Tag: love

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Ask Dr. Dot

Q.

Me and my boyfriend are both rather young. We have just started watching porn together and it is rather awkward just sitting there watching it, I mean, what does one normally do? It feels odd how we both just sit there in silence.

Wondering Wanda

 

A.

Try doing it doggy style while you both watch your naughty film or lie on your back while he munches on you (you can have your head hanging over the bed and watch watch upside down or look to the side). When guys watch porn together, they just sit there in silence, but when a couple watches it, you are supposed to get busy. Don't ask him, just get naked and into position, he will follow your lead.

 Q.

  I've been with my boyfriend 10 months now, we are very sexually active and experiment quite alot. He's made me cum through my clitoris, however he has never made me have a vaginal orgasm at all, I have also tried to find my g spot myself, they say it is meant tho be about 2 or 3 inches inside you, however i cannot find anything there at all, i am getting very upset and annoyed by this and I am wondering if it is possible that some women cannot have a vaginal orgasm at all, please help me because it is becoming a major concern of mine, thanks Clity Kate

 

A.

 First of all, this G-spot bullshit is highly overrated. When one is looking for mine, it just makes me have to piss. Ditto with all of my gal pals. The clit is like a tiny penis, in fact, some will argue that it IS a tiny penis that just never grew. SO you have to treat it similar to a penis. Could you make a man cum just by touching his balls? Highly unlikely. One of you would have to touch his cock to get him to cum. Same with the clit. He can lick your clit or slide against it while you two are shagging to get you to cum. Stop worrying so much about a 'vaginal orgasm' or your mysterious G-spot and just enjoy the fact that he can make you cum. I know many women who can't cum at all, so count your blessings.

Q.

My boyfriend of 6 years has never liked kissing or giving oral sex.. also the frequency is about every 12 days… he is 51, and all his other girlfriends have complained about the same issues.. is he gay? Curious Carol

 A.

Honey, if you have been dating him for 6 years and still don't know if he is gay, you have serious problems. Gay men don't date women first of all. They like cock. Did you and the other girlfriends stop to think that maybe he is just a man who doesn't like to suck face/pussy? Kissing is extremely intimate as is oral sex. Some people are just not that deep. Like it or leave it.

 Q.

I am 22 and my girlfriend is 21,and she always wants to suck my dick.That's fine but she always bites it. What would you do to stop this?

crazycasey


A.

 Put a bunch of coins in a tin can and the next time she blows you and her fangs dig in, shake the can aggressively. Dog trainers use this tactic but I am sure it will work for your toothy gal. Tell her to roll her lips over her teeth, like she has no teeth, just gums (like that old lady in the film 'King Pin') and tell her not to let her teeth touch your willy. Explain to her that it's is like being in heaven and hell at the same time.

^ Sex with teeth = Heaven and Hell

 Q.

I have been seeing this guy for three months now… horizontally we are a great match and have a lot of fun… vertically, I unfortunately am finding him more and more boring… and he seems to have fallen in love with me… how do I deal with this situation without breaking his heart??? Bored Bonnie

A.

Why not enjoy the horizontal part with him as much as you can and when you are done tell him you have things to do. Keeping busy is good for the soul, so is great sex. It is hard to find someone who is perfect for you in every category. Be honest with him and tell him you love having sex with him but that's about it. Some men don't mind being on call just for sex. Relying on someone to entertain you is ridiculous. Also, in this day and age, if you are up front about wanting to see other people and practicing safe sex, it's not frowned upon to date more than one person (one who is fun, one who is good in bed, one who spoils you, etc). Besides, there is no "Mr. Right" there is only "Mr. Right-NOW".

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Ask Dr. Dot ( polygamy/ Blaming Bitch/ Faking it)

Q.

My girlfriend keeps accusing me of cheating, even though I'm not. I want to know how I can stop her from this insulting behavior. Sometimes I work late or go for a few brews with my friends, and this prompts a huge amount of questioning and blaming. I love her madly but this has got to stop or I'm history.

A.

Perhaps you should open your eyes a bit more as to what she's up to, why she's so quick to blame. The next time she throws accusations your way, say "Just like a thief lives in fear of someone stealing from them, a cheater is always afraid their partner is cheating on them, is that why you keep accusing me?". This should shut her up. If you really are being faithful and she won't let up, warn her once, then walk.

Q.

I have a confession to make, I have been faking orgasms with my boyfriend and I want to come clean. I am 34 and he is 27, we have been together for 2 years and he has never made me cum but I fake it so well, he thinks I cum every time. It started out harmlessly, I just faked the orgasm because he was working so hard at it and I was getting tired. Now it's a game I have to keep up and I am getting sick of it. I can make myself cum, but he can't. Please throw me a bone.

