a favor
by showing you their sloppy, impatient side. Rather than me
giving you good lines to use like "I'd love to, but I have
no clue where that thing has been", I will just suggest
using your head when it comes to dating.

Take things slower
and oral sex shouldn't even come up for a couple months if he
has a serious relationship with you in mind. So in reality,
it's no work at all, just see what he does and listen to what
he says. If he respects you and treats you like a lady, when
time goes by, you will both know each other well enough to
go get tested together. As I said before, if they are in
such a hurry just to get their cock sucked, they can just
keep walking until they find a loose woman/man/machine who
will be willing to take it all, bareback. Never forget, the best
things in life are worth waiting for (wine, oral, cheese).

Seeing as how I love older women (I just can't relate to the
younger ones. I quickly get bored conversing with them)
every time I try to make a move on an older lady I get the
same old line (I’m too old for you) even if she's like 24 (I’m 21 now)
what would you suggest to make the older ladies I don't know yet,
take me more seriously?
I can't stand hitting on younger girls. Either I feel guilty or just
plain stupid. Ever since I saw Marisa Tomei in ‘The Wrestler’ I've
been on the jones for older bones, so to speak. Well, if you can't help me,
no one can.

Randy Rory

First you have to put yourself in the Cougar's environment.
Avoid hanging out where really young girls gather (lame
dance clubs, house parties, or where ever else it is that
you keep meeting girls your age. Cocktail bars, bars in
general, take a cooking class, post an ad on craigslist
and be specific about liking older women and sign up on
this web site: http://www.cougared.com if you find it hard
to meet an older babe in public. You could also look for
jobs as a handy man, as many older single women need help
around their house, and who knows, maybe in their bedroom
as well. Try not to talk about age. If a girl asks you
your age, say "Sweetheart, I'm old enough to drink, join the army
and procreate", “Old enough to appreciate you”, "How old do you
think I am?" or my favorite "Old enough to hate that question".
Don't even get into a conversation about why you prefer older women,
just go for the older women and avoid talking about age all together.
Just make it clear you enjoy being with HER and leave it at that.

Like you, I am a massage therapist. One of my clients
comes in once a month for a 90-minute rub down and he is absolutely
gorgeous. He has been coming to me for over a year now and we talk a
lot during the massage (he starts it, not me) but it would be very
unprofessional of me to flirt with him and even if he did like me, he would
probably be afraid to ask in such an environment. Our chats do get personal
and he complains about a girl he has been dating. He is fed up with her and
I want to be next in line. How would I go about wording that, or finding out
if he is interested in me or just being friendly? Waiting around for a man
to ask me out in the city may take forever. I am good looking by the way but very choosy
about whom I date. "won't you please, please help me?"

Maggie Mae

A great way to find out if a man thinks of you as just a friend or has love/sex
on his mind is to ask him if he has
any single male friends he can introduce you to. Make sure you do it in person,
not over the phone, and then you can watch his facial expressions. He will
instantly have a 'fucking miserable' look on his face if he secretly wants you
for himself. He may snap back fast and say "um, well, let me think about it" or
just come out and say "why would I want to give you away to anyone else when I
want you". Either way, you will find out fast.

I am sexually aroused by the smell of woman's farts, and yes I am serious. I
know I am not the only one because their are websites and porn’s made just for that.
But, I was wondering if you ever knew of anybody else who liked farts sexually?
and what are your thoughts on it?

Fart-Fan Frank

*Note: This is exactly the sort of question that makes people ask, "do you make
up some of those questions?” It is flattering that one thinks I have such a
vivid imagination and so much free time but I don't. They are real.
I am sure many women would feel comfortable around you knowing they never have
to hold back (well, except when they aren't in the mood for sex- then they may
just have to hold it in). Smell is really important for mating mammals and
if you don't like a partners smell, you know, breath, sweat, farts, overall scent,
then they are NOT the one for you but this is a rare fetish probably stemming back to
your childhood when your baby sitter would fart around you or something. Yes, I have
seen the Fart Fetish Forum but no one seems to come up with a good explanation
as to WHY they like the farts- just talk about farting, no answers. I am
sorry I am finally at a loss for words; all I can do is cut one at this point in your
honor.

I have a question is it possible for me to be affected by the spring weather like a teenage boy in heat?
Ever since this nice weather has set in I cant get a few ex-lovers off my mind I dream of the and many women I haven't met. Women on the street and in stores have caught my eye I feel as if I've hit puberty once again and I don’t remember it being this bad. I am in my second marriage and she is queen and I feel like I am disrespecting her with all this. I don’t know how to deal with this any advice for a horny schoolboy.

