column – Dr. Dot's Blog

February 6, 2011

Ask Dr. Dot February 2011

Free Love, Sex and Relationship advice: drdot@drdot.com

Recently I started dating this guy, 26 years old. I am a 28. When we first met, I had been going to his place as I paid him to fix my lap top. I thought that he was gay, because of his mannerisms. He acts and talks very feminine. However, he hit on me and I was surprised but flattered as he is very handsome. I flat out asked him “aren't you gay?”. He hesitantly said, “no”. Then I asked if he was bisexual and he said “not really”. I said “What? Have you ever made out with a man?” and then he told me “yes once or twice”. I don't understand this. How can one not know if they are gay or not? Making out with a man, if you're a man, is gay. He says he doesn't like to be labeled, but I need to know. How can I handle this without scaring him off? He has a HUGE fat cock, which I sucked once already (loves it!) but I am wondering, has it been in a few men's asses or has he been fucked in the ass? Will my twat be enough for this dude?

Dude looks like a lady

A new lover is sort of like a used car; it may seem new to you but you just can never tell how many or what kind people have ridden in it before you got it. I have met a few well hung men who have also pitched for both teams simply because they feel their massive cocks are too precious to be limited to one gender. They want EVERYONE to worship their gigantic rods. If he treats you well and you use protection, just enjoy him for what he is, a well endowed, open minded amusement park ride. You can't change the past, so just enjoy the present (pun intended).

I've been seeing this man for the past few months and we laugh a lot and have a great time but I feel like I am being taken advantage of sometimes. I cook, drive to him ( he lives 30 miles away) . I have to pay sometimes when we go out as he is out of work. I guess I want to prove that not all girls are after a Man's money. I spend a lot on gas and even feed his cat. How can I get out of this routine without coming across as being mean?

Lovely Linda

If you give too much people will take too much. Be nice but stop giving. See what happens. You will find out if he still wants to come around and see you, etc. If he asks you why the sudden change, tell him "I am exhausted from making such a big effort for us". You need to know the truth. If he really wants you, he will make a bigger effort and start being more generous. Keep in mind, there is one thing you can never change and that is biology; The sperm come to the egg; not the egg to the sperm.

I'm 20 years old with an 18 year old fiancee. Young, yes, but we have a lot of love for each other. Just recently she has been shying away from sex, she said she just didn't have the urge to… She had recently been put on the depo birth control shot. Which I figured (A) Sometimes people go through dry spells, and (B) Birth control can really play a toll on females. Well on top of the whole not having sex thing, she has become more stand-offish. She will fight with me about anything, and yell at me for the simplest of things. I don't know what is going on, I don't want to believe she's being unfaithful because I trust her. She was walking to grab a screw driver just now and turned around half way through the hall to grab her phone, maybe because she knew I would go through it, or was waiting for a friend to respond, I don't know the case.I really am fighting to hold on to what I have, but it seems like every time I try to better things, they become worse. And thoughts? Tips? Advice? What should I do? I'm really lost,

Hasty Hal

You say you trust her yet she “knew” you would go through her mobile phone when it was unattended. This proves something is brewing between you two. First of all, she is only 18. She probably doesn't know her ass from her elbow yet. Her yelling at you and protecting her phone are signs that she is bored with the relationship, probably having an affair (this is pretty much expected from teen-agers). At your age (20 and 18) getting engaged may be a sweet gesture but you see now that the security you sought is quickly killing the love and passion you had. I suggest sitting her down and telling her you love her madly, still want to be romantically involved but are calling off the engagement. Tell her "why rush into things? I can see the pressure of being engaged is getting to both of us, there is no rush, we are both young, lets just love each other and forget the contract". If you don't have the balls to tell her to her face, write a nice letter to her, making sure you stress the fact you are not breaking up with her, just ridding the engagement which you feel has changed things. Stand by your decision and you will find out the truth; she will either crave you more or be relieved and move on to whatever it is that is distracting her so much. You need to know and this gesture will show you if she can live without you or not. Getting married, in my opinion, is old fashioned and unnecessary-unless immigration plays a role in it. Getting married before age 30 is just inviting chaos into your life.

I am 22 years old girl and had my first relationship with a guy who took my virginity and after few months he dumped me. I decided have another affair with a guy who made me pregnant. I am not in a good relationship and I wish to go back to my first boyfriend who too my cherry and ran. I try to find his whereabouts but only found that he's in jail and was sentenced for 15 years. I love him very much and I wish to have him back whenever he comes out of jail; am i right to go back to him? I miss him so badly and I have a 4 years old daughter I don't know if he will accept me. Help me.

Ditzy Donna

You may THINK you "love him" but loving someone who doesn't want you is retarded. People tend to romanticize about their first ever lover. The one who took their virginity sometimes stays in our hearts and minds but this does not mean they are "the one". In fact it seldom ever works out being the one. He already dumped you once. It's over. It will never work out. Not only does he not want you (you can TELL when a man wants you, he makes it very clear by calling, texting, emailing, trying to find you like the sperm tries to find the egg) but he is in JAIL. Do you really think this is the best father figure for your daughter? You need to get busy as it sounds like you have way too much free time. Would you want your daughter to spend her time chasing a criminal who doesn't even want her? I doubt it. Set a good example for your kid by working hard and only loving men who love you (and I don't just mean sex you, I mean LOVE you). You are wasting your time even thinking about this idiot. Get busy, move on and the right man will come along. Men usually don't mind when a woman has a child already, especially a cute little daughter. It shows them you are capable of pushing out a healthy kid and either gives them hope they will get one out of you too or if they don't want any of their own, they will enjoy the fact you have one and won't be bothering them for a child.

I have been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now, and we have been having serious relationship issues because every time we have sex, she gets a yeast infection. Its to the point where she resents me so much for it, that we constantly fight, argue, and refrain from sex all together. She claims its my fault and I keep giving it to her, but I don't feel any symptoms and she is the only girl I have had this problem with. I work part time and I don't have medical insurance so I haven't had the chance to see a doctor either. I really love her, and I don't want to do anything stupid like cheat on her, but more importantly I don't want to lose her over this. What can I do?

Tortured Tommy

This happens A LOT. Tell her to make sure she cuts back on eating sugar, carbs and avoid using any soaps on her snatch. Get some yeast infection cream, like Yeast Guard or something similar. Try and give it a rest for a few days to work it's magic (if you simply have to fuck, use the creme as lubrication). She also needs to wear cotton panties (no thongs) to bed so her crotch can breath. You can both eat acidophilus tablets and lots of natural yogurt to keep your bodies bacteria in check. Try using a condom next time, perhaps that will help. Tell her MANY women get itchy/irritated pussies after sex and it's not your fault that she too much cheese on her Taco.

September 6, 2010

Ask Dr. Dot Sept. 2010

Please feel free to email me drdot@drdot.com with any questions you have, I always change the names around, so you're secrets are safe with me 😉

  I found out the man I've been with for three years has been having a very intimate correspondence with a woman. Not sexually but emotionally. He knows I can open his email as we sometimes shared it for work. He deletes some mails but forgets to delete others. I know it's invasive but I just couldn't stop.
We live apart as he "loves his space". He is 36 and I am 45 but I look young for my age and he looks old for his age. I'm very dependent on him, not only emotionally – my 16 year old son sees him as the male authority, we spend vacations all together, etc. He's never seen this woman, only talks to her on the phone sometimes as I learned from his mails.  I don't blame the woman as he made her believe he's single. She's married but obviously looking for changes in her life. I knew he liked to be surrounded by women – both virtually and in reality so I thought she was just one of his fan club but this is different. He's talking to her practically in the same way he talks to me. I'm trying to ignore this and not tell him anything but it's torture. He sees something is wrong with me. He treats me so nice, we see each other almost daily and have sex only once a week ( I want it more!). What's worse we've long planned to spend Christmas holidays with my son and his mother in the country where she lives. The woman lives in the same country.
Now my boyfriend tells me he wants to stay there longer to spend more time with his mother after we leave. What should I do? Cancel the trip altogether?
But my son wants to go and I have my own friends there that I wanted to see. Keep ignoring this and let him do whatever he wants to do? But I'm very emotional and I know I won't be able to feign indifference for a long time. it makes me really sick, I can't concentrate on anything and I know it damages my ties with my son and other people and even my work performance. 

