Tag: sensual

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How to give a sensual massage – by Dr. Dot

How to Give a Great Sensual Massage

How to Give a Great, Sexy Massage

Men – do you want a great way to get her “ready and receptive”? Learn to give a great massage.

Touching her with strength and finesse says so many things about you – like you’re going to spend some time on her – you’re not going to just get in, get off and bolt. Not only will a great massage relax her, but it will help her get in the mood for more. If you want to be the guy she has to see again – give a great massage.

Prepare the Area

You want to be in a private, quite place when you give a sensual massage. Make sure that the phone is off the hook, and that you’re not going to be bothered by the door, kids, animals, etc. Select some soothing music (Barry White, Billie Holliday) and turn off the lights except for lighting some candles – preferably scented. What, you don’t have these at your place? This might be a good time to invest in a “Massage Kit”.

You’re also going to need a couple of sheets – one to cover your work area, (you don’t want massage oil staining your couch!), and another to cover her. If she feels “exposed” or cold she isn’t going to relax. So, as you work on her, uncover only the area you want to massage. Then, cover it again to keep the area warm. As you massage the skin, blood flows into that area. This blood causes the area to redden and to warm. You don’t want this to turn to chill, so be sure to cover your finished areas.

Finally, you should also have some water available. Many people feel thirsty after a massage. This is because working muscles causes all sorts of chemicals to be released into the body. After the massage offer her water and then you can offer her Champagne or wine. Never a good idea to give or receive a massage even slightly drunk.

Massage Methods

You’ve probably heard of all types of massage techniques – Shiatsu, Swedish, Rolfing, etc., are all different types of massage with different goals. Don’t worry about all of this. You don’t need to focus on the type of massage – only the goal. Your goal should be to sooth and relax your girl.

In the next sections, we’ll explore this in greater detail. When you give a massage keep in mind the following points:

1) Massage muscle – not skin, bone or organs

2) Work large muscle groups

3) Use firm, even pressure, not hard, deep pressure

4) Avoid pressure on back of knees, bladder area and underarms- unless she specifically asks

5) Always use a lubricant (see below)

6) Anything less than an hour means you’re lazy and rushing the foreplay.

Now, let’s explore each of these points:

Massage Muscle, Not Skin

Try this: rub your fingers gently over the skin of your arm. Now, press harder and move the skin without dragging your fingers across it. This is the difference between caressing and a massage. Remember that massages are for muscles below the skin – not for the skin itself.

You want a deep, penetrating effect – not something superficial. Anyone can “pet” her but you want to be the Man that makes her feel relaxed, loose and relived. Many people are ticklish – not just on their feet, but all over their bodies; so you want her massage to be relaxing and focused – not annoying. Not too hard, not too soft either.

Avoid putting pressure on the bones. By pressing hard on the skin just over a bone, you’re going to cause pain – not pleasure (well, to some, pain IS pleasure – but that’s another article) Unless you know the human anatomy, you might not know where all of her bones are; so, before you begin rubbing an area, make sure that the tissue below the skin is soft. Then dig in.

Try it out on yourself first before you meet up with her. Massage your own hands, feet, rub your thigh to see what pressure feels good and what hurts, as a guide.

Work on Large Muscle Groups

There are only a few of them in the body – the glues, the neck, back, shoulders and legs. By concentrating on the large muscle groups, not only is your massage more efficient – you are getting the largest source of body tension – but you’re also preventing damage.