Horny Harold

What about that song from John Lee-Hooker “every girl I see, is lookin’ good to me”?
Don't be so hard on yourself. It is totally normal and natural. Not only are we all in a better mood when it is sunny out, but the physical side to all of this is that sunlight is absorbed through your eye's retina.
Sunlight slows down the production of melatonin in our body, which produces hormones that suppress your sex drive. (Melatonin helps us sleep but kills our sex drive). You produce more melatonin in winter and less in summer when there are longer days and hence, more sun.

This is why everyone feels hornier in sunny weather (and is why states/countries that have loads of sun are more promiscuous than in colder areas).

SO, even though you are happily married, it is not against the law to think sexy thoughts about other people and let the sun make you horny. That's the great thing about our minds, no one can tell us what to think or when to think it. Controlling your actions is a different story though. Nothing wrong with letting your imagination go wild while making love to your spouse now is there?

February 10, 2010

Ask Dr. Dot Feb. 2010

Feel free to email me your questions. Don't be shy, I ALWAYS change senders name to keep their dirty little secrets private:

drdot@drdot.com

I’m four months pregnant, happy and healthy. Thing is, I have trouble getting & staying wet
before and during sex. I’ve tried lubes and they help but they’re so greasy and it turns my
boyfriend off when I apply lube. He thinks he does not arouse me because I’m not getting
wet like I used to. I am turned on but maybe pregnancy makes me dry. He always gives me
oral before we have sex to get me wet but I always get dry before we finish. It’s frustrating me.
Please let me know of any products that aren’t greasy, yet safe or if you know of any techniques to help us.
Knocked up & Frisky

Perhaps your subconscious is drying out your snatch; a little voice in the back of your head
suggesting that having sex while pregnant is bad. Find that little voice and gag it. A lot of
women get extra horny while pregnant; the combo of having bigger breasts, extra hormones and
not having to worry about getting pregnant usually sets them on fire. If you are having problems
already at 4 months, it may get worse so you need to make it clear, verbally, to your BF that he does turn you on and you need his cock or you'll go crazy. Get some “K-Y natural feeling liquid personal lubricant" and after he do his best orally, and you start to dry up, have him playfully drizzle some lube on your pussy; make it fun, tell him "pour some lube on my thirsty twat babe". Rather than trying to ignore the situation, bring it right out into the open and make it fun. Give him plenty of head to keep him happy and everything should be fine.

Q.

I am 23 years old and have been dating an 18-year-old girl for a few months. I popped her
cherry the first month we were together and since then she has gone from clingy, to
psycho. I used to call her and court her, but now she doesn't give me the chance. She
is all over me like a rash to the point where I want out. When I try to pull away, she throws
a massive fit and threatens to kill herself. She cries, pulls her hair out and even cuts herself.
If I leave and she does kill herself, I will have to live with that guilt forever. If I stay, I am
suffocated in every way. She makes me feel obligated to stay with her forever because I
took her virginity.
Poppa Cherry

This emotional blackmail has got to stop. Find
a way to contact her parents/best friend/relative that she admires
and listens to most and arrange a private meeting. Explain the situation
and tell them she needs help and you need an exit. Write her a letter and
tell her you care about her but want to be single to concentrate on your life,
as most 23 year olds (and 18 year olds!) do. If you feel that isn't strong enough,
tell her you have doubts about your sexuality and have met a guy that you have
feelings for. Telling her you are gay is an easy way out. You can't argue with
that. Then stop all contact with her as any form of communication with just lead her
on and prolong the agony for both of you. Lesson learned, popping cherries is fun,
but seldom worth the drama that usually comes with it.

I meet (and bed) women easily but I've been having trouble getting
off with them lately. I concentrate so hard on pleasing them that I end up having
to finish myself off. Now, I don't mind it if I'm getting the woman off but they seem to get frustrated that they can't bring me to cum, and eventually leave me. Help.

Rage against her Machine

Nice to hear you are putting out such efforts to please women. Try to avoid wanking
24 hours before you jump in bed with a lady. A nice goal would be to get to know one girl so
well that you know how and when she will end up cuming, then try to climax together.
Or make her cum, and then have her suck on you (or your favorite means) until you shoot your load.
If they just came, I don't see why they give a fuck how or when you get yours.
Tell her it turns you on to wank off onto her breasts or at worst, tell her you spent so much
energy making her cum you are too tired to cross the finish line. In the end, you will know it's the
right girl when (1) you can still cum with her or after her (2) she doesn't fucking mind what you do, as long as she is with you.