Faking Fran

A.

Faking an orgasm is like bombing for peace, or fucking for virginity. It's the most ignorant thing one can do. Just be yourself and you can never go wrong. Telling him you have been faking it will surely end the relationship so if you want to save it, just stop faking it immediately and when he asks what's wrong, just tell him you are stressed/tired or you feel it's time to try new things in bed, then SHOW him how to make you really cum. Show him how YOU make yourself cum. If you really don't give a rat's ass about the relationship, tell him you have been faking, it will make you feel great to come clean but surely it will crush him and make you look like a lying cunt. Being brutally honest is empowering and can hurt others, but being too diplomatic and acting is far worse.

                           

Q.

I have been "dating"(no sex yet , well maybe a little) a man whom I have had an incredible connection with . I hadn't been physically attracted at first but he made it clear he was and if we spent time together I would be too. He is an amazing man, kind, romantic, well respected ,very creative in many ,many ways (musician), treats me with great respect and appreciates the woman I am, we work well together, my affection did grow over time(about 9 months ) and now we are madly in love. The problem is he is a polygamist  ( different than a swinger ) and of course a GEMINI . He is also Muslim ,very committed to his faith . Now when he first told me I thought no problem I was not attracted and we will have a great friendship, now that we are in love I have to decide to end it or continue, the thought of ending it breaks my heart . We have spent hours talking about his lifestyle and mine and I have come to understand the place his has and have come to accept it. I am very contemplative, intellectual person and have done a lot of reading on Islam and polygamy. He is very clear about his intentions to make me his 2nd wife (spiritual union before god , not a legal marriage) and despite my upbringing I am considering it on so many levels it feels right. He is not the player type , if I want to be with him I have to make a real commitment. He is planning a night out with his wife and I so we can meet each other. This will either snap me back into reality or be a pleasant surprise.

My question to you is :"Is it possible for a good descent man to want two wives? Is it also possible for a strong independent woman to truly accept this? Or am I compromising because I am so madly in love , have I been brainwashed?
Willing Wanda

A.

Most men find it hard to be physically true anyways, so what's the difference? (spare me the bitchy emails, I said "MOST") At least he's being honest about it. As in, "I am strong enough to care for more than one woman, and I want you to be one of them". Marrying him means you are cool with his ways and don't feel threatened. Nothing last forever anyways and we only live once. If you "marry" him and find out later it's not for you, just leave, as you said, it's not a legal marriage, just a spiritual one. No big deal.
Take a chance, love is worth it. Live, Love, laugh and do like Janis Joplin says "get it while you can!"

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Ask Dr. Dot

Q.

 I never cease to wonder at the constant chorus of females hammering home how important non penetrative clitoral stimulation is with the implication that straight copulation is totally uninteresting. I've even had a girlfriend memorably not bother to hide her own total ennuis when she deigned to consider normal coitus after she'd been serviced. I was grateful that your own contribution to this endless refrain was leavened by a reluctant quote from L'il Kim (If you ain't lickin' it, you ain't stickin' it). Why oh why then do vibrators exist? Where do they fit into the equation and could we not work out how to arrange for men to get their satisfaction at the same time as saving batteries?

 A.

 Ennius? Coitus? No wonder your girl wants to use a vibrator, she can't fucking understand you. Vibrators make you feel like you replaceable? That's how porn and a pet dog make most women feel now a days (men getting their unconditional love from their four legged friend and their sex from wanking off to porn). As far as I am concerned, dildos and vibrators are made for Lesbians who crave cock but loathe having sex with men and for 'visual pleasure' (she bends over, legs apart naked and inserts vibrator repeatedly while he watches from the side of the bed, slightly drooling, pleasuring himself). Well, that's all I use them for anyways…NOTHING beats the real thing my good man.

Another good use for Vibrators ^

 Q.

 I am dating a guy since 9 months and I really want out of the relationship. It has always been very stormy, but the sex is always hot. I want to leave him because he drinks and is unstable but every time I talk about wanting a change, he threatens to kill himself. How will I ever get out of this mess? I have the feeling he would really do it!!

In a rut with a nut

 A.

 Reminds me of a book I read called "If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?".

 

You should write aletter to him telling him it would be worse for him if you stayed out of fear and sympathy than to end your love affair. Tell him you will be there for him as a friend, but you must move on as you have lost interest in being his lover. Make a couple copies of this letter and give one to his Mom, Dad or best friend, so he gets support and the others know what's going on. If he is too weak to handle that, it's not your fault or problem, sadly life is really survival of the fittest and you can't save everyone (that's my job) heh heh.