On either side of the spine are large muscle groups (called “Latissimus Dorsi” if you care to know). These are the long, strong muscles that keep you standing up – and are great places to work. Again, you have to be careful here, because just underneath these muscles are the ribs – and you know how ticklish some people are here. It’s ok to go firm next to the spine but never ever ON the spine. Make your hands into fists and one after the other, lean into her gluten (butt) and twist then repeat, only using a tad of lube so she can feel your hands even better. Go into the muscle, twist, repeat, one first after the other- it feels amazing. Best not to start on her ass, fyi, she will think you’re just cutting to the chase. Avoid getting sexual until after the massage. You can of course try my famous Bite Method Massage to drive her wild. While she is on her belly, you straddle her back, make SURE you do not put your weight ever, on her back -if you can’t manage that, sit or stand next to her, depending if she’s on a massage table, bed or the floor. Before you put any oil on her back, bite into her muscles, repeatedly, but avoid biting too hard, do not bit any bones and avoid the tiny annoying pinch like bites; dig down enough to grab the muscle, like a mama cat would carry her baby. Bite the scoot down an inch, bite again, you want to cover her whole back (you can go to youtube and search “Dr. Dot bite massage” to see how I do it, specifically on the UK TV Show called GMTV I demonstrate it clearly). It feels so amazing. It is not meant to be a sexy massage BUT you can turn it into very sexy Bite Method massage if you gently breathe on her back in between bites and also bring it down low to her rump area too and of course her neck. She will probably try to attack you but don’t give into her naughty pleas; make her wait until you’re done with the massage. Then she will feel teased and even obligated to give you the best ride you’ve ever had. If not, you did it wrong.

Use Firm, Even Pressure

Pressure that is too light or inconsistent (light, heavy and light again), can be as uncomfortable as too much pressure. Be sure to use an even amount – not too hard, and not too light when giving a massage. In fact, it is better to start out somewhat lightly and ask if she wants more. Gently increase your strength until she indicates that it is enough. One way to drive her wild: when doing her thighs, use both hands, open wide and start with the inner though and go out to outer thigh, over and over again, nice, slow and firm and “accidentally” graze her labia (this is strictly for an intimate massage, totally forbidden in a professional atmosphere, fyi). but don’t speak, just keep going and using both hands, back and forth from right under the rump, down the whole leg, back and forth and then back north again to the rump in a slow, firm rhythm. After you do the backside of her whole body, ask her to turn over and place a sheet or large silk scarf over her body to keep her warm (best to have the room as warm as possible), and start with her arms, hands, front of legs, then her belly and if she’s uninhibited, massage her breasts and not in a rushed desperate way, do it nice and firm and as unsexy as possible BECAUSE all women are used to having their breasts pawed at in a sexy way, but very few get to experience a loving breast massage, which feels out of this world good. Don’t worry, you will get the sexy part later.. Go in a clock wise then counter clockwise direction, avoid the nipples at all costs. Do the muscles all around the breast and down into the stomach, then cover her again. She will be amazed and your patience, composure and restraint and surely want reward you, hopefully with a very long session of oral sex.

Use a Lubricant

You should never try anything but the most minor of massages without lubricating the skin. For example, if you want to rub her shoulders that’s one thing. If you’re going to give a skin-to-skin massage, always use a lubricant. Lubes help to both prepare the skin and to protect it.

Don’t use Vaseline or Wesson oil to massage her – you want the lubricant to be absorbed by the skin. You should also stay away from lubes that are absorbed too quickly like hand lotions. Why not pick up lightly scented massage oil – you’ll definitely use it. You can also just use “baby oil-gel” or if you have plastic sheets, you can get a crock pot and heat up a bunch of Hershey’s liquid chocolate and give her a Hot Chocolate massage. Then you can both head to the shower together after as it does get very messy but oh so worth it. This would be the ultimate Valentines day massage fyi..

Just Follow the Numbers

Ok, so how do you progress? First, your lady should be undressed and lying on her stomach. Make sure her hair is out of the way of your “work area”. Next, pick up the lubricant or oil you have selected and squeeze some onto your palm. NEVER drip it directly on her skin – it may be cold. Unless you’re using the warm liquid chocolate I mentioned before. You can rub your hands together to warm both the oil and your skin. Even on a hot evening, try to make sure you’re your hands warmer than the air. This difference helps remind her to relax. Nothing more annoying than (a) a chatty therapist (2) cold oil/lotion squirted onto your skin.