I’m in a relationship, all is good. BUT, my girlfriend has been out of town for about 2 months and my ex girlfriend, who I chat with online periodically asked me over for tea. Well, I had a good meal and ended up getting rid of a nagging 2-month dry spell. I really don’t have feelings for her in a relationship kind of sense, I was just sexually frustrated and my ex was in for the kill from the get go. I guess I just let the wrong “head,” think for me. In the morning we had another round. I’ve never cheated before and don’t intend on doing it again as I feel like a complete cunt. I doubt she would understand but oh the guilt. Should I tell her?

Randy Ralf

Do NOT confess your infidelity to your girlfriend. It may free you of guilty feelings but it will
crush her and ruin the relationship. Everyone makes mistakes. Hopefully it
was a safe-sex kind of mistake but if not, go have yourself checked out and use condoms
for a while with your girlfriend so you don't harm her (tell her you have an urinary tract infection).
Every one gets "super horny" and you aren't married, so you won't burn in hell, you will just have a guilty complex for a while which could in turn, make you more grateful for your girlfriends love which may even enhance your relationship. Twisted, I know, but you are not the first person to have a fling and you won't be the last. Just keep it to yourself no matter what as what one doesn't know, won't hurt them (at least mentally/emotionally).

January 2, 2010

Ask Dr. Dot Jan. 2010

Q.

I have been going out with this 28yr old designer/film maker for 10 months. I am 31.
Generally, he is good. Met his family, his friends,etc. Pretty consistent guy.

He cares for me, but whenever we hang out lately, he is always coming from somewhere,
like he'll be at a friends or meeting with a buddy at a bar. I told him my time is valuable and
I don't want to be the dumbass waiting for him. He doesn't really get it, but I just been writing
it off like he is social and 'you take the good with the bad'.
Last night, he did that again- I was waiting at his Manhattan apt. WHILE I was there, I found a list of yoga questions (I am a yoga instructor) for a film idea. Like 'how much do they make' is there sex involved ever' , 401k? what percentage are wanna be actors? how long is the career of a yoga instructor.. A whole long typed up list by him. .. very bazaar.
So I called him and asked him. He stuttered, and said 'oh where did you find that.. ?'
yo, that shit is weird.

You had to see the questions. it makes me feel he is either mocking me
or using me for a film idea! I feel so duped. It was clearly something behind my back; he played it off like it was something he is working on that he is going to talk to me about. In my heart, I don't believe him.

THEN, I asked where are you – WITH A BUDDY AT a bar!!!! He knows I hate that. Needless to say, we shouted, he got defensive, I got upset. He got very explosive about me finding the questions and then questioning his whereabouts. I went home. He called 4 times that night; I didn't pick up.

I never want to talk to him again. Besides being out with his buddy while I am waiting for him,
what are those questions about?? (He is a wanna -be producer).

What do you think?

Sulky Susan

If he is "good" and "consistent" and you've met his friends and family AND he trusts you
in his flat while he isn't home, it means he is into you and not such a bad guy. It seems
to me you are a bit jaded about men and are looking for mistakes; a reason to bolt.
The Yoga list could have been something he was going to ask you about, for his script,
but you act like it was a list of hookers he owes money to. Not trying to take sides, but
he is ONLY 28, which is young; young enough to still want to hang with buddies in a
bar. You are also in a big city; you can't expect men in big cities to put blinders on and
put all of their focus onto you. The fact you had to call him and ask where he is means
there is something wrong. You should agree upon a time and meet some where mutual,
not at his home, waiting like a dog, or worse, his MOM. You're never going to find a perfect man;

but if you want one that will be more attentive, you may have to date an
older man who has been through the wringer a few times and prefers nights at home
to nights in the pub with his mates. But again, no man is perfect. If the only thing this guy
was doing wrong was keeping you waiting (in my eyes that is your fault; make a time and
meet somewhere besides your flats to keep the passion of dating alive) and meeting with
friends (at least he's not meeting with bitches) and his mysterious list (you should NEVER
snoop- a man either loves you madly or he doesn't) then I say pick up the phone when he
calls and don't even mention the bitchfest; just pretend it never happened and from now
on he has to meet you at a restaurant or a cocktail bar to woo you, instead of just wooing his
mates. When you rang him to nag and ask where is he, you could have said "I am busy shaving
my pussy and was just wondering should I shave it all off or leave a landing strip?" and he
would have RAN home. Games; men live for them.