 Q.

 I'd like to know what constitutes big. My cock is 6 inches long when it's hard and pretty thick, no girl has complained, but I want your opinion please. Thick Nick

A. I am pretty sure that every man on earth has measured his cock at least once, but I have never gotten a ruler out to find out exactly how big a guys schlong is. Some may argue with my opinion, but if it reaches the navel button when it's hard, that's big enough, anything longer and it will be poking our delicate belongings. If you can't touch your index finger to your thumb when you have them around your cock, that my friend, is called paradise. That nasty rumor that size doesn't matter was made up by a man with a tiny cock. Size does matter, but what you lack in size you can make up for with your tongue and fingers. I wish I had enough free time to measure my body parts.

  < Measure your Cock the correct way

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Ask Dr. Dot (Chunky Spunk strikes again/ She’s so cold)

Q.
My boyfriend's spunk is so chunky, I would have to chew it to get it down, not
only that, it smells like fish. We're talking chunky style clam chowder here
and he expects me to swallow his salty tide. He gets super annoyed if I don't do
this.
Everything else is fine, but I am not down with this, I would need a blender.
Can you come up with a solution to this?
Gagging Gail
 

A.
   Bring a bag of croutons into the bed room and tell him
you need them to go with your clam chowder.Maybe that will bring the point
home.
If not, next time he cums in your mouth, french kiss him right away, slip some
of his stew into his mouth and see how he likes it.If you don't have the balls to do
that, tell him he needs to drink more water and wank more often, that is
what's clogging his pipes. If that doesn't work, tell him you will only blow
him if it doesn't involve taking his stew into your mouth. Smell and taste are
nature's way of telling you this partner is or isn't the right one to breed
with.


Q.
Dear Dr. Dot-
My job takes me on the road sometimes for up to 8 week at a time.  My wife and
I are in our mid 40's and our sex life is great when I'm at home but when I'm
away, she becomes all about everything but sex.  I don't know how she cannot
feel the need for relief as I do during these long times apart.  We have two
young boys (14/16) and she says she's too busy to even think about sex.  I
have suggested other ways to spice up these weeks apart but she seems to want
no part of it.  I've tried sexy e-mails and several suggestive type phone calls.
I even sent her X-rated pictures of myself but still NO LUCK!  She says she
doesn't even think about sex when I'm away.  I don't know what to do to get
her motor
running from long distance.  She knows I need more sexual attention during
these lengthy road trips but also makes it clear to me she's just not in the
mood when I'm away. This response (or lack of) has become extremely frustrating and
has me resenting her somewhat for her disinterest.  Please help! Should we see a
specialist?
A.
No, don't see a specialist, it will put too much pressure on an already tense
situation.
Most wives want less sex then their husbands, I get these emails every day.
All you can do is play upon her romantic side..
Tell her she looks good, you miss her smile, you can't wait to massage her
feet again, give her genuine compliments ('you are so smart and kind, you are
my wonder woman') and this will hopefully get her to want to reward
you with sex (or as women sometimes prefer, 'love making').
Have you never heard the expression "women fuck to cuddle, men cuddle to
fuck"?
Keep that in mind at all times and follow through with your romantic promises,
foot rubs get all women horney! Just don't slack off, do it for at least 20
minutes, in a candle lit room, with a glass of wine at hand, it should work!
By the way,  most women don't get turned on by x-rated pic's, it takes more
than a visual to get us going AND you should be happy
that she says she is "not interested in sex at all when you aren't around", it
would be hell if she was gaggin' for it while you were away..the UPS man would be having all
the fun.

 

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Ask Dr. Dot

Q.
Please help me. I am 39 yrs and I have been married since I was 22. My husband cheated
18 yrs. ago, and 3 yrs. ago. He set up a meeting via Internet with a woman..That
woman was me! (he didn't know it). He seeks "relief" with porno and live
Internet chats. A while ago I came home to
find him with his pants down on line-live.