Next follow these steps:

1) Start with her shoulders

Grab the muscles mid-way between her the curve of her shoulder and her neck with both hands (gently!) Knead these muscles and gently pull them toward you. This is a great place to start as most people carry a lot of tension here.

2) Work across her shoulders to her neck

Use your thumbs and the tips of your fingers to work from these muscles across and down her upper back. Be sure to watch that your nails don’t dig into her skin!

3) Down her arms to her hands

With both hands cupped on the curve where her shoulders turn into her arms, gently lift her shoulders a few times to stretch the muscles in front. Work down each arm separately finding the muscle groups in the front and back and kneading them gently. When you get to her hands, use your thumbs to work her palms. Don’t forget the other arm!

4) Mid-back

Now, return to her upper back and work downwards to her mid-back. This is another area many people store tension. Use your thumbs and fingertips to work from the center out and to push upward.

5) Lower-back

Continue to work down her back to her hips and just above her ass. Again, another tension-storage area!

6) Upper thighs

Working the muscles of her upper thighs is a great place to spend some time (if she’ll allow this!) After you’ve worked the back of her legs and down her calves (next), you can have her turn over to work the fronts.

7) Calves

The calves are very strong muscles and get a workout everyday. These are great places to spend some time kneading each one separately with both hands.

Remember, once you start the massage, her skin will absorb the oil or lotion you applied to your hands. So, continue to re-lube regularly. Also, humans are “bilateral” – that is we have a balance between the right and left. Don’t neglect one side for the other – keep things balanced.

The “Master’s” Massage

ALL Women love a firm foot massage. Even if you don’t have the balls to do a full body massage, give her a one hour foot massage (30 mins on each foot) and she will be putty in your hands, every time.

When you’re massaging someone’s feet, you’ve got to be careful, as many women are ticklish here. If you drag your fingers over the feet lightly, she’s liable to flinch – negating the work you’ve already done in getting her relaxed. When you work the feet remember that there are many areas – each with their own needs. So, start with

the heel. Firmly grab her heel and push it up toward her leg, pull it down and work it side to side. The heel contains a number of very small, very strong muscles.

Next, work your thumbs on the under side (called the “plantar” side) of her foot (in general, or unless she asks, avoid the top of the feet). Again, use deep slow pressure with the tips of your thumbs – don’t do it too gently or it’s going to feel like you’re tickling her. Work the balls of her feet and in between her toes. Also, pull on each toe for about 10 seconds – don’t jerk, just give a smooth, strong tug.

In general the feet of even small women are very strong. They can take a much more intense massage than the rest of her, but be sure to watch her reactions. Further, ask her what she likes, and follow her directions. Massaging a Woman’s feet subconsciously makes her feel worshiped. It is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

The Ending – The Beginning

Once you’ve completed the massage, get a soft, wet, hot towel to wipe her body down. This is just to remove any remaining lotion or oil, and to let her know that the massage is over. If you choose the hot chocolate route, lead her into a hot shower and wash her down, the fun continues.

What’s That – She’s Drooling??

ps. Even professional massage therapists use sleep or even drooling as a sign they’ve done their job well. Don’t take it as an insult – just realize she’s really into what you’re doing.

How to Give a Great Sensual Massage

How to Give a Great, Sexy Massage

Men – do you want a great way to get her “ready and receptive”? Learn to give a great massage.

Touching her with strength and finesse says so many things about you – like you’re going to spend some time on her – you’re not going to just get in, get off and bolt. Not only will a great massage relax her, but it will help her get in the mood for more. If you want to be the guy she has to see again – give a great massage.

Prepare the Area

You want to be in a private, quite place when you give a sensual massage. Make sure that the phone is off the hook, and that you’re not going to be bothered by the door, kids, animals, etc. Select some soothing music (Barry White, Billie Holliday) and turn off the lights except for lighting some candles – preferably scented. What, you don’t have these at your place? This might be a good time to invest in a “Massage Kit”.