Cynthia the Couga r

The more you try to prevent this meeting from happening, the more exciting and important it will become for him. If you email her and tell her he is 'taken', you will loose him for good as he clearly likes and demands his freedom. If you confess that you have been following this affair per email, he will see you as a nosy, sneaky, jealous and clingy ball and chain. You two are not engaged, not married or even living together so neither of you can demand monogamy. Would you REALLY want to prevent him from doing something he really wants to do? You would then start to wonder if he is only with you because you intercepted and what would stop him from finding another female fan in the future? Don't mess with fate. If it is meant to be, it is meant to be. Like the boss says, everybody has a hungry heart. He may just be bored. You say he treats you and your son very well and takes care of you and even fucks your properly once a week. You can NOT expect more from a person.

You can't chain them physically down and put blinders on them ensuring they are focused only on you and why would one want that?  Just remain calm, stay busy, work out, stay sexy and easy going, get ready for your trip and see how it unfolds. Either way you win. He will either find her boring in
person or irresistible and this would then set you free from the constant wondering and feeling of being 2ND in line. You can't change this situation, you can only change how you handle it. Perhaps SHE will find out he is taken and flip out making him appreciate you even more. Let him play his little game, you need to stay busy and enjoy your life, we only get one, this is not a dress rehearsal.  

I just starting seeing this amazing girl and we have great sex often, she is amazingly beautiful but a little insecure in bed not helped by the fact shitty ex bf told her she was a wank jump. I am really into giving her orgasms whenever possible but basically the head job discussion is completely OFF LIMITS. She has advised it's strictly Christmas or birthdays, but has made it clear she's just not into it. I've tried the denial method but fuck that, I love eating vagina. Part of me thinks who cares I'm with someone who likes me but I think maybe the denial is making me want it more. She is young (21) and I'm 34 which is fine, but she had a tough time in her teenage years.

Oral Otis

You have "great sex often" with a girl who is more than ten years younger than you? Please count your blessings and stop whining. Eventually she will come around and let you lick her pussy on a more regular basis. She is 21, which is when most women are merely starting to figure out what they like and dislike in bed AND you just started seeing her, so please chill and be more patient. Ask her if she would try 69 with you, that way her pussy isn't the only focal point. If she still frowns upon it, oh well, you are still getting what most men crave; regular great sex with a younger woman. If you give up and leave her, the next girl may hate GIVING oral, then you will really be fucked!

I am a Premature ejaculator. I doubt I am the only one with this problem, but I suffer from this greatly. My last girlfriend cheated on me and when I confronted her she said "I had to fuck someone else, you don't satisfy me" since then, I haven't stated another relationship as I am feeling unworthy of any pussy. My penis is rather large, but I can't hold out for more than 2 minutes. Any advice you have for me would be a gift for me.

Quick Nick

There are some tricks you can try (1) Wank off hours before you see your girl (2) Always use a condom so it doesn't feel so overwhelmingly amazing (3) Fuck standing up (ejaculation will take longer as your brain is slightly preoccupied keeping you standing & less blood will be in your cock; some has to be in the legs to keep you up and moving (4) Make her cum BEFORE you even start fucking her so she has less to complain about if you finish quickly once you're in there (5) Date a woman who could care less about sex (I KNOW there are many out there, I hear about them everyday from their frustrated partners).

Relatives keep giving winding me up about being a 36 year old single woman. I really can't take all of this nagging anymore. They harp on me every chance they get. The "I just haven't met Mr. Right" expression isn't helping anymore. Am I the only one who just doesn't care if I am dating or not? I have a cat so I am never lonely.
Sick of it All Sally

At the next family gathering as soon as someone goes there, in a very loud pitch say "I am single because I refuse to take it up the ass, which is a deal breaker nowadays." See how that grabs them.

Q.

I love my wife of 18 yrs; everything used to be OK. I had a drinking problem, and I rarely got sex even though I wanted it. I tried EVERYTHING to turn her on.
She's the receiver; never makes any effort to instigate or give sexual pleasure. I quit drinking a year ago and realized how controlling she is. We would be at a party, I would say “I'm going to go talk to whoever” & she would grab my shirt and tell me "NO, stay here, have a drink" Family members would put me down, yet she never said anything, etc. She yells at me for no reason/snapping. I told her it gives me chest pain, yet she continues.
I let her control the bills; she has ruined my credit!
All this was OK till I started standing up for myself. We Almost divorced 3 times this year, but avoided it by me giving in and trying "once more". Each time we reconciled she would give me all the sex I wanted (for awhile). Then started snapping at me again. I really cant afford to leave her, I don't make enough to live by myself and I love her but I WANT sex, BTW, she Loves me eating her out, but wont give me head where I get to come in her mouth, I told her I really want that- ( not happening ) when we do have sex shes never into it, she just tells me to " hurry" I feel I'm missing out on a lot. I don't know what to do. She says she Loves me more than anything- hhhmmmm

Suffocated Steve

A.
In my opinion, if she "loves you more than anything" she would let you cum in her mouth, stop bitching at you and smack the shit out of people who put you down. She is probably so used to you being drunk and apathetic that she doesn't really know the real you anymore and can't understand why you can't be ordered around anymore. If you are going to stay with her, you need to write her a letter so you can get your real thoughts out on paper without her having the chance to interrupt or snap at you while doing so. Tell her you are sorry for being drunk for so many years, but you are back and it is time for you to make up for loss time and take charge of your bills, household, spunk and life in general. She can either relax and enjoy the new your or move the fuck on and spend some other wimps money. Words don't mean anything. Anyone can SAY "I love you" but their actions reveal the truth of the matter. I would personally rather be broke than live with someone who sucks in bed, spends all my money and nags at me. If you do leave her, avoid getting married again, the same fucking thing will happen all over again. Like Chris Rock says "if you like fucking, don't get married".

April 15, 2010

Ask Dr. Dot April 2010

Email me your questions and I will answer them for free and I will change your name to protect your identity. Your naughty secrets are safe with me 🙂

I have been dating this girl for about 2 months. We almost broke up two weeks in because she thought we were moving to fast.
She said we were having sex to often, but I was never the one coming on to her, she always came looking for me.
We eventually just went on, having regular healthy (great for both sides) sex. She text messaged me describing what she was going to do to me sexually, but then after shopping with her, she texted me saying “I don't want to have sex for a while” (so we didn't fuck after all). I asked her about it because I found it unusual. She didn't have much to say other then it's “not a big deal”.

I will admit the past two times we have had sex, it hasn't been the best. She seemed a little uninterested. When I asked her about this, if she was losing interest or what, she simply said “well, I wasn't really in the mood but I fucked you anyways to please you”. No girl has ever openly said such a thing to me, so I found it somehow sweet and endearing. I just need a girls point of view on this whole thing… is it really not a big deal, that I'm blowing out of proportion?
Or is there something hiding behind this whole ordeal? Any thoughts, suggestions would be appreciated. And by the way I'm 26 and she is 25

Horny Hans

Not a good sign. If this is going on already, imagine being bound to her for the rest of your life. Imagine her saying "oh honey, you can fuck me if you have to, but I'd rather fold laundry, so hurry", as that's probably where this will end up if you stick with her, move in together or worse, marry her.
I'd keep your options open and play the field. You're too young for such restrictions. Best to have a girlfriend who wants to fuck you, rather than just tossing you a mercy fuck from time to time. Get out while you still can my friend.