This has all devastated me. Our sex
life is horrible. Perhaps 7 times last year. He blames me for his behavior and
our lack of sex. He is partially right. I am a typical woman with emotional
needs-when emotional intimacy is lacking-I can not have sex-if so, I feel
used.
This porno has been an issue almost from the start of marriage. At first,
being young I was devastated-but learned to understand the testosterone beast. I
do watch it with him and enjoy it. The live chat thing has been addressed, and
I've many  times expressed my insecurities and he "stops"-only for it to show it's ugly
face again later. He has recently told me that he
masturbates after we have sex-thinking of the sex we just shared. I feel like
a failure-I feel like I will never be enough for him.I still love
him and other then these sex issues, he is an honorable man and truly a
devoted father, keen business man and great friend. I don't
want to leave, but I feel that it is the only thing to do.
I deserve better, and so does he. I just don't know how to leave, it never
seems like a good time to break up our family.
I am graduating college next month and my husband just started his own
business-these things were our life's goals. Funny, we're accomplishing them
and I feel like it's over-I feel like my best friend died.
When I tell him he hurts my feelings when he does the live-on-line chats, he
says he knows it will hurt me but that he
needs the "release"-this tells me that one day that release could be a woman.
That is something I do not want to be around for.
Pissed off Pat

A.

You say he is an 'honorable man' and 'devoted father & friend' and you still love him, so
why even think of leaving him? Bruce Springsteen sings "every body's got a
hungry heart" and he ain't lyin'. Even if you broke up your family and found
another man, the next man will probably watch porn secretly as well. Even if
you watch it with them, they sometimes want to watch it alone, secretly. As we all
know,  forbidden things taste the best! Stop taking his naughty side so seriously.
The more you freak out about it, the more he will do it. If he is treating you good,
that is all that matters! You can NEVER control what another person does and why
would you want to?

If he is blatantly cheating and throwing it in your face, then you
should consider leaving him, but it seems you are hunting for clues and spying on
him (setting up traps for him on-line- tsk tsk!), which
means you have WAY too much free time on your hands and are looking for evidence that
he doesn't love you. You have been together so long, it's only natural to have sexual
fantasies about others and porn makes it easier. If I were you I would concentrate on your
career and kids.
When he wants to show you love, welcome it with open arms. When he wants alone
time with his cock, find something else to do. It doesn't mean he doesn't want you or
love you, it doesn't mean he will soon cheat on you,  it means he wants to have a wank, plain and simple!

Q.

Because of my heart being walked on by a self-centered piece of human shit 
in woman form almost a year ago, I feel I am unable to fall in love with 
anyone. I see women, I want them, I take them, they give themselves to me, 
and it makes me a great big man slut. I get laid so much it's beyond 
comprehension, and it's fun. Nice and empty fun. But for whatever reason I 
feel as though women are motivated by money – that basically without money I 
would never be getting laid at all – and that sort of makes me the 
forever-John and the women I meet, all of them, forever-whores. Pretty 
fucked up perception and I don't want it anymore. I want to believe in LOVE 
again. How? Help. 

Bitter Bob

A.

I am wondering how these "money motivated whores" even know your financial
status? You must flash and flaunt it otherwise they wouldn't know you have it.
You have a catch 22 vicious circle on your hands/heart/genitals. You get laid
because of your money, then loathe the women because they want you for your
money (rock stars have the same dilemma… they get laid thanks to their
status, but sometimes feel empty because they are aware of that, then numb their pain
with either drugs, alcohol or yet more easy meat).
Just as men rubber neck at young, perky breasts, a tiny waist and child
bearing sexy hips, women look for security, which is measured by money.
Most of the time they subconsciously gravitate towards successful men as they
want that safe nest to bare children, so it's USUALLY not an evil motivation,
it's human nature, just like in the wild, the female mates with the strongest male,
you can't bash them for this and you certainly can't change it. What you can
change is yourself and how you court the opposite sex.
Try meeting women who aren't in the VIP bars, clubs and restaurants, try using
your charm and humor to attract women, perhaps in the park, dance classes,
gyms, etc.ALSO, sometimes going for the hottest, most gorgeous chick is the
problem.
You may want to lower your standards a bit, try a cute but chubby woman, you
get  my drift.
The tall, slender, hot women KNOW they are fiercely sought after and they
usually go for the richest or strongest one they can find. Chubby plain jane types try much harder and will
appreciate you more. (Have you seen Steve Martin's "The Man with Two Brains"? If not, it's a MUST
SEE!).

Never pull out your trump card by telling them your financial status
or even flashing that Rolex, then you will never know if they want you or
your security.
Haven't you seen Eddie Murphy's "Coming to America"? If not, rent it.
True love does exist, but you have to play the game of love with patients, it
doesn't happen over night. You have to love yourself and I mean really love
being you, before another person can. The survival of the fittest routine is
even more extreme in big cities, so you have to use your wits when hunting
down the heart of gold you yearn for. I feel for you and hope you find your true love.
x Dr. Dot 
           

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Ask Dr. Dot

Q.