You’re also going to need a couple of sheets – one to cover your work area, (you don’t want massage oil staining your couch!), and another to cover her. If she feels “exposed” or cold she isn’t going to relax. So, as you work on her, uncover only the area you want to massage. Then, cover it again to keep the area warm. As you massage the skin, blood flows into that area. This blood causes the area to redden and to warm. You don’t want this to turn to chill, so be sure to cover your finished areas.

Finally, you should also have some water available. Many people feel thirsty after a massage. This is because working muscles causes all sorts of chemicals to be released into the body. After the massage offer her water and then you can offer her Champagne or wine. Never a good idea to give or receive a massage even slightly drunk.

Massage Methods

You’ve probably heard of all types of massage techniques – Shiatsu, Swedish, Rolfing, etc., are all different types of massage with different goals. Don’t worry about all of this. You don’t need to focus on the type of massage – only the goal. Your goal should be to sooth and relax your girl.

In the next sections, we’ll explore this in greater detail. When you give a massage keep in mind the following points:

1) Massage muscle – not skin, bone or organs

2) Work large muscle groups

3) Use firm, even pressure, not hard, deep pressure

4) Avoid pressure on back of knees, bladder area and underarms- unless she specifically asks

5) Always use a lubricant (see below)

6) Anything less than an hour means you’re lazy and rushing the foreplay.

Now, let’s explore each of these points:

Massage Muscle, Not Skin

Try this: rub your fingers gently over the skin of your arm. Now, press harder and move the skin without dragging your fingers across it. This is the difference between caressing and a massage. Remember that massages are for muscles below the skin – not for the skin itself.

You want a deep, penetrating effect – not something superficial. Anyone can “pet” her but you want to be the Man that makes her feel relaxed, loose and relived. Many people are ticklish – not just on their feet, but all over their bodies; so you want her massage to be relaxing and focused – not annoying. Not too hard, not too soft either.

Avoid putting pressure on the bones. By pressing hard on the skin just over a bone, you’re going to cause pain – not pleasure (well, to some, pain IS pleasure – but that’s another article) Unless you know the human anatomy, you might not know where all of her bones are; so, before you begin rubbing an area, make sure that the tissue below the skin is soft. Then dig in.

Try it out on yourself first before you meet up with her. Massage your own hands, feet, rub your thigh to see what pressure feels good and what hurts, as a guide.

Work on Large Muscle Groups

There are only a few of them in the body – the glues, the neck, back, shoulders and legs. By concentrating on the large muscle groups, not only is your massage more efficient – you are getting the largest source of body tension – but you’re also preventing damage.

On either side of the spine are large muscle groups (called “Latissimus Dorsi” if you care to know). These are the long, strong muscles that keep you standing up – and are great places to work. Again, you have to be careful here, because just underneath these muscles are the ribs – and you know how ticklish some people are here. It’s ok to go firm next to the spine but never ever ON the spine. Make your hands into fists and one after the other, lean into her gluten (butt) and twist then repeat, only using a tad of lube so she can feel your hands even better. Go into the muscle, twist, repeat, one first after the other- it feels amazing. Best not to start on her ass, fyi, she will think you’re just cutting to the chase. Avoid getting sexual until after the massage. You can of course try my famous Bite Method Massage to drive her wild. While she is on her belly, you straddle her back, make SURE you do not put your weight ever, on her back -if you can’t manage that, sit or stand next to her, depending if she’s on a massage table, bed or the floor. Before you put any oil on her back, bite into her muscles, repeatedly, but avoid biting too hard, do not bit any bones and avoid the tiny annoying pinch like bites; dig down enough to grab the muscle, like a mama cat would carry her baby. Bite the scoot down an inch, bite again, you want to cover her whole back (you can go to youtube and search “Dr. Dot bite massage” to see how I do it, specifically on the UK TV Show called GMTV I demonstrate it clearly). It feels so amazing. It is not meant to be a sexy massage BUT you can turn it into very sexy Bite Method massage if you gently breathe on her back in between bites and also bring it down low to her rump area too and of course her neck. She will probably try to attack you but don’t give into her naughty pleas; make her wait until you’re done with the massage. Then she will feel teased and even obligated to give you the best ride you’ve ever had. If not, you did it wrong.