A guy I have been seeing on and off for the last couple of years (we live in different countries) never, ever licks my pussy. I have a very clean tight twat and I know it smells and tastes good because other men tell me so and I often lick my fingers after masturbating. He is considerably younger than I am so I have remained patient. I asked him flat out once "why don't you lick my cunt?" and he replied like a smart ass "you never ask". This infuriated me and I almost ended contact with him. A while after wards I asked him, full stop on the phone, about this one way oral sex street we are on and he then came up with a new excuse, that I am older and he is afraid he won't be as good at it as any former lovers I have had. Do these excuses sound good enough to you? Am I over reacting?
I am extremely generous with giving head and I feel ripped off.

Oral Ora

He sounds like a lazy sack of shit to me. Trying and failing is still better than not trying at all. Age has nothing to do with it either. You can't let him off easy all the time just because he is younger. When does he plan on learning? When he is 50? It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. Suggest teaching him how to do it exactly as you like it. The fact he said "you never ask" shows he is being a selfish prat. Hold off on those generous blow jobs and if/when he asks why you stopped, give him a taste of his own medicine and tell him "ladies first" and guide his thick head down towards your neglected cunt. If he still refuses, show him the door. There are plenty of men around, of all ages, who love to lick pussy.

Why is it hard for a 45 year old man to cum but still maintain a rock hard penis. It's like "the feeling" or "itch" want to rise but just doesn't. I also tend to get hot (body temperature wise). My beautiful girl comments that my penis always tends to make me sweat first before I cum. Now sometimes I do cum and it usually always explodes out as if there is a blockage in the valve and the pressure just pushes it out. I'm aware I might have a control issue as I generally don't have a problem masturbating. Rarely however, do I cum during intercourse. I don't hammer away, sometimes I go slow, sometimes I wiggle about – depending on how my partner is feeling or wants.

Diamond Dick-Dave

It sounds to me like you and your cock are very dehydrated. When a person isn't drinking enough water, the body tends to get selfish and holds onto every drop of fluid it has. Avoid excess coffee and tea, which simply dry you up from the inside out. Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day and go to a Urologist to have the "blockage" checked out. Blockages can occur as a result of infections (including STD's). These can be cleared up by taking antibiotics. If you have a structural blockage, you may need to undergo minor surgery. So a trip to the “Cock-Doc” and drinking more healthy fluids should cool you and your hot willy off and make ejaculation easier.

I am 24 and left my boyfriend (age 26) of four years for another guy. Then my relationship with that guy went bad and we broke up. When I first left my ex I heard many friends tell me how they had seen him constantly out drinking himself stupid in the corner of bars by himself and he looked unhappy. He used to email me telling me he missed me and still loved me, I was polite but not really interested. He stopped emailing, then friends started seeing him out with other girls and then one day he ran into me at a coffee shop and it seemed like he had been living in the gym, the guy was ripped. I added him on facebook and see a lot of girls always flirting with him on there including girls I know. I am shocked he has gone from the dotting depressed ex boyfriend to this. What's the best way to win back his heart and start dating again without looking stupid? I would also be very upset if one of the girls in my social circle try to fuck him and I fear they might. Help……

Goldie Cocks

The good news is, men can forgive. But they don't forget. If he really loved you, he may give you another chance. The other girls may be different and new to him, but sometimes a history between people can mean more than fresh meat. You can send him a real letter; not an email and tell him you are sorry and that you know for sure leaving him was a grave mistake. Mention that sometimes it takes such a stupid move to make one realize how good they had it and how grateful they should be for what they have/had, the grass always seems greener but it isn't, yadda yadda yadda. Make it short, sweet and to the point. He won't want to read a book, just one short page of how you would love to see him again. That's all you can do. Do NOT call him as you may catch him at a really bad time and that could make things worse. A letter is less threatening and gives him time to think. You may want to slip an old picture of you both into the letter to spark memories (and a few nude self portraits too of course). If he doesn't answer you, it means he's moved on and nothing can change a man's mind once he has it set. If he does start fucking around in your social circle, you just have to write it off as "the one that got away" and remember they are experiencing your left overs.

Is it true what they say that "once you go black you never go back”?

Wondering Wanda

I'm sure that rumor was created by a black man. I've seen plenty of naked black men as I am also a massage therapist by profession+ most take off their clothes.

They don't have bigger cocks than other men, it's just that the ones who do have massive dicks are in porn, hence the reputation. I've never fucked a black man (would shag Chris Rock if he wasn't married + was given the chance). Not racist at all, but I prefer light eyes on my lover (green or blue) so that narrows it down considerably for me now doesn't it?

I have been dating this girl for about 5 months, and I cannot seem to make her climax. It seems like no matter how long we go I always end up going first, and then going limp. I have never had this problem before, and am used to being told that we have to stop and not getting to jizz all over the place, then finishing the deed later by myself. I don't know what I am doing wrong with her. We try different positions and I ask her what she needs to make her get there (she is shy) and still I don't get the satisfaction of her screaming in joy from a little present that I gave to her.. Is there any way I can extend how long it takes me to cum, to be able to hold a stiff dick after I come or to loosen her up so that she climaxes' harder faster?

No-Go Jo

She needs to know how to make herself cum before she can cum with you. Ask her in a nice, calm manner, how she makes her self cum. If she says she can't, there is your answer. It's not you, it's her. If she says she can and tells you how, ask her to SHOW you how she makes herself cum. Then try to integrate that method into your fuck fest. If she doesn't know how to cum (some women just don't). Then bring her ass to the edge of the bed, kneel on some pillows and lick her clitoris as long as it takes to make her cum. Don't worry about sticking your fingers in there, just concentrate of long, firm, constant strokes with your tongue as wide as you can make it. Lick South to North and vice versa and check in with her once in a while and ask her if that's the right spot/ rhythm. Don't let up until she cums. It could take a while but if that is your goal, you have to hang in there. Make her cum first then you won't have to worry about how long it takes you. It didn't sound like she was complaining about you taking forever to cum, some girls like a long ride. Women can enjoy sex without climaxing. We don't have to climax every time to enjoy it, like most men do.

January 2, 2010

Ask Dr. Dot Jan. 2010

Q.

I have been going out with this 28yr old designer/film maker for 10 months. I am 31.
Generally, he is good. Met his family, his friends,etc. Pretty consistent guy.

He cares for me, but whenever we hang out lately, he is always coming from somewhere,
like he'll be at a friends or meeting with a buddy at a bar. I told him my time is valuable and
I don't want to be the dumbass waiting for him. He doesn't really get it, but I just been writing
it off like he is social and 'you take the good with the bad'.
Last night, he did that again- I was waiting at his Manhattan apt. WHILE I was there, I found a list of yoga questions (I am a yoga instructor) for a film idea. Like 'how much do they make' is there sex involved ever' , 401k? what percentage are wanna be actors? how long is the career of a yoga instructor.. A whole long typed up list by him. .. very bazaar.
So I called him and asked him. He stuttered, and said 'oh where did you find that.. ?'
yo, that shit is weird.

You had to see the questions. it makes me feel he is either mocking me
or using me for a film idea! I feel so duped. It was clearly something behind my back; he played it off like it was something he is working on that he is going to talk to me about. In my heart, I don't believe him.

THEN, I asked where are you – WITH A BUDDY AT a bar!!!! He knows I hate that. Needless to say, we shouted, he got defensive, I got upset. He got very explosive about me finding the questions and then questioning his whereabouts. I went home. He called 4 times that night; I didn't pick up.

I never want to talk to him again. Besides being out with his buddy while I am waiting for him,
what are those questions about?? (He is a wanna -be producer).

What do you think?