Q.
I have been with my fiance for about 3 years but always on and off.
We just got back together on the 2nd of December and the first time
I even got to see him was on the 27th of December.He lives with his
mom he just turned 18 and has no job which he always says he is
looking for one which i know is a lie. I found messages on one of his
online sites he goes to and he keeps calling all these other girls hot
and sexy and told his ex when me and him were fighting that he
was sorry he left her and he wanted to make it up to her but of course
he was a total a-hole when he left her and she didn't respond but
instead sent me a email telling me about so i asked him and he said
no i didnt someone has my password and is "hacking" into my account
and sending messages to other people. Well obviously he was lying i
know but i still believed him cause i love him. When i try to get him
to come here he says he will leave a note for his mom to wake him up
but he is always high when he says that and i barely get to talk to
him anymore because he is either out partying with his friends or
down at his friends house getting high all the time and i dont know
what to do i love him but i cant stand him always being high or
drunk and he lies to me all the time so please tell me what to do…

Livid Lisa

A.
The biggest lies here are the ones you keep telling yourself. You lie
to yourself "he loves me, he is just high/sleeping/busy" when you
know dam well he is a lying loser. First of all he is ONLY 18!!! People
never know what the hell they want at that age!! Engaged? PLEASE!
Give me a break. You are both too young ( I assume you are around
his age) for such a commitment. Potheads are procrastinators; they
never get anything done and guess what? He will probably STILL live
with his Mom in ten years. You are wasting your time with him; he
is obviously a player; which is normal at his age. Let him enjoy his
youth, other girls, grass etc, but you should too. Enjoy your youth
as you will only have it ONCE. Do not put up with guys who treat
you badly in any way. Once you decide to demand respect, boys like
him will clearly be losers in your eyes and that will make things easier.
Just stop contacting him, cut all ties and move ON!!!!!

After 10 years of drooling at my mother in laws sexy feet and wanting to play with them I finally
got to rub her feet the other night. My wife was asleep and me and MIL were downstairs watching TV.
I had a few beers through the day so my courage was up.
She way lying on our couch and slipped her shoes off and I sat there looking at her
sexy pedicure. After a few minutes I could not stand it any longer. I sat next to her feet and started rubbing them.
I played with her toes, rubbed her soles, I covered every centimeter of her luscious feet.
She never resisted and let me do what I wanted. I got horny and was erect. She never said a word, but I could tell
she was enjoying it and maybe to the point it turned her on –I’m not sure.
I wanted to kiss her feet and suck her toes but I did not go that far. Would it be a mistake to take this any further?
I want to have sex with her and I am not sure if she would. But, I want you're opinion if you think its a
possibility she got horny from me playing with her feet?

Gilf Feet Fan

I am sure it excited her. Foot massage, when done correctly, are a huge turn on.
If you really love your wife and want to keep her, just stick to massaging your Mother in Laws feet once in a while, which could already be disturbing enough to your wife (you may want to ask your wife permission to massage her mom's feet, but make SURE you massage your wife's feet too- just tell her you LOVE to massage feet).
If you don't give a toss about your wife and feel her Mother is the woman of your dreams and are sure the feeling is mutual, then go for it, but know if you leave your wife for her Mom, you will be destroying two relationships, rather than the standard one, when a spouse leaves a marriage for another. You could always just keep the fantasy in your head and use it to enhance sex with your wife. Many people in relationships have fantasies, but we can't always have what/whom we want. Is a sexual thrill enough to make you throw it all away?
That is the question you have to ask yourself, as only you can answer it.

Because I was previously in a long-term relationship, I decided to get an IUD for birth control because I'm unable to take the pill (gives me migraines). Now I'm single again, and concerned about having sex if I start dating someone. Obviously I'd want to use a condom, but since the IUD has strings that aren't exactly soft, I'm worried they could tear the condom and make it useless in terms of having safe sex.
I heard you should only have it if you're in a monogamous relationship, so do you think I should have it removed? (I'm not currently sexually active, and haven't thus far had more than one sexual partner at a time).

Contraceptive Connie

I would have it removed. Not only could it increase the chances of you getting lazy
with a new partner "ah go ahead, I can't get pregnant, I have an IUD" after a few
glasses of wine, but they increase chances of infection, make new partners wonder
(1) What the fuck is that fishing wire doing in her twat-it hurts my cock (that is if you
are lucky enough to find one who has a willy that long) (2) Is she really that sexually
active that she always has an IUD inserted?.
I am certain the string wouldn’t puncture a condom but it's always best to stay on the safe side.
Not a fan of the IUD anyways as it alters the fluids in the Uterus and fallopian tubes, which reduces the chances for fertilization. The "Nuva ring" is better, but again, you need to use condoms unless you are in a monogamous, tested and tried, relationship. If you find yourself
in one, and feel safe to toss the condoms, try the Nuva Ring instead, the IUD is nothing
but drama.