Use Firm, Even Pressure

Pressure that is too light or inconsistent (light, heavy and light again), can be as uncomfortable as too much pressure. Be sure to use an even amount – not too hard, and not too light when giving a massage. In fact, it is better to start out somewhat lightly and ask if she wants more. Gently increase your strength until she indicates that it is enough. One way to drive her wild: when doing her thighs, use both hands, open wide and start with the inner though and go out to outer thigh, over and over again, nice, slow and firm and “accidentally” graze her labia (this is strictly for an intimate massage, totally forbidden in a professional atmosphere, fyi). but don’t speak, just keep going and using both hands, back and forth from right under the rump, down the whole leg, back and forth and then back north again to the rump in a slow, firm rhythm. After you do the backside of her whole body, ask her to turn over and place a sheet or large silk scarf over her body to keep her warm (best to have the room as warm as possible), and start with her arms, hands, front of legs, then her belly and if she’s uninhibited, massage her breasts and not in a rushed desperate way, do it nice and firm and as unsexy as possible BECAUSE all women are used to having their breasts pawed at in a sexy way, but very few get to experience a loving breast massage, which feels out of this world good. Don’t worry, you will get the sexy part later.. Go in a clock wise then counter clockwise direction, avoid the nipples at all costs. Do the muscles all around the breast and down into the stomach, then cover her again. She will be amazed and your patience, composure and restraint and surely want reward you, hopefully with a very long session of oral sex.

Use a Lubricant

You should never try anything but the most minor of massages without lubricating the skin. For example, if you want to rub her shoulders that’s one thing. If you’re going to give a skin-to-skin massage, always use a lubricant. Lubes help to both prepare the skin and to protect it.

Don’t use Vaseline or Wesson oil to massage her – you want the lubricant to be absorbed by the skin. You should also stay away from lubes that are absorbed too quickly like hand lotions. Why not pick up lightly scented massage oil – you’ll definitely use it. You can also just use “baby oil-gel” or if you have plastic sheets, you can get a crock pot and heat up a bunch of Hershey’s liquid chocolate and give her a Hot Chocolate massage. Then you can both head to the shower together after as it does get very messy but oh so worth it. This would be the ultimate Valentines day massage fyi..

Just Follow the Numbers

Ok, so how do you progress? First, your lady should be undressed and lying on her stomach. Make sure her hair is out of the way of your “work area”. Next, pick up the lubricant or oil you have selected and squeeze some onto your palm. NEVER drip it directly on her skin – it may be cold. Unless you’re using the warm liquid chocolate I mentioned before. You can rub your hands together to warm both the oil and your skin. Even on a hot evening, try to make sure you’re your hands warmer than the air. This difference helps remind her to relax. Nothing more annoying than (a) a chatty therapist (2) cold oil/lotion squirted onto your skin.

Next follow these steps:

1) Start with her shoulders

Grab the muscles mid-way between her the curve of her shoulder and her neck with both hands (gently!) Knead these muscles and gently pull them toward you. This is a great place to start as most people carry a lot of tension here.

2) Work across her shoulders to her neck

Use your thumbs and the tips of your fingers to work from these muscles across and down her upper back. Be sure to watch that your nails don’t dig into her skin!

3) Down her arms to her hands

With both hands cupped on the curve where her shoulders turn into her arms, gently lift her shoulders a few times to stretch the muscles in front. Work down each arm separately finding the muscle groups in the front and back and kneading them gently. When you get to her hands, use your thumbs to work her palms. Don’t forget the other arm!