Sulky Susan

If he is "good" and "consistent" and you've met his friends and family AND he trusts you
in his flat while he isn't home, it means he is into you and not such a bad guy. It seems
to me you are a bit jaded about men and are looking for mistakes; a reason to bolt.
The Yoga list could have been something he was going to ask you about, for his script,
but you act like it was a list of hookers he owes money to. Not trying to take sides, but
he is ONLY 28, which is young; young enough to still want to hang with buddies in a
bar. You are also in a big city; you can't expect men in big cities to put blinders on and
put all of their focus onto you. The fact you had to call him and ask where he is means
there is something wrong. You should agree upon a time and meet some where mutual,
not at his home, waiting like a dog, or worse, his MOM. You're never going to find a perfect man;

but if you want one that will be more attentive, you may have to date an
older man who has been through the wringer a few times and prefers nights at home
to nights in the pub with his mates. But again, no man is perfect. If the only thing this guy
was doing wrong was keeping you waiting (in my eyes that is your fault; make a time and
meet somewhere besides your flats to keep the passion of dating alive) and meeting with
friends (at least he's not meeting with bitches) and his mysterious list (you should NEVER
snoop- a man either loves you madly or he doesn't) then I say pick up the phone when he
calls and don't even mention the bitchfest; just pretend it never happened and from now
on he has to meet you at a restaurant or a cocktail bar to woo you, instead of just wooing his
mates. When you rang him to nag and ask where is he, you could have said "I am busy shaving
my pussy and was just wondering should I shave it all off or leave a landing strip?" and he
would have RAN home. Games; men live for them.

Q.
I have been with my fiance for about 3 years but always on and off.
We just got back together on the 2nd of December and the first time
I even got to see him was on the 27th of December.He lives with his
mom he just turned 18 and has no job which he always says he is
looking for one which i know is a lie. I found messages on one of his
online sites he goes to and he keeps calling all these other girls hot
and sexy and told his ex when me and him were fighting that he
was sorry he left her and he wanted to make it up to her but of course
he was a total a-hole when he left her and she didn't respond but
instead sent me a email telling me about so i asked him and he said
no i didnt someone has my password and is "hacking" into my account
and sending messages to other people. Well obviously he was lying i
know but i still believed him cause i love him. When i try to get him
to come here he says he will leave a note for his mom to wake him up
but he is always high when he says that and i barely get to talk to
him anymore because he is either out partying with his friends or
down at his friends house getting high all the time and i dont know
what to do i love him but i cant stand him always being high or
drunk and he lies to me all the time so please tell me what to do…

Livid Lisa

A.
The biggest lies here are the ones you keep telling yourself. You lie
to yourself "he loves me, he is just high/sleeping/busy" when you
know dam well he is a lying loser. First of all he is ONLY 18!!! People
never know what the hell they want at that age!! Engaged? PLEASE!
Give me a break. You are both too young ( I assume you are around
his age) for such a commitment. Potheads are procrastinators; they
never get anything done and guess what? He will probably STILL live
with his Mom in ten years. You are wasting your time with him; he
is obviously a player; which is normal at his age. Let him enjoy his
youth, other girls, grass etc, but you should too. Enjoy your youth
as you will only have it ONCE. Do not put up with guys who treat
you badly in any way. Once you decide to demand respect, boys like
him will clearly be losers in your eyes and that will make things easier.
Just stop contacting him, cut all ties and move ON!!!!!

After 10 years of drooling at my mother in laws sexy feet and wanting to play with them I finally
got to rub her feet the other night. My wife was asleep and me and MIL were downstairs watching TV.
I had a few beers through the day so my courage was up.
She way lying on our couch and slipped her shoes off and I sat there looking at her
sexy pedicure. After a few minutes I could not stand it any longer. I sat next to her feet and started rubbing them.
I played with her toes, rubbed her soles, I covered every centimeter of her luscious feet.
She never resisted and let me do what I wanted. I got horny and was erect. She never said a word, but I could tell
she was enjoying it and maybe to the point it turned her on –I’m not sure.
I wanted to kiss her feet and suck her toes but I did not go that far. Would it be a mistake to take this any further?
I want to have sex with her and I am not sure if she would. But, I want you're opinion if you think its a
possibility she got horny from me playing with her feet?

Gilf Feet Fan

I am sure it excited her. Foot massage, when done correctly, are a huge turn on.
If you really love your wife and want to keep her, just stick to massaging your Mother in Laws feet once in a while, which could already be disturbing enough to your wife (you may want to ask your wife permission to massage her mom's feet, but make SURE you massage your wife's feet too- just tell her you LOVE to massage feet).
If you don't give a toss about your wife and feel her Mother is the woman of your dreams and are sure the feeling is mutual, then go for it, but know if you leave your wife for her Mom, you will be destroying two relationships, rather than the standard one, when a spouse leaves a marriage for another. You could always just keep the fantasy in your head and use it to enhance sex with your wife. Many people in relationships have fantasies, but we can't always have what/whom we want. Is a sexual thrill enough to make you throw it all away?
That is the question you have to ask yourself, as only you can answer it.

Because I was previously in a long-term relationship, I decided to get an IUD for birth control because I'm unable to take the pill (gives me migraines). Now I'm single again, and concerned about having sex if I start dating someone. Obviously I'd want to use a condom, but since the IUD has strings that aren't exactly soft, I'm worried they could tear the condom and make it useless in terms of having safe sex.
I heard you should only have it if you're in a monogamous relationship, so do you think I should have it removed? (I'm not currently sexually active, and haven't thus far had more than one sexual partner at a time).

Contraceptive Connie

I would have it removed. Not only could it increase the chances of you getting lazy
with a new partner "ah go ahead, I can't get pregnant, I have an IUD" after a few
glasses of wine, but they increase chances of infection, make new partners wonder
(1) What the fuck is that fishing wire doing in her twat-it hurts my cock (that is if you
are lucky enough to find one who has a willy that long) (2) Is she really that sexually
active that she always has an IUD inserted?.
I am certain the string wouldn’t puncture a condom but it's always best to stay on the safe side.
Not a fan of the IUD anyways as it alters the fluids in the Uterus and fallopian tubes, which reduces the chances for fertilization. The "Nuva ring" is better, but again, you need to use condoms unless you are in a monogamous, tested and tried, relationship. If you find yourself
in one, and feel safe to toss the condoms, try the Nuva Ring instead, the IUD is nothing
but drama.

I’m in a relationship, all is good. BUT, my gf has been out of town for about 2 months and my ex gf, who I chat with online periodically asked me over for dinner. Well, I had a good dinner and ended up getting rid of a nagging 2-month dry spell. I really don’t have feelings for her in a relationship kind of sense, I was just sexually frustrated and my ex was in for the kill from the get go. I guess I just let the wrong “head,” think for me. In the morning we had another round. I’ve never cheated before and don’t intend on doing it again as I feel like a complete cunt. I doubt she would understand but oh the guilt. Should I tell her?

Randy Ralf

Do NOT confess your infidelity to your girlfriend. It may free you of guilty feelings but it will
crush her and ruin the relationship. Everyone makes mistakes. Hopefully it
was a safe sex kind of mistake but if not, go have yourself checked out and use condoms
from now on with your girlfriend so you don't harm her (tell her you have an urinary tract infection).
Every one gets "super horny" and you aren't married, so you won't burn in hell, you will just have a
guilty complex for a while which could in turn, make you more grateful for your girlfriends love which
may even enhance your relationship. Twisted, I know, but you are not the first person to have a fling and you
won't be the last. Just keep it to yourself no matter what as what one doesn't know, won't
hurt them (at least mentally/emotionally).