 I have been dating this chick for over 6 months now, and she is always talking about having my baby, but I am only 26 and she is 24, I told her it's too soon for me, I want to sew my wild oats. I do care for her and love fucking her, but never wanted her to get pregnant. She always told me she takes her birth control pills, so I never used a condom with her, now she is 4 months pregnant and refuses to get rid of it. I told her I will NOT marry her or even live with her. I feel trapped and angry as hell. She tries to make me feel guilty and wants me to be only with her. Pulling my hairs out here Dr. Dot, please help, give me advice.

 Balls in a vice, Vinnie

A.

Lets get one thing straight, if you don't want offspring and/or diseases, always use condoms.

 

You can't blame it ALL on her. But now you have this situation on your hands, so "should've, would've, could've's" are useless. You did the right thing by telling her where you stand, you shouldn't marry or co-habitate out of pressure and guilt. Be as kind to her as possible without leading her on and tell her you will be a good father, friend and support her and your child the best you can, that's all you can do. You live and learn, you screw and reproduce.. Try to see the positive side of it, she is bearing your child, a gift that lasts forever. Just try not to piss her off.

Q.

 Dr. Dot,

This weekend I am planning on driving up to my boyfriend's house to see him.  I want to surprise him with something new in bed, but don't know what to do……do you have any suggestions that won't cost me an arm and a leg??? (I am a poor college chick.)  I am willing to do almost anything in bed, but have no idea what "new" thing  to do to him.

Clueless in Jersey

 A.

Dear Clueless,

 First, your shopping list: A cheesy, inexpensive table cloth made of soft plastic, the 99 cent ones you can get at Walmart for picnic tables. Then you need a few bananas, sugar free whipped cream, sugar free chocolate syrup (both can be found in the diabetic section of your grocery store) and some cherry's (either fresh ones or those freaky neon red ones), and some chocolate or rainbow sprinkles/shots/jimmy's whatever the hell you call them in your area for the finishing touch.

If you haven't guessed by now, YOU will be HIS Banana Split.

For a dramatic effect, shave your pussy nice and smooth for him and walk into the room wearing just a long coat, belted tightly so he can't see what's under (and sexy shoes/boots). With a very confident and sexy look on your face, hand him the bag of goodies and tell him to look inside for his surprise.

 

He will no doubt be like "eh?", that's when you take off your coat and say "Make me into a Banana Split". He should slice the bananas in half first of all, while you lay out the plastic "sheet". Lie down naked let him decorate you with the goodies.

Don't worry about the mess, just let him go wild and decorate you and then lick it off of you, don't spoil the mood by whining about your hair, etc. The reason the sweets have to be sugar free, is to avoid the worst yeast infection known to man-kind. In fact, the most expensive part of this surprise, may be the cream you will need for your snatch if any sugar gets in there, hence the sugar-free grub. This is a surprise that he shall never forget and it makes a great conversation piece the next day/week at work.

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I LOVE THE BEATLES!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh yes, I am very aware that this photo has already appeared in one of my former blogs, but I don't care, it is my favorite photo and I still can not get over the fact that I got to kiss Paul McCartney!! Fucking hell, wake me up, am I dreaming?

I ordered “The Beatles Anthology” on DVD and Paul McCartney's “Back in the U.S” DVD and I want to say a few things about both of them. The Paul DVD is incredible, but obviously the camera men on his tour were HORN DOGS, they show girls with HUGE TITS throughout the whole friggin' concert. I mean, I can understand one or two gorgeous women being shown now and then, but this is SO OBVIOUS. I mean, Paul doesn't strike me as such a tit man, or a prev – at all! He seems like a big innocent sweet heart! But who ever edited this concert material decided, well, lets put as many breast in there as we can, so the men watching don't get bored ( er , rather, the men editing it don't get bored). But other than that, it is fucking amazing.

Moving rite along, if you are at ALL a Beatles fan, you simply can not go on in life without buying the Anthology DVD's. I am glued to the TV every night watching each one, I am now on part 7, they are the BOMB. Every thing the Beatles ever did, sang, went, wore, shagged, its all in there. It has so much info and rare footage, every Beatles fan will be pleased. And anyone who watches it, who isn't a fan, will probably have to throw in the towel and love them too.

I am still in Berlin, and it is FREEEEEZING here! I will have to honor of massaging an Italian super star this Saturday afternoon, he is called Eros Ramazotti. He is very talented and

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Females I love

Finding a good, honest friend is almost as hard as finding a snowball in hell. The ones in my life, I hold dear, they live scattered all over the globe, but we are always in touch. Here are my favorite females:

That is Betsy, she is like the Mom I (almost) never had. She is so funny and talented, her oldest son was my guy for a while, waaay back. It ended between us, but I kind of adopted his mom as my own 🙂