I’m in a relationship, all is good. BUT, my gf has been out of town for about 2 months and my ex gf, who I chat with online periodically asked me over for dinner. Well, I had a good dinner and ended up getting rid of a nagging 2-month dry spell. I really don’t have feelings for her in a relationship kind of sense, I was just sexually frustrated and my ex was in for the kill from the get go. I guess I just let the wrong “head,” think for me. In the morning we had another round. I’ve never cheated before and don’t intend on doing it again as I feel like a complete cunt. I doubt she would understand but oh the guilt. Should I tell her?

Randy Ralf

Do NOT confess your infidelity to your girlfriend. It may free you of guilty feelings but it will
crush her and ruin the relationship. Everyone makes mistakes. Hopefully it
was a safe sex kind of mistake but if not, go have yourself checked out and use condoms
from now on with your girlfriend so you don't harm her (tell her you have an urinary tract infection).
Every one gets "super horny" and you aren't married, so you won't burn in hell, you will just have a
guilty complex for a while which could in turn, make you more grateful for your girlfriends love which
may even enhance your relationship. Twisted, I know, but you are not the first person to have a fling and you
won't be the last. Just keep it to yourself no matter what as what one doesn't know, won't
hurt them (at least mentally/emotionally).

Do you think there's a direct correlation between mental illness and abnormal
penis size? The formula seems to go as follows: guy with big dick = guy with more issues
than a yearly subscription to Sports Illustrated.
Okay, it's just a hypothesis, but the extra girth seems to be accompanied by a
headful of bad wiring and a serious need for some sort of medication — be it
the legal variety or otherwise.
We're not talking about your garden variety chronic asshole syndrome — but
walking train-wrecks who can't maintain relationships (of any sort) to save
their lives. An asshole can always find other assholes to commiserate with
(other wise how else would they get cops to ride around in squad cars together
for eight hours) but these other guys are pretty much all alone in the world.
Which is not to say they're deserving of our sympathy (they're not.) But I
digress…
Curious George

You are correct George but how do you know so much about Cock size anyways?
Sadly, somewhere a long the line, a lover told the man with
girth, how wonderful he is, how perfect he and his monster cock are,
that he can do no wrong and POOF, an egomaniac is born. Not completely different
to a beautiful girl with gigantic naturally big tits. These folks are blessed
with extra large "licenses to kill" so to speak. Why fuck just one when EVERYONE
wants a ride on your big fat cock? This is how they think. They watch porn and
think, "hey, that's me! I am special, I'm built like a brick shit house and I
deserve to have an attitude".
They usually end up with a complex, knowing that they are treated extra special
because of their ridiculously large dick. It's a vicious cycle. They love their
big dick, but know deep inside they wouldn't get away with half the shit they
dish out if they had a small one. They mentally torture their lover as they
silently think "she/he only loves me for my big fat tool". They end up making
people beg to fuck them instead of giving it away like most normal horny males.
Big cocks are WONDERFUL, but they are usually attached to an overly insecure or
overly confident DICK. There’s even a web site http://www.lpsg.org/ that offers support
for men with large penises, sigh.

November 29, 2009

Ask Dr. Dot November 2009

Please feel free to send me your questions anytime. I always change the names around, so no one except me, will know your dirty little secrets. Email them to me at: drdot@drdot.com

I meet (and shag) women easily but I've been having trouble getting
off with them lately….sometimes I do, but more often than not I concentrate so hard on
pleasing them that I end up having to finish myself off. Now, I don't mind it if I'm getting the
woman off but they seem to get frustrated that they can't bring me to cum, and eventually leave me.
What do I do?

Rage against their Machines

Nice to hear you are putting out such efforts to please women. Try to avoid wanking
24 hours before you jump in bed with a lady. A nice goal would be to get to know one girl so
well that you know how and when she will end up cuming, then try to climax together.
Or make her cum, then have her suck on you (or your favorite means) until you shoot your load.
If they just came, I don't see why they give a fuck how or when you get yours.
Tell her it turns you on to wank off onto her breasts or at worst, tell her you spent so much
energy making her cum you are too tired to cross the finish
line. In the end, you will know it's the right girl when (1) you can still cum with her or after her (2) she doesn't fucking mind what you do, as long as she is with you .