Do you think there's a direct correlation between mental illness and abnormal
penis size? The formula seems to go as follows: guy with big dick = guy with more issues
than a yearly subscription to Sports Illustrated.
Okay, it's just a hypothesis, but the extra girth seems to be accompanied by a
headful of bad wiring and a serious need for some sort of medication — be it
the legal variety or otherwise.
We're not talking about your garden variety chronic asshole syndrome — but
walking train-wrecks who can't maintain relationships (of any sort) to save
their lives. An asshole can always find other assholes to commiserate with
(other wise how else would they get cops to ride around in squad cars together
for eight hours) but these other guys are pretty much all alone in the world.
Which is not to say they're deserving of our sympathy (they're not.) But I
digress…
Curious George

You are correct George but how do you know so much about Cock size anyways?
Sadly, somewhere a long the line, a lover told the man with
girth, how wonderful he is, how perfect he and his monster cock are,
that he can do no wrong and POOF, an egomaniac is born. Not completely different
to a beautiful girl with gigantic naturally big tits. These folks are blessed
with extra large "licenses to kill" so to speak. Why fuck just one when EVERYONE
wants a ride on your big fat cock? This is how they think. They watch porn and
think, "hey, that's me! I am special, I'm built like a brick shit house and I
deserve to have an attitude".
They usually end up with a complex, knowing that they are treated extra special
because of their ridiculously large dick. It's a vicious cycle. They love their
big dick, but know deep inside they wouldn't get away with half the shit they
dish out if they had a small one. They mentally torture their lover as they
silently think "she/he only loves me for my big fat tool". They end up making
people beg to fuck them instead of giving it away like most normal horny males.
Big cocks are WONDERFUL, but they are usually attached to an overly insecure or
overly confident DICK. There’s even a web site http://www.lpsg.org/ that offers support
for men with large penises, sigh.

November 29, 2009

Ask Dr. Dot November 2009

Please feel free to send me your questions anytime. I always change the names around, so no one except me, will know your dirty little secrets. Email them to me at: drdot@drdot.com

I meet (and shag) women easily but I've been having trouble getting
off with them lately….sometimes I do, but more often than not I concentrate so hard on
pleasing them that I end up having to finish myself off. Now, I don't mind it if I'm getting the
woman off but they seem to get frustrated that they can't bring me to cum, and eventually leave me.
What do I do?

Rage against their Machines

Nice to hear you are putting out such efforts to please women. Try to avoid wanking
24 hours before you jump in bed with a lady. A nice goal would be to get to know one girl so
well that you know how and when she will end up cuming, then try to climax together.
Or make her cum, then have her suck on you (or your favorite means) until you shoot your load.
If they just came, I don't see why they give a fuck how or when you get yours.
Tell her it turns you on to wank off onto her breasts or at worst, tell her you spent so much
energy making her cum you are too tired to cross the finish
line. In the end, you will know it's the right girl when (1) you can still cum with her or after her (2) she doesn't fucking mind what you do, as long as she is with you .

I am currently seeing this 28year old – I'm 31. It's been 9 months. I know all his friends, his parents,
and he wants to see me, calls, etc..
We have had a few dramas – what beauties – but in the end we worked thru it and we keep moving forward.
We are both fireballs and a little stubborn – him more than me, but he is patient and forgiving. We are both 'catches'.
The problem: he is not verbal at all – but when I mention it, he does try to correct it. There is very little talk of future.
I asked him over dinner if he saw me in his future and he said “yes”, and that he “doesn't waste time”.
Is the non-verbal thing ok, if he is showing in other ways? Should I stay in this and keep flowing or change it by breaking up? Part of me thinks maybe he'll never be ready.

Ms. Stay or go

You asked a question I would personally never, ever ask a man: "do you see us sharing a future?". That is a waste of breath
and shows them you are insecure and aiming at putting pressure on them. He said "yes, I don't waste time". This should have
made you feel really confident, but you are still questioning the relationship. You seem to be looking for a way out, in my opinion. Love doesn't come with insurance and all we have is today. You can not ensure a future with anyone.
You can get hit by a car; he could die of cancer. Just chill and enjoy the present with
this man who seems to really love you (you met his parents, friends, he verbalized seeing you in his future).
So what he isn't verbal? If you want verbal, date a woman.

I need another Dr. Dot pep talk.
Got rid of that first asswipe this past fall…while on the rebound found
another guy.
He suffers from depression, obsessive compulsive and ADD….One day he's hot,
the next cold.
One day he's in love with me, the next he totally abandons me. It's like a game
for him. He loves it when I come crying back. He's sent me into such a state of depression with all of his problems that I started antideperssants for the first time in my life.
I've done so much for this person….helped him and his kids out in so many
ways. I just can't go on with his split personalities (I truly think that's what
it is). It's wearing me out completely. He's starting to make me feel nuts. On a
side note….he can essentially be classifed in the 'white trash' catagory which
is something that I normally wouldn't fall for…however, I was hurting/rebound.
I'm having a hard time letting go…for no reason, yesterday, for the 10th time
in the past 3 months he dumped me again.

Scorned Suzy

I too took anti depressants ONE time because
of a moody ex. I luckily got so ill off them that first time, I had to go to the emergency room
and get an iV.
He probably knows you are too good for him and rejects you over and over again.
This is a test for your soul: how much shit are you going to take? How much low will you go?
You need to pass the test and show fate that you love yourself enough to walk away from people
who treat you badly. If YOU don't love yourself, how do you expect anyone else to? Make
borders from now on;
limits to what you will and won't put up with and stand by them no matter what.
Do not call this wacky cunt back and ignore any attempts he makes to reach you
and you will pass the test and your confidence will start to soar, bit by bit. We ALLOW
people to treat us bad, so you can't blame them if you allow it.

I know this might sound selfish but please help me out, I have going out with this guy
and he decided to go back to his mother’s child, the problem I can not get him out of
my mind is blowing me off so badly I can even concentrate, I can’t just cope I even go
to the extent of driving pass near their house incase he I see him. I tried to get him off
my mind but it comes back so heavily on me that I cry uncontrollably. I thought time
was the best healer but it does work for me I’m just madly in love

Crazy in Luv

It's not "selfish" it's foolish. "Madly in love", key word being MAD, as in crazy.
Love can make us crazy. Think with your head for a minute and you will see it's insane
to pine after someone who doesn't want you anymore.
It's over, he made his choice, you need to really just move on.
No one likes to be left; to lose, but it happens sometimes.
You can not make him come back; what will be, will be. Start taking good care of yourself; working out, eating healthy
and sleeping properly and keep as busy as you can so you can dump that needy feeling
the will surely turn off any new guys. Listen to as much Frank Zappa music as you
can get your hands on; he makes fun of love and heart break and what you really
need now, is a good laugh.

I just met someone 1 week in a half ago and he's really cool. The thing is that he said
he was single but admitted he had been seeing a girl like dating for over a year but
it wasn't exclusive. I don't believe him cause I know men will say anything to get with
a girl but I also give him the benefit of the doubt. He started text messaging me the
same day we met and then a few days later started to call me to chat and stuff but it
has been a week and change and he hasn't even asked me out. The weekend came
and he said nothing.

I have been unavailable when he asked to see me the other day just to say to say "hi",
of course cause i don't want be too available for him, and also because he asked to
see me for one minute to give me a kiss and a hug and I feel that I can get a kiss and
a hug from my grandma or Mom or dad and quite frankly don't feel that he has even
earned that much. If I accustom him to just do that he'll think I would settle for just that.
Hell probably think IM worth just a drive or a hello in front of my house!!lol. Anyway
I know its only been a week and a few days but he should be trying to get to know
me impress me wine and dine me if he's interested… Atleast go out for drinks.
He's always complimenting me and when he asked to see me the me other day
i brushed him off and a few min after we hung up he text messaged me telling me
he was outside and if it was possible to see me just for one min.. he appeared in
front of my house before i even answered anything lol… i haven't kissed him or
anything and i really like him but i don't know if he likes me that much or if its just that
he does have a relationship with that girl… I just don't know if I should continue
getting to know him or just drop this…?????

Shaky Sandra

"a few min after we hung up he text messaged me telling me
he was outside and if it was possible to see me just for one min.. he appeared in
front of my house " ????

uh, can you stay "stalker"? He sounds like a pushy, creepy, lying
player to me, ew.

October 14, 2009

Ask Dr. Dot October 2009

Please feel free to email me your questions. I answer every email personally. Don't worry, I always change the names around, so no one will know your questions or secrets. Dr. Dot drdot@drdot.com

I'm married for 5 years; we've been together for about 15. Two kids, happy. The thing is that I don't like sex.