4) Mid-back

Now, return to her upper back and work downwards to her mid-back. This is another area many people store tension. Use your thumbs and fingertips to work from the center out and to push upward.

5) Lower-back

Continue to work down her back to her hips and just above her ass. Again, another tension-storage area!

6) Upper thighs

Working the muscles of her upper thighs is a great place to spend some time (if she’ll allow this!) After you’ve worked the back of her legs and down her calves (next), you can have her turn over to work the fronts.

7) Calves

The calves are very strong muscles and get a workout everyday. These are great places to spend some time kneading each one separately with both hands.

Remember, once you start the massage, her skin will absorb the oil or lotion you applied to your hands. So, continue to re-lube regularly. Also, humans are “bilateral” – that is we have a balance between the right and left. Don’t neglect one side for the other – keep things balanced.

The “Master’s” Massage

ALL Women love a firm foot massage. Even if you don’t have the balls to do a full body massage, give her a one hour foot massage (30 mins on each foot) and she will be putty in your hands, every time.

When you’re massaging someone’s feet, you’ve got to be careful, as many women are ticklish here. If you drag your fingers over the feet lightly, she’s liable to flinch – negating the work you’ve already done in getting her relaxed. When you work the feet remember that there are many areas – each with their own needs. So, start with

the heel. Firmly grab her heel and push it up toward her leg, pull it down and work it side to side. The heel contains a number of very small, very strong muscles.

Next, work your thumbs on the under side (called the “plantar” side) of her foot (in general, or unless she asks, avoid the top of the feet). Again, use deep slow pressure with the tips of your thumbs – don’t do it too gently or it’s going to feel like you’re tickling her. Work the balls of her feet and in between her toes. Also, pull on each toe for about 10 seconds – don’t jerk, just give a smooth, strong tug.

In general the feet of even small women are very strong. They can take a much more intense massage than the rest of her, but be sure to watch her reactions. Further, ask her what she likes, and follow her directions. Massaging a Woman’s feet subconsciously makes her feel worshiped. It is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

The Ending – The Beginning

Once you’ve completed the massage, get a soft, wet, hot towel to wipe her body down. This is just to remove any remaining lotion or oil, and to let her know that the massage is over. If you choose the hot chocolate route, lead her into a hot shower and wash her down, the fun continues.

What’s That – She’s Drooling??

ps. Even professional massage therapists use sleep or even drooling as a sign they’ve done their job well. Don’t take it as an insult – just realize she’s really into what you’re doing.

Posted on

Ask Dr. Dot March 2011

 
 
Send your questions/problems to drdot@drdot.com and do not worry, I always change the names around, so your secret is safe with me, 
Dr. Dot
 
 
Q.

 

So I finally did things the correct way, dating a man for a while before fucking or sucking him. He is 30, very attractive and hilarious-makes me laugh til it hurts. We started with oral and when I got down there I found a mini penis attached to him. What? Such a disappointment. I would feel like a cunt if I broke up with him due to his teenie weenie. It does get hard occasionally (he has diabetes and it appears that makes a difference). I will never find the right man. If they are well hung, they seem to be arrogant. When they are kind, sure enough, willy the size of a thumb. Am I shallow?

Goldie Cocks

 

 

A.

You can help his cock out by fucking him on the floor. Throw a thick blanket (so you don't bang up your knees) on the floor, put a pillow vertically under his ass and squat on him. This will ensure you get every millimeter of his manhood up inside you. As far as him being soft due to Diabetes, you can ask him in a sexy way to try some Viagra for you. It's ok for a young, fit man to try it once in awhile (the older, heavier men with weaker hearts are the ones whoneed to be very careful taking Viagra). If you really like this guy (it sounds like you do) try and help him out a bit. After all, sex usually doesn't last more than 2 hours a day, so it's a good idea to be with someone who can also stimulate your mind for the other 22hours, not just your snatch.

 

 

 

Q.