I am currently seeing this 28year old – I'm 31. It's been 9 months. I know all his friends, his parents,
and he wants to see me, calls, etc..
We have had a few dramas – what beauties – but in the end we worked thru it and we keep moving forward.
We are both fireballs and a little stubborn – him more than me, but he is patient and forgiving. We are both 'catches'.
The problem: he is not verbal at all – but when I mention it, he does try to correct it. There is very little talk of future.
I asked him over dinner if he saw me in his future and he said “yes”, and that he “doesn't waste time”.
Is the non-verbal thing ok, if he is showing in other ways? Should I stay in this and keep flowing or change it by breaking up? Part of me thinks maybe he'll never be ready.

Ms. Stay or go

You asked a question I would personally never, ever ask a man: "do you see us sharing a future?". That is a waste of breath
and shows them you are insecure and aiming at putting pressure on them. He said "yes, I don't waste time". This should have
made you feel really confident, but you are still questioning the relationship. You seem to be looking for a way out, in my opinion. Love doesn't come with insurance and all we have is today. You can not ensure a future with anyone.
You can get hit by a car; he could die of cancer. Just chill and enjoy the present with
this man who seems to really love you (you met his parents, friends, he verbalized seeing you in his future).
So what he isn't verbal? If you want verbal, date a woman.

I need another Dr. Dot pep talk.
Got rid of that first asswipe this past fall…while on the rebound found
another guy.
He suffers from depression, obsessive compulsive and ADD….One day he's hot,
the next cold.
One day he's in love with me, the next he totally abandons me. It's like a game
for him. He loves it when I come crying back. He's sent me into such a state of depression with all of his problems that I started antideperssants for the first time in my life.
I've done so much for this person….helped him and his kids out in so many
ways. I just can't go on with his split personalities (I truly think that's what
it is). It's wearing me out completely. He's starting to make me feel nuts. On a
side note….he can essentially be classifed in the 'white trash' catagory which
is something that I normally wouldn't fall for…however, I was hurting/rebound.
I'm having a hard time letting go…for no reason, yesterday, for the 10th time
in the past 3 months he dumped me again.

Scorned Suzy

I too took anti depressants ONE time because
of a moody ex. I luckily got so ill off them that first time, I had to go to the emergency room
and get an iV.
He probably knows you are too good for him and rejects you over and over again.
This is a test for your soul: how much shit are you going to take? How much low will you go?
You need to pass the test and show fate that you love yourself enough to walk away from people
who treat you badly. If YOU don't love yourself, how do you expect anyone else to? Make
borders from now on;
limits to what you will and won't put up with and stand by them no matter what.
Do not call this wacky cunt back and ignore any attempts he makes to reach you
and you will pass the test and your confidence will start to soar, bit by bit. We ALLOW
people to treat us bad, so you can't blame them if you allow it.

I know this might sound selfish but please help me out, I have going out with this guy
and he decided to go back to his mother’s child, the problem I can not get him out of
my mind is blowing me off so badly I can even concentrate, I can’t just cope I even go
to the extent of driving pass near their house incase he I see him. I tried to get him off
my mind but it comes back so heavily on me that I cry uncontrollably. I thought time
was the best healer but it does work for me I’m just madly in love

Crazy in Luv

It's not "selfish" it's foolish. "Madly in love", key word being MAD, as in crazy.
Love can make us crazy. Think with your head for a minute and you will see it's insane
to pine after someone who doesn't want you anymore.
It's over, he made his choice, you need to really just move on.
No one likes to be left; to lose, but it happens sometimes.
You can not make him come back; what will be, will be. Start taking good care of yourself; working out, eating healthy
and sleeping properly and keep as busy as you can so you can dump that needy feeling
the will surely turn off any new guys. Listen to as much Frank Zappa music as you
can get your hands on; he makes fun of love and heart break and what you really
need now, is a good laugh.

I just met someone 1 week in a half ago and he's really cool. The thing is that he said
he was single but admitted he had been seeing a girl like dating for over a year but
it wasn't exclusive. I don't believe him cause I know men will say anything to get with
a girl but I also give him the benefit of the doubt. He started text messaging me the
same day we met and then a few days later started to call me to chat and stuff but it
has been a week and change and he hasn't even asked me out. The weekend came
and he said nothing.

I have been unavailable when he asked to see me the other day just to say to say "hi",
of course cause i don't want be too available for him, and also because he asked to
see me for one minute to give me a kiss and a hug and I feel that I can get a kiss and
a hug from my grandma or Mom or dad and quite frankly don't feel that he has even
earned that much. If I accustom him to just do that he'll think I would settle for just that.
Hell probably think IM worth just a drive or a hello in front of my house!!lol. Anyway
I know its only been a week and a few days but he should be trying to get to know
me impress me wine and dine me if he's interested… Atleast go out for drinks.
He's always complimenting me and when he asked to see me the me other day
i brushed him off and a few min after we hung up he text messaged me telling me
he was outside and if it was possible to see me just for one min.. he appeared in
front of my house before i even answered anything lol… i haven't kissed him or
anything and i really like him but i don't know if he likes me that much or if its just that
he does have a relationship with that girl… I just don't know if I should continue
getting to know him or just drop this…?????