I could literally go for the rest of my life without it and be fine with that. For a while I thought it was just him that I wasn't
attracted to, but even in between our dating, I was like that with EVERY guy.
I'm not a lesbian; women don’t turn me on that way. I get turned on by men,
but don't like sex. Goes back to Endometriosis and pain I had a hysterectomy at 28,
but still don’t like sex. I love and adore my husband. He's sexy but due to my lack of sex drive, our sex life is slacking.

I haven't yet said anything to him, but I feel bad about it and wouldn't be completely objected to him
sleeping with someone else just to get that part of him satisfied. In that past I would
have NEVER dreamed of oral sex, but over the past year or two, I've been doing it occasionally
just to get out of having sex. Sure, I have to stop every few seconds to stop myself
from gagging or throwing up. But I still do it. Also, I still refuse to receive it.
This CAN'T be normal?"
Honest Housewife

I know a few women like this. I am not saying it’s normal, but it's not rare either.
Remember Bill and Hilary? You have two kids already and are not opposed to him getting his jollies elsewhere, so you know what you like and what you don't like.
However, if he does have sex with others, there may be a chance he’ll love the sex, gets used to it again, and may end up changing waterfalls, so to speak. MANY women fuck/suck their men just to shut them up (which is sad ) so you’re not alone. Perhaps I am a freak but I think knowing you HAVE to do it, is a turn off, hence marriage can be a catch 22 situation. You marry for love, but the pressure of routine kills the passion. It's best to be honest with yourself and your partner and put all of your cards on the table and see what he says.
It may even make you wet; being completely honest, to the point where you
just don't give a fuck about the consequences, can be so enlightening, that it's a turn
on. Who knows, it may just flip your switch back on.

Q.
My penis is 1 inch when floppy; 2 when hard. I’m only 14 and I have heard it
will grow when you get older but it has been this way since my balls have dropped.
I was about to get a blow job; when I pulled my pants down, she laughed and told
the whole school. I really want it to grow to at least average size so that I
won't have to be afraid to show it off when I am asked to. Help.
The Angry Inch

A.
You have to accept that you’ll never have a monster cock, but you can make it a tad
bigger by using it as much as you can, be it by wanking or screwing. Like I’ve
said in the past, it’s similar to any other muscle; the more you exercise
it, the stronger (and bigger) it will grow. You should learn to be an expert
at giving foot massages and licking pussy, that will be your secret weapon. Making
the ladies laugh will also help them over look any "short" comings you have. Asian
girls have the tightest pussies (um, I’ve been told) so maybe gravitate towards them,
they may even think of your tiny tool as hard to handle. Ps. Does your mom know you read my column?

Q.
I have been married for 13 years. In the beginning, as with most couples,
sex was frequent and fulfilling. Frequency diminished over the years, yet it
was always fulfilling. 3 years ago, during sex, my husband had a heart attack.
An ambulance rushed him to the hospital. That was the last time we had sex.
I have tried to be understanding and thankful he is still alive, yet I need
to have sex. He claims that all sexual desire is now gone. I do realize he is frightened
about what happened, but how can someone totally lose ALL desire? He definitely
doesn’t have a girlfriend, nor masturbate.
I suggested that we just fool around and not have sex. I have made
offers to have a girlfriend join us, one of his biggest fantasies. I have even
masturbated when we go to bed, trying to "guilt" him into touching me.
To no avail. My sex drive is like that of a 17 year old boy. I masturbate, at least,
twice a day. I’m dying here. How can I help him regain sexual desire?

Camarillo Brillo

A.
Dr. Phil and Ophra would probably tell you do drag him to an expensive marriage
counselor that would take ages and may or may not work but would certainly take
a private, sensitive subject and make it even more sensitive & turn a passionate,
spontaneous ritual into an annoying chore for him. How about going away for the
weekend, camping or staying at a hotel and just go down on him in the shower.
I think your bedroom and that bed will always remind him of almost dying in your
pussy. You need to change the surroundings before even attempting to shag him again.
If none of that works, come right out and tell him you need sex and he should
either fuck you or give you permission to fuck someone else (he can watch?) or
you may end up cheating without his knowledge or leaving him all together. A hungry
pussy should never go to waste.
Ps. maybe you and the “Honest Housewife” should
trade spouses every weekend.

I have been here in NYC for 4 years and am like many others, not from here originally.
However, at 36, I am older than the average new immigrant. I am also black,
well-educated and traveled, have good social skills and am employed. (Read, "not of the young and tragically hip")

In the last 3 years, I have had plenty of sex, and a couple of long-term lovers with whom I have enjoyed more than time in bed.
But, once I decided I wanted to look for more, my search has yielded nothing. I haven't yet met anyone with whom I am mutually
attracted and who also has an interest in a long-term relationship. I am not too picky: cute, smart, funny, mature, and sexually confident
can't be too much to ask for someone in my age group, right?

I do the dating sites regularly, meet people constantly, and can even count a number of my former dates among my pool of friends.
But in the last month alone, the number of married or partnered men who answer my ad suggesting an affair has been depressing.
(I'm not a moralist about it, just not interested.) And the number of single people I meet who believe asking for a 2nd date 3
weeks after the first is staggering. (And, just for clarification, those are not sex dates.)
I am tired of being single! I want a partner! I have been reading your column faithfully, and it seems that your overall assertion is
that Manhattan is not the place for partner-minded people.
Surely there are strategies or gathering sites for we similarly afflicted people even in the city of the Swingin' Singles?
Or should I seriously consider a(nother) move?

Somebody to Love, Sadie

Big cities all have one thing in common:
The masses of people/oportunities make it difficult to concentrate on just one person; one relationship. It's easier in the suburbs
and country to find a partner to settle down with, simply because there are less people to choose from and less going on.
Big cities like NYC are crawling with sexy young singles and although it's an aphrodisiac, it can also be torture for
monogamous minded peeps. Unless you are willing
to move to a small town and start over, I suggest placing ads and being VERY specific about your needs.
I placed an ad for a girlfriend a few years ago, just for fun. I wrote it for her as she was too shy.
I was really blatant in the ad, stating "Sexy, Single woman wants generous, nonsmoking, relationship
minded man. Send pics if you want a reply". She got over 50 replies and on the 3rd date she met her current husband/father
of their child. They are still together and that was 9 years ago. There IS love in Manhattan; there's just too much of it.
You have to be more aggressive when courting a long term love here as the hetero men have the advantage of being outnumbered
by women (and gay males) two times over, which leaves the single women very few single, straight men to choose from.
So, either be more specific in your ads, turn “bi” to increase your chances or stop looking all together, as if you've given up;
and love may sneak up on you (a watched pot never boils) or move to a smaller city, one where meeting people is a
bit easier as Nyc, the city of fun,
will never change, it loves to be "single, but dating".

I am currently seeing this 28 year old – I'm 31. It's been 9 months. I know all his friends, his parents,
and he wants to see me, calls, etc..
We have had a few dramas – what beauties – but in the end we worked thru it and we keep moving forward.
We are both fireballs and a little stubborn – him more than me, but he is patient and forgiving. We are both 'catches'.
The problem: he is not verbal at all – but when I mention it, he does try to correct it. There is very little talk of future.
I asked him over dinner if he saw me in his future and he said “yes”, and that he “doesn't waste time”.
Is the non-verbal thing ok, if he is showing in other ways? Should I stay in this and keep flowing or change
it by breaking up? Part of me thinks maybe he'll never be ready.

Ms. Stay or go

You asked a question I would personally never, ever ask a man: "do you see us sharing a future?". That is a waste of breath
and shows them you are insecure and aiming at putting pressure on them. He said "yes, I don't waste time". This should have
made you feel really confident, but you are still questioning the relationship. You seem to be looking for a way out,
in my opinion. Love doesn't come with insurance and all we have is today. You can not ensure a future with anyone.
You can get hit by a car; he could die of cancer. Just chill and enjoy the present with
this man who seems to really love you (you met his parents, friends, he verbalized seeing you in his future).
So what he isn't verbal? If you want verbal, date a woman.