 I don't really have a problem, just fishing for some tips on how to spoil my woman. We've been together for 4 months now and sex is good but it seems to be plateauing. Tell me how to blow her mind Doc. Seriously.

 

Son of Suzy Cream-cheese

 

 

 

A.

 Try and make sure neither of you are full. Having sex on an empty stomach works best (more blood for your genitals). Get your room candle lit and have some Jimi Hendrix (or Prince) music on for her. Tell her to just lie there and let you spoil her. Massage her with some warm oil; her feet, legs, rump. Then when you get to the back, before you put any oil on her, start nibbling her back gently with your teeth. No tiny pinching bites; big, firm but not too hard, grasps, just enough to make her feel delicious enough to eat. Go up and down her back avoiding the spine and bony areas. Then massage her with the oil. Roll her over and nibble her inner thighs. Lick them from knee to crotch with big long firm tongue strokes. But make sure you take your time before diving into her pussy. Make her yearn for you. The longer you spend working on her body, the hungrier and hornier she will grow. You know what to do next.

 

 

 

 

Q.

 

I have been with my partner for 6 years and have a kid. I have recently found out the over the last 12 months she has often had sex with someone else. She even had a threesome with him and another guy. Is there anyway that we can work stuff out and still be a couple?

 

Bamboozled by Love 

 

  

A.

 

You can't really trust her anymore since she hid this from you. You need to decide how important sex is to you both. If you have a very deep connection and get a long really well outside the bedroom and she treats you well, you may want to over look her sexual habits  (or join in with them). However, if you are the jealous type and the thought of your woman sucking off some other guy really gets under your skin, you may have to leave her. It will be easier for you to find another woman that it will be for her to find a man to take her seriously.

Forbidding her from fucking other men would just be a huge waste of time. She would probably promise it right to your face but still shag around behind your back, so it really boils down to this: can you live withan open relationship or not as she likes a variation of cock.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Q.

 For 1 year I've been with a Scottish bloke. We've known each other since childhood and he moved away 20 yrs ago & recently found me online. We talked; catching up on the past. He was married and has a son and I was married and also have a son.

 

Aftera while, we noticed that it clicked. And the first time we saw each other again….. BOOM! Since then, we were just so good together. Everything was right, humor, talking and insanely hot sex. His son likes me; my son digs him. Brilliant. We'd both gone through our shit and saw that this was a good thing happening.

 

For a year now, we've been back & forth to see each other. He can't leave cause he has a business there and my son goes to a fantastic school and I've a great job here.

 

I'm still keen but he's turned “cooler”. He doesn't call much &he used to go overboard & I'm spoilt from it, but now it's next to nothing. I don't wanna nag, cos that's not me, but at the same time I don't wanna just let it slip. He says he loves me but he's “overwhelmed”. His business had a set back and it's making him grumpy.

 

It's like a drug he gave me for a year & now it's cold turkey. What does a woman do, that wants her bloke to love her like before? I don't recall feeling this way before. That's why I'm frustrated &not sure how to react

 

Maggie Mae

 

 

 

A.

 

Men usually put work first, so if they love their work and all is going well with work, they are happy and it is easy for them to treat theirloved ones well. If work is shit, their moods turn to shit and theyjust do not have the energy or desire to be overly nice to anyone. Just keep busy and if he gets in touch, do not mention the lack of communication, just be happy to hear from him. You two went all those years without contact and you were still ok, what's a week or two with no contact now? All relationships chill out after a while, yeah, that sucks as that "drug" is oh so fucking awesome, but it is not reality. Let him do his thing and come to you when he needs you.

Do NOT nag, whine, cry or mention it, just keep busy and you will be the "different" woman who doesn't give him shit. Join a yoga class, learn how to massage, belly dance,etc. anything to prevent him from being the center of your universe. First comes you, then your son, THEN him.  If he still doesn't come bouncing back, you will still be fit and happy because of all the new shit you've been busy learning and that will make you attractive to the next lucky fucker who comes your way.