Shaky Sandra

"a few min after we hung up he text messaged me telling me
he was outside and if it was possible to see me just for one min.. he appeared in
front of my house " ????

uh, can you stay "stalker"? He sounds like a pushy, creepy, lying
player to me, ew.

October 14, 2009

Ask Dr. Dot October 2009

Please feel free to email me your questions. I answer every email personally. Don't worry, I always change the names around, so no one will know your questions or secrets. Dr. Dot drdot@drdot.com

I'm married for 5 years; we've been together for about 15. Two kids, happy. The thing is that I don't like sex.

I could literally go for the rest of my life without it and be fine with that. For a while I thought it was just him that I wasn't
attracted to, but even in between our dating, I was like that with EVERY guy.
I'm not a lesbian; women don’t turn me on that way. I get turned on by men,
but don't like sex. Goes back to Endometriosis and pain I had a hysterectomy at 28,
but still don’t like sex. I love and adore my husband. He's sexy but due to my lack of sex drive, our sex life is slacking.

I haven't yet said anything to him, but I feel bad about it and wouldn't be completely objected to him
sleeping with someone else just to get that part of him satisfied. In that past I would
have NEVER dreamed of oral sex, but over the past year or two, I've been doing it occasionally
just to get out of having sex. Sure, I have to stop every few seconds to stop myself
from gagging or throwing up. But I still do it. Also, I still refuse to receive it.
This CAN'T be normal?"
Honest Housewife

I know a few women like this. I am not saying it’s normal, but it's not rare either.
Remember Bill and Hilary? You have two kids already and are not opposed to him getting his jollies elsewhere, so you know what you like and what you don't like.
However, if he does have sex with others, there may be a chance he’ll love the sex, gets used to it again, and may end up changing waterfalls, so to speak. MANY women fuck/suck their men just to shut them up (which is sad ) so you’re not alone. Perhaps I am a freak but I think knowing you HAVE to do it, is a turn off, hence marriage can be a catch 22 situation. You marry for love, but the pressure of routine kills the passion. It's best to be honest with yourself and your partner and put all of your cards on the table and see what he says.
It may even make you wet; being completely honest, to the point where you
just don't give a fuck about the consequences, can be so enlightening, that it's a turn
on. Who knows, it may just flip your switch back on.

Q.
My penis is 1 inch when floppy; 2 when hard. I’m only 14 and I have heard it
will grow when you get older but it has been this way since my balls have dropped.
I was about to get a blow job; when I pulled my pants down, she laughed and told
the whole school. I really want it to grow to at least average size so that I
won't have to be afraid to show it off when I am asked to. Help.
The Angry Inch

A.
You have to accept that you’ll never have a monster cock, but you can make it a tad
bigger by using it as much as you can, be it by wanking or screwing. Like I’ve
said in the past, it’s similar to any other muscle; the more you exercise
it, the stronger (and bigger) it will grow. You should learn to be an expert
at giving foot massages and licking pussy, that will be your secret weapon. Making
the ladies laugh will also help them over look any "short" comings you have. Asian
girls have the tightest pussies (um, I’ve been told) so maybe gravitate towards them,
they may even think of your tiny tool as hard to handle. Ps. Does your mom know you read my column?

Q.
I have been married for 13 years. In the beginning, as with most couples,
sex was frequent and fulfilling. Frequency diminished over the years, yet it
was always fulfilling. 3 years ago, during sex, my husband had a heart attack.
An ambulance rushed him to the hospital. That was the last time we had sex.
I have tried to be understanding and thankful he is still alive, yet I need
to have sex. He claims that all sexual desire is now gone. I do realize he is frightened
about what happened, but how can someone totally lose ALL desire? He definitely
doesn’t have a girlfriend, nor masturbate.
I suggested that we just fool around and not have sex. I have made
offers to have a girlfriend join us, one of his biggest fantasies. I have even
masturbated when we go to bed, trying to "guilt" him into touching me.
To no avail. My sex drive is like that of a 17 year old boy. I masturbate, at least,
twice a day. I’m dying here. How can I help him regain sexual desire?