August 25, 2009

Ask Dr Dot Aug. 25 2009

I have been writing "Ask Dr. Dot" for over 7 years now. My advice column appears in the Exberliner magazine, NY Rock.com and as "Calling Dr. Dot" in Penthouse forum. Feel free to email me (drdot@drdot.com) any questions you may have. I answer them free and always change the names around to protect your little secrets from everyone else.

Dr. Dot

I'm a young "forty something" lady. I've been invited to a concert where I may get
an opportunity to meet some famous dudes. (Aerosmith)
There are going to be tons of little skinny ass chicks(yes I'm jealous), and I just
want to look hot. Not disgusting, but ya know, it would be nice to be "kinda hot
for a forty year old." I don't have a clue what to wear. I don’t want to be in
running shoes, like eww. Help.
Any pointers?
ps. You always look good.
Mary (from the bus, last tour, you know, leather?)

Decide what your best assets are-
if they are your breasts, wear a low cut shirt in navy blue and a back pencil cut
skirt to the knees and fancy flip flops or those ballerina shoes in silver. If your
best asset is your tiny waist, wear a sun dress that has frills where your tiny
breast sit and again, simple but comfy shoes (high heels make women miserable after a few hours).

Go easy on the make up and hair, focus on your best feature on your face as well and
avoid red lip stick unless your skin and teeth are flawless. Use my secret weapon,
"Hypnotic Poison" and smile no matter what. When speaking, remember, quality, not
quantity works best. If you meet Steve, tell him Dr. Dot says hello. Also, keep in mind,
I am pretty sure all of the band are taken, as in, in a relationship, so there is no
need going through hell trying to lure one of them; just be comfortable in your own skin,
smell nice, smile and radiate confidence which is the sexiest thing of all.
ps. If you don't want to wear a skirt, you could wear Capri’s. Make sure you use a shimmer
body lotion that makes skin look amazing.

I'm really puzzled by the fact that my boyfriend would rather eat me out than have sex.
We see each other a few days a week and have had sex only once in our 3 month relationship
everything else has been oral, him giving it to me; he never lets me give it to him. It's
like he's crazy about it, that’s all he wants to do. What's going on? Is there something going on?
Suzy Cream Cheese

If that's your only problem, consider yourself blessed. A man who only wants to lick your
pussy and wants nothing in return? Hold on tight to him. You have obviously seen his cock.
Could it be too small or soft? Maybe he’s afraid of disappointing you. Maybe he is afraid
of getting you pregnant (read: Catholic). Many men don't trust condoms or even the pill due
to former bad experiences ("surprise" pregnancies). Perhaps you just taste so fucking good
he is addicted. Don't look a gift horse, or cunnilingus master in the mouth.

I am about to propose to the love of my life. Her brother recently died in
Iraq (why do we send away our young men to this country to far away land and
get them back in boxes; all a mother has left of her son is a fucking flag!).

She cries everyday. I feel helpless.

Should I propose soon….and that will give her some happiness to
take away the pain, or should I wait till everything has settled. I would
marry her Monday if I could, but I just want to get it right for her.

Mr. Right

I would wait a couple weeks, maybe even a month until after the funeral,
and then propose to her.
You don't want your wedding anniversary to be too close to his death date.
If you do it too soon, she could think of it as just a romantic pity party.
If you wait too long, she could close her heart to love all together and
need a long time to completely open it again.

My ex is from Poland and went over there to see her…bout 5 months back anyway
we met at airport, had 4 hour journey back to her place was 7 am!! I was sooo tired
but she said “lets do it- do you have condom?” Well I did but feeling so tired I
just didn’t want to…i.e. I’d of been shit lol. So we didn’t and didn’t have
opportunity to do it again. Anyway, I got back home and she ended it per text
message about month later. That got me thinking. I loved her; maybe if did make
love to her on that occasion our relationship would’ve lasted longer? Looking back
I kinda feel guilty over it. I am dumbfounded and gutted.
Mr. Pitiful

I’ve had men visit me in the past from far away and I knew for sure they would fall
fast asleep due to the journey. So I let them be. I expect the same when I visit someone.
There should be some sort of sexual travel leeway period; an unofficial "leave me
alone for 24 hours please" phase. I think she just used that pathetic excuse to dump you.
If someone dumps you for that, they aren't even worth thinking about anymore.
Be grateful you are rid of that impatient wench.

Please cough up some advice for me ASAP. I have seriously not told ANYONE what I'm about
to tell you, but this issue is getting too big for me to ignore.
Basically, my problem is this: I'm in a serious relationship with a sweet but somewhat
insecure man. He is extremely concerned with making me happy in bed, and after some
awkward attempts at the beginning of our relationship, he worked really hard to find
out what I liked and is now able to satisfy me nine times out of ten. So it's not out
of sexual frustration that I've started having fantasies about women more and more recently.
It's something I've always done from time to time, but now for the first time I feel
like I might want to put it into practice. I really want to involve my
boyfriend in this, at least tell him how I've been feeling, but there's a problem: His
last girlfriend left him for a woman, and he's very touchy on the subject of girl-on-girl.
He's not against lesbians by any means, but he gets visibly uncomfortable whenever the
subject comes up, changing the topic of conversation, even changing the channel when two
women get friendly on TV. I care about him so much,
and I'm afraid my desires will chase him away. I don't know what to do. Can you help??

Potentially Bi in Harlem

I would love to know if these lesbo fantasies started before or after you found out about
his ex dumping him for a dike. Be honest and think back. If you started lusting after
women AFTER he told you this, it's simple; you are playing with the forbidden fire.
You know it's taboo and now crave it madly. If not, and you have always wanted to taste
the bearded clam, but want to keep your man, you should just do this on your own time,
without telling him, as it's obviously not going to work. Give the guy a break. Put yourself
in his shoes. At all cost, try your best to hide all evidence of your lesbian adventures.
Asking him will only make him more insecure, jealous and you may end up losing him completely.

I am a proud lady who masturbates on a daily basis. My technique has become
refined in the most recent years and lately I have noticed something… When I
have a very good strong orgasm; my hearing is somewhat diminished. Similar to
when your ears start to go towards popping when going up an elevator. 5 minutes
later my hearing is back to normal. Is this because the blood is rushing from my
ears to my vagina?

Alotta Vagina

Good news is, it is fairly normal. Bad news is, I'm gonna have to get all medical
on you to explain it properly. Take a deep breath and read on.
The ear popping is due to excessive dopamine-adrenalin conversion during orgasm while
your tissue and nerve around and in your ear lack of the relaxin/elastin Prostaglandin
to withhold the orgasmic contraction due to a sequence of adrenalin surges during or after orgasm.
Your auditory nerve is suddenly compressed by the tissue contraction and suffers from
the interruption of nutritional supply due to a sudden contraction of the arteries.
This results in nervous numbness. It can happen in your face, ears, nose, eyes, hands,
legs, pelvic area, or even your whole body. Whew. Who needs to hear anything after they
climax? I think its mother natures way of shutting everything else out so you can just
savor the spectacular moments during and after your orgasm.

July 17, 2009

Ask Dr. Dot July 2009

Feel free to email me your questions. I will change your name to protect your identity and your little secret will stay with me: drdot@drdot.com

Q.
I was wondering if you have a solution for me. I am a
37 year old man, not well hung but know how to use what
I have well and I am very good with my hands and mouth
BUT it bothers me and the women I sleep with that I just
can't seem to get or stay hard. When I beat off, it is fine,
I get hard and I cum, it's all-good. But when it comes time
to perform for my girls, my member seems to want to nap.
I don't even stay hard enough to wear a condom and this
scares away most of my prey. Please help me; I am good
looking, eager and very passionate.

Mr. Boooi oinnnng

A.
It sounds like you may have Erectile Dysfunction. You may
not like going to a Doctor but you have to see a trained
physician, specifically, an urologist, in order to suss out
what is going down with your cock. You can always try over
the counter sexual enhancements for men, or if the
Doctor approves it, Viagra. Viagra may make you feel sick
to your stomach and give you headaches but if the Doc gives
you the green light, it may help you in times of need. Not being
able to wear a condom is bad news; please go get your pecker
checked out. If you are too stubborn to visit a Doctor, they you
will just have to rely on vibrators and your tongue to please your girls.

Q.
I have recently found a gay boyfriend who I have just started to have
penetrative sex with.
I have found that as he penetrates me I loose my erection, and no
amount of masturbation will bring it back while he is inside me.

As he doesn't like being penetrated I can’t find out if it is the same for
him, and I don't want to insist incase I loose him. Is this normal or is
there some thing wrong?
Neither of us knows, as we are both pretty new to this.

Boy Toy Bart

A.
Blood rushes to any area of the body that is being stimulated that is
why the penis gets hard when it is being stimulated.
If your ass is being stimulated, the blood goes there, leaving your
cock less blood and making it soft. One may wonder why this isn't
so in porn. They are taking massive amounts of Viagra in porn to
keep everything hard and full of blood. Everything always seem better
in the movies, innit?

My wife could care less if we fuck or not. She has encouraged me to fuck
other girls but insists that I tell her before or ASAP after it happens.
I’ve encouraged her to go out and do the same but made her promise she
WOULDN'T tell me about it. (I doubt she would shag around)

The other day I told her we needed to pick up some condoms before I went
out with my friends. She hit the fucking roof, "So you’re telling me you’re
going out to fuck another woman?!" After some awkward conversation and joking,
we laughed and just left it at that.

Later, whilst shopping, we walked by the “family planning” section and she motioned
to the condoms but I just ignored it and we kept walking. Seems like I am in
checkmate. Help.

Bobby Brown

A.
When you say, "encouraged" I wonder exactly in what way. Many people say,
"feel free to fuck around, just give my genitals a break" but they usually don't
mean it. You were just trying to be honest when you mentioned that you needed
to get some condoms but that is being a bit too honest. Do your thing but keep
it out of her sight at all times; as she doesn't want to know for the same reason
you don't want to know. It's just too much information. What one doesn't know
won't annoy the fuck out of them. If you slip up someday and she catches wind
of any infidelity, you can naturally fall back on the "well, you DID mention I should
fuck around" but try your best to keep it out of sight and mind to protect her
feelings and your balls from being cut off with a kitchen knife.

Wow this is embarrassing but here goes. I'm a 38-year-old English bloke here in
Berlin and have been single for five years now. Am well and truly over my last
relationship – we lived together for three years and she broke my heart – but
now the past is a completely different country; I don't live there anymore.
I have no baggage.

The past few years I've only had the odd one night stand here and there, but to
be perfectly honest I'm not that kind of guy. I've never really enjoyed that sort
of thing anyway and besides I always feel closer, more intimate with someone
that I truly care for. And hopefully vice-versa.

But here's the deal. Right now I just can't seem to get a date for love nor money.
And it's starting to drive me nuts! Is it just the Dead Girls of Berlin Syndrome?

"Maybe it's the water, mama
Maybe it's the tea
Maybe it's the way they was raised
Maybe it's the stuff what they read in the papers
Keeps them lookin' sorta half in a daze
Well the dead girls of Berlin
Why do they act that way?"

I've always found that when I'm not in Germany it's much easier to meet women.
Am I just being too shy? Need more confidence? Could it be the language barrier?

It's not the sort of thing I can discuss with the "guys". So I thought, what the hell
and just ask the Doc. I just want to meet someone, have a happy fulfilling and
best-case scenario, loving relationship.

British Bob

The bigger the city the more aggressive you have to pursue women simply
because city folks learn to tune things out in order to keep their sanity. You
have to stand out and take chances. If you chat up 50 women, surely you will
get at least 5 great dates. So take risks, we only live once, a "nein, danke" or
"fuck off" won't kill you. Join a yoga class, it will keep you fit and you will be
surrounded by flexible women. You will be out numbered, ditto with a cooking
class or dance class. As far as language being a problem, it should work for you,
not against you as you are a foreigner, aka "exotic" and any German you learn
will surely be spoken with a cute accent, which should drive the girls mad. No
time to waste, summer is here and the egg surely doesn't go chase the sperm
not does it?

Q.
My guy and I have been together 7 years and I have never let him cum in my mouth
let alone swallow the stuff. It really makes me wanna gag. To be honest I don't even
know what his tastes like but before he even thinks about cumming in my mouth I
start making some really funny faces which he says is a huge turn off. I let him cum
in my mouth once, but I just wanted to barf all over him and I opened the car door and
spit it all out before I could even taste it. I think this phobia might stem from the first
time a guy came in my mouth. It was a complete surprise and it was the funkiest tasting
spunk. I like to describe it as seawater but chunkier. I know it would turn my boyfriend
on so much if I would just let him. Do you have any advice on how I can get over this
little sperm phobia of mine? If I can just get to the point of letting him finish off in my
mouth without making scary faces at him or gag sounds, that would be great. I do want
to satisfy him but at the same time I was wondering how common is it for a guy to cum
in a girls mouth? Is this something that all girls do for their boyfriends? I think he has
just been watching one too many pornos.

Spunkaphobe

A.
Swallowing a man's tide shows that you accept him, every drop of him. His sperm is his
personal liquid gold, their most valuable juice and if you won't swallow it, it's kind of like
saying "you aren't good enough to swallow" and hence, they get pissed off/disappointed.
If his spunk smells or taste funny to you, it is nature's way of telling you "don't breed with
this fucker" If you are in love, you should want to swallow his spunk (unless it's super
chunk-clam-chowder style, then anyone would understand the resistance. But if you just
can't seem to bring yourself to do so, then tell the guy up front "I will suck you ' till the cows
come home, but I don't swallow. If you have a problem with that, then we will just skip the
whole blow job part of our relationship". This should solve that problem immediately, as most
men would choose a non-swallow blow-job over no blow-job at all.

BUT if you really want to give it a try, suck his cock, as you do, best to keep tip in your mouth and
firmly rub his cock up and down in rhythm with your mouth and use other hand to cup his
balls gently. When you sense he is ready to shoot his load, try to aim it towards the side of
your mouth then quickly store it in your cheeks like a hamster does all those seeds.

Then, without missing a beat, swallow it bit by bit so you don't choke on it (this is if he is
really paying attention to see if you really swallow it or not), otherwise, if he is all wrapped
up in his orgasm with eyes rolled back in head, in heaven, you can quickly, swiftly and
quietly pour the spunk into your hand then wipe it on the sheets, rug, dog, his pants, what
ever is around. He will never know.

May 23, 2009

Ask Dr. Dot May 23 2009

I've been married for 8 years now, and it has been one disappointment

March 27, 2009

Ask Dr. Dot March 27 2009

Ok, here is my problem. I love women. I love women a lot. Maybe too much. The problem is
that most women can only get me excited one time and one time only. I look at them completely
different as soon as the act is finished. I don't even want to ever talk to them again.
I feel horrible. Like I am a bad person. I am 40 and see no sign of slowing down. Any
idea why I feel this way? Am I a fucking asshole? Am I a freak?
Johnny Apple-seed

I feel the same way sometimes. You aren’t a “bad person” in fact being “fruitful and multiplying”
is what being a man is all about, genetically. I am sure a lot of people feel that way,
maybe not to that extreme, but a tad, it’s just they can’t do much about it, as relationships
and social responsibility renders the ‘love ‘em and leave ‘em’ routine. As long as you are
completely up front with your conquest before you dive in, and they are cool with your motto,
why beat yourself up over it? Maybe someday you will meet your match and fall in love. Hopefully