Camarillo Brillo

A.
Dr. Phil and Ophra would probably tell you do drag him to an expensive marriage
counselor that would take ages and may or may not work but would certainly take
a private, sensitive subject and make it even more sensitive & turn a passionate,
spontaneous ritual into an annoying chore for him. How about going away for the
weekend, camping or staying at a hotel and just go down on him in the shower.
I think your bedroom and that bed will always remind him of almost dying in your
pussy. You need to change the surroundings before even attempting to shag him again.
If none of that works, come right out and tell him you need sex and he should
either fuck you or give you permission to fuck someone else (he can watch?) or
you may end up cheating without his knowledge or leaving him all together. A hungry
pussy should never go to waste.
Ps. maybe you and the “Honest Housewife” should
trade spouses every weekend.

I have been here in NYC for 4 years and am like many others, not from here originally.
However, at 36, I am older than the average new immigrant. I am also black,
well-educated and traveled, have good social skills and am employed. (Read, "not of the young and tragically hip")

In the last 3 years, I have had plenty of sex, and a couple of long-term lovers with whom I have enjoyed more than time in bed.
But, once I decided I wanted to look for more, my search has yielded nothing. I haven't yet met anyone with whom I am mutually
attracted and who also has an interest in a long-term relationship. I am not too picky: cute, smart, funny, mature, and sexually confident
can't be too much to ask for someone in my age group, right?

I do the dating sites regularly, meet people constantly, and can even count a number of my former dates among my pool of friends.
But in the last month alone, the number of married or partnered men who answer my ad suggesting an affair has been depressing.
(I'm not a moralist about it, just not interested.) And the number of single people I meet who believe asking for a 2nd date 3
weeks after the first is staggering. (And, just for clarification, those are not sex dates.)
I am tired of being single! I want a partner! I have been reading your column faithfully, and it seems that your overall assertion is
that Manhattan is not the place for partner-minded people.
Surely there are strategies or gathering sites for we similarly afflicted people even in the city of the Swingin' Singles?
Or should I seriously consider a(nother) move?

Somebody to Love, Sadie

Big cities all have one thing in common:
The masses of people/oportunities make it difficult to concentrate on just one person; one relationship. It's easier in the suburbs
and country to find a partner to settle down with, simply because there are less people to choose from and less going on.
Big cities like NYC are crawling with sexy young singles and although it's an aphrodisiac, it can also be torture for
monogamous minded peeps. Unless you are willing
to move to a small town and start over, I suggest placing ads and being VERY specific about your needs.
I placed an ad for a girlfriend a few years ago, just for fun. I wrote it for her as she was too shy.
I was really blatant in the ad, stating "Sexy, Single woman wants generous, nonsmoking, relationship
minded man. Send pics if you want a reply". She got over 50 replies and on the 3rd date she met her current husband/father
of their child. They are still together and that was 9 years ago. There IS love in Manhattan; there's just too much of it.
You have to be more aggressive when courting a long term love here as the hetero men have the advantage of being outnumbered
by women (and gay males) two times over, which leaves the single women very few single, straight men to choose from.
So, either be more specific in your ads, turn “bi” to increase your chances or stop looking all together, as if you've given up;
and love may sneak up on you (a watched pot never boils) or move to a smaller city, one where meeting people is a
bit easier as Nyc, the city of fun,
will never change, it loves to be "single, but dating".

I am currently seeing this 28 year old – I'm 31. It's been 9 months. I know all his friends, his parents,
and he wants to see me, calls, etc..
We have had a few dramas – what beauties – but in the end we worked thru it and we keep moving forward.
We are both fireballs and a little stubborn – him more than me, but he is patient and forgiving. We are both 'catches'.
The problem: he is not verbal at all – but when I mention it, he does try to correct it. There is very little talk of future.
I asked him over dinner if he saw me in his future and he said “yes”, and that he “doesn't waste time”.
Is the non-verbal thing ok, if he is showing in other ways? Should I stay in this and keep flowing or change
it by breaking up? Part of me thinks maybe he'll never be ready.

Ms. Stay or go

You asked a question I would personally never, ever ask a man: "do you see us sharing a future?". That is a waste of breath
and shows them you are insecure and aiming at putting pressure on them. He said "yes, I don't waste time". This should have
made you feel really confident, but you are still questioning the relationship. You seem to be looking for a way out,
in my opinion. Love doesn't come with insurance and all we have is today. You can not ensure a future with anyone.
You can get hit by a car; he could die of cancer. Just chill and enjoy the present with
this man who seems to really love you (you met his parents, friends, he verbalized seeing you in his future).
So what he isn't verbal? If you want verbal, date a woman.